MOURNING FOR PARENTS AND OTHER RELATIVES
The mourning periods differ depending on whether one is mourning for parents or other relatives. For a father or mother, the mourning period is twelve months, while for other relatives—husband, wife, brothers, and children—it is thirty days.
We keep a stricter mourning period for our parents because it is part of the Mitzva of Kibbud Ab vaEm, honoring one’s parents, which does not expire when our parents pass away.
COUNTING THE 30 DAYS
The thirty days are always calculated from the day of burial. The day of the burial counts as day one. Then you count twenty-nine additional calendar days. When you reach the thirtieth day, the period of Shloshim is completed.
KADDISH
The most important honor rendered for the memory of a loved one is the recitation of Kaddish, which requires the sons to participate in daily Minyanim. Torah study—whether through courses, classes, study groups, or even self-study—in memory of the deceased is also a meaningful way to pay respect. It is equally meritorious to participate in charitable causes, educational projects, or religious volunteer work. According to our tradition, all these actions represent a tribute to our parents.
SHAVING, HAIRCUTS, AND NAILS
For thirty days, counting from the day of burial, mourners for parents or other relatives are forbidden to shave or cut their hair or nails. In the case of mourning for a father or mother, this period is extended by one additional day, according to the Mashadi tradition. Women may fix or cut their hair after seven days. However, the Mashadi tradition is that older women and widows refrain from cutting or dyeing their hair for thirty days, and the same rule applies to trimming nails. For men, a holiday cancels the prohibition against cutting nails and dyeing hair, but not against shaving.
RESTRICTIONS
Mourners should not wear any new garments during mourning: twelve months for a father or mother, and thirty days for other relatives. They should also refrain from participating in festive events while the mourning period lasts. In most cases, these events are defined as occasions where happiness is expressed with festive music, especially live music.
CEREMONIES
If there is a wedding, the mourner may participate in the ceremony (Chupa) but not in the party. When the bride’s or groom’s parents are in mourning, one must consult a competent Rabbinic authority about the possibility of participating in the wedding celebrations.
A mourner may attend other religious ceremonies, such as a Brit Mila, Pidyon haBen, or any other Seudat Mitzva where music is not played. The exception is Sheba Berakhot: during the year of mourning, the mourner should not participate, even if no music is played. For Shabbat Aroussi—when the Sheba Berakhot falls on Shabbat and the presence of the mourner is meaningful for the bride and groom—the mourner may attend that Shabbat Sheba Berakhot.
