The Mishna in Pirqe Abot 2:9 says that Rabban Yohanan ben Zakai assigned five of his students with an unusual mission. Find out “what is the right path by which a person should lead himself?” Rabban Yohanan was referring to the area of a person’s character and personality that we should aspire to perfect and improved. The question then was, what is the main area of our character that we should try to improve? The students returned with five different opinions: “Ribbi Eliezer said: a good eye,” that is, altruism and the absence of envy. “Rabbi Yehoshua said: having a good friend”, since our friends exert a great influence on what we do, think, value, etc. “Rabbi Yose said: having a good neighbor”, since the neighborhood in which we live will determine the community to which we belong, our children’s friends, their schools, etc. “Rabbi Shimon said: foreseeing what is going to happen”, that is, being aware of the consequences of our actions and decisions, and never act impulsively. “Rabbi El’azar said: a good heart,” referring to kindness, warmth and empathy. And Rabban Yohanan ben Zakai agreed that “a good heart” was the noblest of all human qualities, and it included, directly or indirectly, all other virtues.
And I always asked myself what did Ribbí El’azar ben Arakh exactly mean by a good heart? Why choosing kindness and warmth above all other options? “A good heart” sounds cliché and nice. But unlike all other virtues, does not seem to be well defined…
And this is why knowing the character and personality of my beloved and distinguished father-in-law, Rabbi David Carciente z”l, is essential to understand this point.
The good heart of my father-in-law was very visible, in the first place, when he greeted a person. Because my father-in-law did not greet people, he blessed them. When he greeted someone the name of HaShem came out of his lips together with a myriad of good wishes and prayers. Human beings need affection and somehow, my father-in-law was always in the giving end. He had unlimited emotional reservoirs of warmth that would gift to others without asking for anything in return. When Rabbi David opened his heart he never distinguished between the one that has more and the one who has less; the wise and the ignorant; a neighbor or a dignitary; men, women, children, old people, Jews or Gentiles. He greeted and treated with affection, sweetness and an endless smile acquaintances and strangers. And once someone met my father-in-law, he would surrendered, as if hypnotized, to his warmth. It was impossible not to perceive his big and kind heart.
His pure heart also manifested in the way he prayed. Or in the way he “read” the Tora. I remember when my father-in-law arrived at the first community I served as a rabbi, CHALOM, in Buenos Aires for the Berit Mila of one of my son David (my father-in-law, apart from being a Rabbi was also a Shohet, Hazan and a Mohel, and he did the Berit Mila of all his grandchildren. In the case of my son David, named after him, he was the Mohel and the Sandaq ). It was Perashat Vayigash, and my father-in-law, an expert ba’al qore, was called to read the Tora. This Parasha tells the end of the dramatic story of Yosef and his brothers. And it is full of emotion. The climax occurs when Yehuda begs clemency from the viceroy of Egypt, without knowing that it was Yosef. Yosef breaks, emotionally, and reveals his identity to his brothers. The Tora says: “AND YOSEF COULD NOT CONTAIN HIMSELF ANYMORE…(from crying) “, and he demanded all the Egyptians to leave the room. Then, Yosef approached his brothers and said: “I AM YOSEF. IS MY FATHER STILL ALIVE? AND HIS BROTHERS COULD NOT RESPOND…. (they were speechless)” . When my father in law read these lines ולא יכול יוסף להתאפק … his tender heart trembled. And he identified so much with what he was reading that, like Yosef, he could not withhold his emotion. His deep voice began shaking, his words were breaking up… and he would start crying.… I remember that everyone in the Synagogue was in shock, confused and a bit worried for what they were witnessing. And then, I will never forget this, everyone spontaneously began to cry …. perhaps, not knowing exactly why… but who could resist such emotions?
The president of Chalom, Mr. Salomón Notrica z “l, approached me with tears in his eyes and a little alarmed, and he asked me with all innocence:”Rabbi Bitton, what is going on? Why is your father in law crying? Why are we crying?“ And how was I going to explain to Mr Notrica the incredible tenderness of my father-in-law’s heart. And that he could not help but get emotional, like a child who listens the story of Yosef and his brother for the first time. Rabbi David felt like he was there, with Yosef, when he decides to forgive his brothers. Or with his brothers, crying in shame. Or he felt what must have felt Ya’aqob Abinu, when he heard for the first time that his beloved son Yosef is alive, and when he sees that finally all his children are reunited and in peace, and he cries …. How could I explain anyone that my father-in-law did not read the Tora: he lived it!
His kind and warm heart has stopped, but his example will continue to inspire many generations to come.
Yosef Bitton
Ashdod, ISRAEL
Shebat 5778
