Following the destruction of the Second Temple, a major change took place in Am Israel. It seemed that after the destruction and exile, it was no longer possible to live in a normal manner. The people could not conceive of pursuing a life with joy and celebrations without the Bet haMiqdash.
The Talmud (Baba Batra 60b) tells the following story:
“When the Temple was destroyed for the second time (68 CE), many Jews began living as ascetics, depriving themselves of eating meat or drinking wine. Rabbi Yehoshua said, ‘My children, why do you not eat meat or drink wine?’ They replied: ‘How can we eat meat, which used to be brought as an offering on the altar (mizbeach), now that the altar is ruined? How can we drink wine, which used to be poured as a libation on the altar, now that the altar is destroyed?’ He said to them, ‘If so, do not eat bread anymore, because the offering of bread (lechem haPanim) was also disrupted.’ They said: ‘[You’re right. From now on we will not eat bread;] we will consume only fruits.’ ‘Nor can you eat from the fruits of Israel,’ Rabbi Yehoshua told them, ‘because they are no longer being offered as first-fruits (bikkurim).’ ‘So we will eat other fruits of the earth (such as vegetables and legumes),’ they said. ‘But,’ he said to them, ‘you will not be able to drink water, because water was also poured on the altar (nisukh hamayim), and that has been disrupted too.’ At this point, they no longer found a possible answer. So Rabbi Yehoshua said, ‘My children, listen. Not to mourn for our Bet haMiqdash is impossible, but mourning excessively is also impossible, because we cannot impose restrictions that most people are not able to follow.’”
Rabbi Yehoshua went on to explain that we must continue living a normal life. We cannot allow our great mourning for the destruction of the Holy Temple to produce a permanent and eternal state of national mourning, and forbid eating meat or drinking wine, which are symbols of celebration. We need to find the delicate balance between national mourning and personal joy. There are some symbolic, discreet things we can do to remember the destruction of the Bet haMiqdash in times of celebration, so that while our Temple is in ruins, our happiness will never be complete.
Therefore, the Sages taught, for example, that on the wedding day, the groom should have the Bet haMiqdash in his mind above his personal joy, placing some ashes on his head as a discreet sign of mourning. Similarly, when a celebratory meal is prepared, we leave aside one dish in remembrance of the destruction of the Temple.
