אומר אנא ה ‘חטאתי עוויתי פשעתי לפניך, ועשיתי כך וכך, והרי ניחמתי ובושתי במעשיי, ולעולם איני חוזר לדבר זה.
Teshuba, the process of repentance in Judaism, includes the confession or viduy, that is, the exercise of articulating with words what we did wrong. This confession is done in private. We do not reveal our sins in front of other people – a priest or a rabbi. We whisper our transgressions without anyone else listening to us. We do not confess our sins because we think that God does not know them: we say them because only when we articulate our faults are we ready to recognize them and take charge.
Now, there is a discussion between two rabbis: When you recite the Viduy do you have to mention in detail all your bad actions (this is the opinion of Ribbí Yehuda ben Babá) or simply state in general terms that you have acted wrongly (this is the opinion of Rabbí Aquibá) ?.
Shulhan Aruch follows the opinion of Ribbi Aquiba and says that it is sufficient to repent in general terms for all the transgressions committed and it is not necessary to specify in detail what we have done wrong. This lenient position is aimed at not discouraging a person who wants to repent but feels that he or she is not capable of (or is not brave enough to) remember all the details of his bad behavior. Demanding a detailed confession “could close the doors of repentance” for many individuals for whom this mission would be emotionally and psychologically very difficult.
Maimonides, however, recommends following the first opinion and indicates that one has to mention in his private confession, within the limits of his memory, all the mistakes he has committed.
Maimonides says that when we recite the Viduy, after describing in general our bad behavior by saying “I was wrong, I sinned and I rebelled” we should describe our transgressions in a more specific way: ועשיתי כך וכך: “I did this and that”.
A detailed confession is obviously more credible, more serious and more sincere than a general statement. Imagine a friend that spoke badly about us, hurt us, offended us, and one day comes and says: “I apologize for everything I did to you.” Obviously, a general apology is a good first step, but I will not have the same effect on the victim as a private and more detailed conversation in which the offender acknowledges in a little more detail what he did to me and takes charge of it. Similarly, every parent knows that it is not the same if my son apologizes in general terms (“today I misbehaved at school!) and when he is capable to describe in detail what he did wrong. A detailed apology is more sincere and more credible.
Therefore, although in practical terms it is sufficient to adopt the position of Ribbi Aqiba and Shulhan Arukh, if possible, one should follow the opinion of Maimonides. To do that, we must devote some time to a deep introspection, and we need to exercise our memory and identify our wrong deeds. We should be willing to face our instinct for denial (self-justification) and our fear of feeling guilty and recognize that we acted foolishly.
The text of the Viduy that we recite during these days of Selihot serves precisely form this purpose: the viduy is a facilitator for this exercise. It is a reminder of the matters and issues for which we have to repent, and the areas we must correct.
If we wish to take this spiritual exercise even more seriously, we should privately write a list of the transgressions that we can remember and read it to ourselves when we say the Viduy during the month of Elul and especially during Yom Kippur.
Knowing that the more we remember, and the more specific we are, the more certain we can be that HaShem will forgive us.
In this regard the rabbis presented us with this beautiful idea: God will remember and NOT forgive us for everything we neglectfully forget and refuse to accept and articulate with words. On the other hand, in terms of our transgressions towards God (not towards other people!) God assures us that He will forget, forgive and absolve us for all transgressions that we are able to remember and confess.
