The Hakhamim of Musar noticed a very important message in the first Pasuq of our Parasha, something related to the month of Elul and to the process of Teshuba (repentance) in general. The first words of our Parasha literally say: “You will assign judge to yourself “. The Sages observed that aprt from the public Mitsva to assigning judges to prosecute and punish crimes, this verse is teaching us that we must develop as individuals the ability to act as “our own judges”. Teshuba is not possible unless we abandon the comfort zone of self-defense and self-justification and have the courage to look at ourselves “from the balcony”, i.e., as other people see us.

When my children were very young, I used to take them to bed a earlier than their sleeping schedule. This allowed us to enjoy quality time by reading a story together, chatting, and playing games, without feeling pressured by the time. One of those “games” was that each of us had to share something we did during the day that made us feel happy and proud. Examples of what my children would said: “Today I lent my pencil to a friend; I helped mom to set the table; I said Tefillah with Kavana; I did not cry when I fell; I scored a goal (think: “soccer”)”, and so on.

In a second round, we played to talk about something we did today, and now we wish we would have acted differently. And the cases that my children brought were: “I hit my brother; I threw my sandwich away instead of eating it; I said an ugly word to my friend; I “borrowed” something that is not mine without asking permission , etc.” I also participated with examples of my own day. I shared with them my feelings of satisfaction because, for instance,  I cooked dinner for the family of a friend who had given birth; and my frustration if, for example, I failed, and I spoke lashon hara.

Many times when we felt inspired and creative, we continued the game by analyzing what everyone else had said. We applauded the achievements. And each if us also shared some ideas as to how we could repair our wrong actions: “tomorrow morning I have to apologize to my friend; I will not throw food; I must give back what I borrowed, etc.”

Today I understand that without realizing it, I was giving my children the gift of an priceless practice: the habit of introspection. Having the courage to look inside ourselves and reflect. Analyzing our behavior as objectively as possible, without leading them to feel destructive “guilt”, because we were playing a game, and we were learning that nobody is perfect. It is acceptable to make mistakes (even for adults) but it is necessary and possible (and indeed very positive in the eyes of HaShem!) to look back , identify our faults, and decide to apologize and repair.

Above all, we learned to play the role of being “my own judge” instead of “my own defense lawyer” When I admit that what I did was wrong, and I make an effort to improve, what  I will do today will be better than what I did yesterday.