MOURNING FOR PARENTS AND OTHER RELATIVES
The mourning periods are different if one is mourning for their parents or other relatives. For a father or mother, the mourning period is twelve months, while for other relatives –husband, wife, brothers, and children– is thirty days.
We keep a stricter mourning period for our parents because is part of the Mitzva of Kibbud Ab vaEm, honoring one’s parents, which does not expire when our parents pass away.
KADDISH
The most important honor to be rendered for the memory of a loved one is the recitation of the Kaddish, which demands the sons to participate in daily Minyanim, Torah studying, participating in courses, classes, or study groups, or even learning by themselves in memory of the deceased is also a meaningful way to pay respect to the memory of our loved ones. It is also meritorious to participate in charity causes, educational and religious volunteer work, etc. According to our tradition, all these actions represent a tribute to our parents.
SHAVING, HAIRCUTS, AND NAILS
During thirty days, counting from the day of burial, mourners for parents or other relatives are forbidden to shave or cut their hair or nails. In the case of Abelim for father or mother, this period is extended for one additional day, according to the Mashadi tradition. In some Sephardic communities, the rule is that women can fix or cut their hair after seven days. However, the Mashadi tradition is that women refrain from cutting or dyeing their hair for 30 days. And the same rule applies to cutting their nails.
RESTRICTIONS
Mourners should not wear any new garment during mourning: 12 months for the father or mother and thirty days for other relatives. Mourners should not participate in festive events while the mourning period lasts. These festive events are defined, in most cases, by occasions where happiness is celebrated with festive music, especially live music.
The days are always calculated from the day of the burial.
CEREMONIES
If there is a wedding, the mourner could participate in the ceremony (Chupa), but not in the party. In a case where the bride or groom’s parents are in mourning, one must consult with a competent Rabbinic authority about the possibility of participating in the wedding celebrations. A mourner can also attend other religious ceremonies, like a Brit Mila, Pidyon haBen, or any other Seudat Mitzva where music is not played. The exception is Sheba Berakhot: the mourner should not participate in it, even if music is not played.
