The direct relatives of the deceased are considered to be in a condition of Onen from the moment that news of a loved one’s passing is received until the burial takes place, independently of how much time elapses between the former and the latter. The Onen is immersed in profound sadness and, in many cases, in a serious emotional crisis. The Onen’s first emotional impulses are to deny the death of his loved one. He or she might be understandably disoriented and not always in complete control over their emotions. And in this emotional state, the Onen might be in charge of arranging all funeral details, cemetery paperwork, etc. And this is why the Onen is exempt from all regular religious practices until the burial has been finalized.
1. The direct relatives are seven: Father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, and spouse.
2. Given that it is their immediate responsibility to take care of all matters concerning the burial of the departed, the Onen is exempt of all the active precepts of the Tora, like Tefila, the Berakha of Hamotsi, Birkat Hamazon (and all the regular Berakhot) and Tefilín. The Abel is not even counted as part of a Minyan. It is also a tradition that the Onen does not recite the Kaddish until the end of the burial.
3. The Onen should not wear the Tefilin if the burial occurred on the same day of the passing of his loved one. If the burial did not occur during the Hebrew day of the passing, Abel (mourner) should wear his Tefilin that day, after the burial, discretely and without saying the Berakha.
4. The Onen should not take a shower or eat meat or wine.
5. If the death happened during Shabbat or with little time to make the burial possible on Friday, the Shabbat must be strictly kept by the Onen. In this case, the deceased’s body will be covered with a bedsheet until Shabbat is over. During Shabbat, the Onen can eat meat, drink wine and participate in the Tefilot in the Kehila (Since it is Shabbat in some communities, it is customary to allow him to recite the Kaddish). The Tefila of Arbit during Motsae Shabbat will be said earlier, and the Habdala will be said without Besamim and Meore haEsh.
6. Regarding how to proceed with the Onen in relation to his/her corresponding religious obligations during the Holidays when the death has occurred on holiday or on its eve without having the necessary time to bury the body the same day, one must consult a rabbinic authority.
