The Ketuba, the Jewish marriage document, states the obligations of the husband towards his wife (see more here). The groom declares to his bride that he is taking her formally as his wife “according to the law of Moses and Israel”, implying that he accepts all the responsibilities of a Jewish husband.
In our week’s Parsaha Mishpatim, the Tora established the three main duties of the husband towards his wife.
1. she-erah: to provide his wife with sustenance
2. kesutah: to supply her clothing and lodging
3. ‘onatah: to be intimate with her
1. She-erah. The first responsibility of the husband is to maintain his wife financially. This is the first of the three duties stated in the Tora (Exodus 21:10). In the language of the rabbis, is called “mezonot” (food, i.e., alimony/aliment= food).
A few illustrations from Maimonides, based on the ancient traditions brought by the Talmud
MT, Ishut 12:10-11: The husband is obligated to supply food for his wife and children, according to his material means. A husband who is poor should provide only two meals a day, and a wealthy husband should provide nutritious foods (meat, fish, or whatever is the local custom) to his wife (and household every day.
MT, Ishut 12:16-17: If a husband leaves his home for a business trip overseas (in ancient days people would travel overseas for months or years, with virtually no possibility of communication) and the wife is left with no means to obtain food, the rabbinical court might seize and sell the husband’s assets to provide food for his wife and children, provided that at least three months have passed since the husband left. It was assumed that thoughtful husbands would leave sustenance for their families for at least 90 days.
2. Kesutah. Literally means “her clothing”. The Jewish husband is obligated to provide his wife with appropriate clothing, bedding, furniture and a place of residence.
Illustrations:
Clothes: The husband has to supply his wife with appropriate clothing for each season of the year. Regarding the quality of this provision, the rule is that the husband must provide his wife with a level of clothing according to: a) what the husband can afford, b) the local custom, e.g., the social needs of a woman who lives in a farm are not the same as the needs of a woman who lives in a city (Maimonides, MT ishut 13:2). This category also includes the husband’s obligation to provide his wife with non-essential items (13:4) such as jewelry, cosmetics, etc. at a level which results from the balance between the husband’s financial possibilities and the wife’s social needs (=local custom).
Place of residence: The place of residence is sometimes predetermined and written in the Ketuba, if husband and wife agreed upon it in advance. If the husband wishes to change the agreed upon place of residence, the wife is expected to move with him. Some exceptions are: 1. A disreputable neighborhood (13:15). The wife can refuse to move into a neighborhood that is considered violent or corrupt. 2. Israel: if the couple lives in Israel, the wife can refuse to move out of Israel, or if they live in Jerusalem, she can refuse to leave Jerusalem. (13:19-20).
3. ‘Onatah. In Biblical Law, conjugal rights are explicitly granted to the wife. The Tora indicates in Exodus 21:10 that the husband “must not deprive his wife from her food, her clothing and her marital rights”. In the words of Maimonides, a husband’s consistent refusal to engage in sexual relations, deliberately or maliciously, is considered a transgression of a Biblical prohibition, and the woman has legal grounds to ask for her divorce, claiming the full amount of the financial compensations established in the Ketuba. This does not apply, however, in health-related cases. (Maimonides MT, ishut 14:7). The Talmud also discusses the expected frequency of the husband’s marital duties based on the husband’s occupation (14:1).
Although not based on a specific Biblical statement, the wife is also expected to fulfill her conjugal duties. A wife who without a justified reason or maliciously (kede letsa’aro) constantly denies from her husband his conjugal rights, is called a rebellious wife (moredet) and, in case of divorce, she is not entitled to the compensations established in the Ketuba (14:9).
It is important to clarify that the primary purpose of Mitsvat ‘ona is to reinforce the loving bond between husband and wife, so that the husband never neglects attention to his wife. In a separate Mitsva, the Tora indicates the commandment of having children (peru urbu). This Mitsva, ‘ona, intimacy (the Hebrew euphemism for intimacy literally says: “spending time with her”) is independent of the intention of procreation. Thus, even when conception is not possible, such as during pregnancy or when the woman is under a permissible form of birth control, or when the wife is no longer able to bear children, the couple is still expected to maintain an active married life.
