CHAYE SARA: Finding a wife for Isaac

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This week’s Parasha is about the last days of Abraham Abinu. After taking care of the burial of his wife Sarah, Abraham has a critical mission: to get a wife for his son Isaac (Ytshaq). Much is at stake. Finding a woman worthy of Isaac will allow Abraham’s legacy, his covenant with HaShem, to continue for posterity. But if the wife does not accompany Isaac in Abraham’s way, everything will be lost. At that time, as today, the children’s education and Jewish continuity depended primarily on the wife. For this challenging mission, Abraham sends his most loyal servant, Eliezer. He arrives in Haran, the land where Abraham comes from, and where he still has some relatives. Eliezer begs HaShem to guide his steps. And he proposes to do a “test” to find the future wife of Isaac. Eliezer heads towards the well. And he tells himself that when he arrives, he will ask one of the young women for some water to drink. If the woman agrees and also offers water for his camels, this would be a sign that she is a suitable wife for Isaac.

The rabbis are divided in their opinion regarding this event: Some, like Maimonides, say that Eliezer showed a lack of judgment: we cannot “put God to the test” (לא תנסו). A Jews should never say, for example, “HaShem, You are Almighty, and it is within your power to determine which way the coin will fall. I am not sure whether I should buy this house. Therefore, HaShem, I am going to toss a coin so that You reveal Your will to me: if it is Your will that I buy this house, make the coin fall ‘heads’. And if it is not Your will, let it be ‘tails’. “Maimonides indicates that this seemingly impeccable reasoning was part of the rhetoric used by idolaters to “force their gods to reveal their will”, which they then manipulated at will, claiming that they were following their god’s instructions.

Other Rabbis, while agreeing in principle with Maimonides’ opinion, say that in this case, Eliezer did not try to test God but to test the character and personality of the girl. After all, Eliezer didn’t ask for an arbitrary identifying sign: he did not say, for example, “if I see a young woman wearing a dress with flowers, she will be the one HaShem wants for Isaac,” or something like that. Eliezer set out to identify “qualities” that would test the girl’s good character.

As additional support for this second opinion, we should notice what virtues Eliezer hoped to see in Isaac’s future wife. 

Eliezer looked for the virtues of Abraham Abinu.

1. When Abraham welcomes guests, he offers them less than he ultimately gives them. Abraham offered them “a piece of bread and some water.” But in the end, he feasted them on tender meat, freshly baked bread, and delicious desserts. Part of the virtue of a Tsadiq (a righteous man) “is to do more than what he promises” (the opposite of politicians!).

2. Abraham served his guests with “enthusiasm” (זריזות). One of the ways to measure our enthusiasm is to see how quickly we do things. If a child or a teenager has to get up at dawn to do a task that he does not want to do, he will surely get up very slowly, dress in slow motion, with total reluctance, etc. But if he has to get up at dawn to fly to Disneyland, he will surely do that without delay, dressed up quickly and with great enthusiasm. When Abraham received his guests, the Torah tells us that Abraham “hurried” and said to his wife: “Hurry, mix the flour and prepare the cakes.” And then Abraham “ran” to his cattle and “hurried” to prepare the meat …

1. When Eliezer saw Ribqa he asked for water. Ribqa “hurried” to the fountain and said: “Drink, my Lord.” And she said, on her own initiative: “I am going to give your camels to drink, too.”

2. “And she “hurried” and “ran” to the source of water and watered the camels until they quenched their thirst”. 

This exceptional behavior is typical of people who practice chesed, acts of kindness at the highest possible level: They do more than they are asked or expected to do. They do more than they promised to do. And when they do their good deeds, they do it with enthusiasm, passion, and selflessness.

Ribqa passed the character test, reached the bar established by Abraham Abinu, and graduated with flying colors.