CHUQAT: A Red Heifer and our children, by Rabbanit Coty Bittón

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1993
Killing a red heifer, burn it and using its ashes to purify ourselves when being in contact with a dead body? It doesn’t make any sense!
Our sages identify two types of Mitsvot. Mishpatim, those commandments that match human logic, that we can understand their benefit to our personal lives and our society. Such as the Mitsva of helping the poor, the prohibition of murder, etc. And then there are the Hukim, Mitsvot whose reasoning escapes our logic. The Mitzva of Para Aduma, mentioned at the beginning of our Parasha, Chuqat,  is the epitome of a Hok. It is also difficult to understand how the use of the ashes of the cow purifies the person who is unclean and in turn, those dealing with this purification process, come to a state of impurity! It is much easier to obey God and keep His commandments when we understand them, when they look and sound reasonable to us…
But serving HaShem at the highest level, unconditionally, involves knowing that sometimes we are unable to understand the “Divine logic” and the reason behind some of His precepts. Still, the most important thing is to remember that when we obey the Hukim we are demonstrating that we accept that He is the highest authority, and we are willing to obey Him regardless of our ability to understand the logic of what He is asking from us. But, how do we develop this acceptance of HaShem as the ultimate authority?
In our interactions with our children, it is important to be reasonable. Most of the time, when we ask them to do or to avoid doing something, we explain to our children why what we are advising them to do is beneficial for them. This, of course, makes it easier for our children to have a good disposition and obey us warmly. It also helps us to maintain a good relationship with them, as our children learn to appreciate that we care for them.

However, sometimes they will have to obey us even though they won’t understand the logic of our instructions, and get the benefit of it. “I cannot understand why I can’t have ice cream for breakfast every morning”. “I don’t get it, if you love me, why you let this nurse giving me this painful vaccine”. “I don’t get why I can’t go to this friend’s house”, or “to this party”.

Our children soon learn that there are some rules whose “logic” we both share, and yet, there are other rules or limits that they must accept “because Mommy or Daddy said so.” Parents, not logic, are the ultimate authority. These are Hukim of our children! And parents should not be afraid to impose their authority, although our children won’t seem to get that what we say is reasonable …

It is true that sometimes we, parents,  make mistakes. We do not have the Absolute wisdom of our Creator … But for the sake of our children, we must teach them to accept a higher authority. And when we get our children to trust our authority, and learn that our imposed “decrees” are intended to do what we believe is best for them, we are educating that to accept the authority of the Creator, even when they won’t understand the Divine logic behind it.