אנא ה ‘, חטאתי, עויתי, פשעתי
While repentance has to do with our feelings, Teshuba is also a Mitsva, a commandment indicated in our Tora. Teshuba, the possibility of repenting for what I did wrong, means that God gives us the opportunity to correct and amend our misdoings, and not be condemned forever for the mistakes we have done.
Maimonides explains that in the process of Teshuba o regret there are two fundamental elements involved. First, we have to bring ourselves to a degree of repentance that awakes contrition and guilt for what we have done wrong. The second step is the Viduy or confession, that is, articulating with words what we did wrong. This confession is not done in front of another person but privately before God. And the Viduy is what completes the process of Teshuba.
These two elements, repentance and confession, are mutually exclusive: on the one hand, if I confessed with words what I did wrong, but in my heart I do not regret what I did, my confession is worthless. On the other hand, if I regret what I did wrong, but I do not articulate my regret with words, my Teshuba is considered incomplete (see Bamidbar 5: 6-7).
In this Halakha (Hilkhot Teshuba 1:1) Rambam also explains what this confession is all about. He quotes the minimal version of the Viduy which contains the basic elements of it.
1. ANNA: “Please” …: we begin the Viduy by begging God to accept our apologies. This helps us understand that what we are not “entitled” to what we are asking HaShem. We are asking for His forgiveness virtually as a favor, a matter beyond fairness. It is upon God’s discretion to forgive us, and that is why we appeal to His compassion and love for us. We realize that according to the letter of the law, we deserve to be punished for our transgressions.
2. HASHEM: “God.” By saying the name of God we realize that we confess directly in front of Him. And this remind us that God is omniscient (He knows it all) and He knows exactly our actions, our thoughts, our intentions, etc., and He obviously knows what we have done wrong. But WE need to become aware of this, and remember that we are constantly watched by His sight… When saying the name of HaShem we realize that we can’t mislead God with fake words as we might do with other people, we must acknowledge our mistakes and beg for his forgiveness.
3. HATATI, AVITI, PASHATI. “I was wrong, I have sinned, I have rebelled against You…”. These three words indicate the three possible levels of transgression, which are classified mainly according to the intent of the sinner.
“I was wrong”, this category includes those wrong deeds I committed involuntarily, by mistake, ignorance, or without full consciousness.
“I have sinned,” I confess here the transgressions that I made voluntarily, knowing that I was doing something wrong, and I did it because I was weak and wasn’t able to restrain myself and control my instincts.
“I rebelled against you” this is the most serious level. Sometimes people would act against the Tora not because they can not control their impulses but because they want to prove something: for example, that religion is outdated, or irrelevant, etc. showing that the “sinner” knows better than anyone else. In this case, the sin was not made because of weakness of character and the impossibility to struggle against one’s own instincts. The most common cause for “rebelling” consciously against the Tora is arrogance. Some people would sin, privately or openly, to make a statement or to convey some anti-religious feelings. It is important to note that although this is the most serious and offensive level, if the offender sincerely regrets, the doors of Teshuba are still open, even for him.
To be continued…
