This Shabbat, we will read the section of the Tora called Tazria. One of the most discussed topics in this section is a disease or medical condition (neg’a) known as tzara’at, generally associated with leprosy. Once diagnosed with this disease, the individual was isolated and quarantined until their cure. The Sages learned from the case of Miriam, Moses’ sister, who contracted tzara’at, that there is undoubtedly a relationship between tzara’at and speaking ill of others, known as Lashon Hara, i.e., talking badly about others. Those who engage in the addiction of gossip and destructive speech must be “isolated” so that their behavior does not “spread” and their example does not become “normalized” in Jewish society.
I present a brief reflection on one way to avoid Lashon Hara, according to Pirqe Abot’s teachings.
“And judge every person favorably.” – “Yehoshua ben Perachyah used to say: Make yourself a mentor, acquire a friend, and judge every person favorably.”
Judging others favorably is a commandment of the Tora. Where does this commandment appear? The book of Leviticus 19:15 says: “You shall judge your neighbor with righteousness.” The Sages explained this important precept as follows:
There are three categories of people: the righteous person (tsadiq), the wicked person (resha’im), and the average person. The virtuous person has an impeccable record of good deeds. These individuals, who are more like angels than humans, are not the majority. They will be between 1% and 5% of the total. On the other hand, we have the actual wicked people, the resha’im, those selfish individuals with bad intentions, and a record that condemns them. I estimate that this is also a maximum of 5% of the total population (the book “The Sociopath Next Door” claims that sociopaths are 4% of the population). And then we have the ordinary people: all of us, who generally have noble intentions and do good things but also have flaws – sometimes we behave altruistically and sometimes selfishly. People with average morality make up 90% of the population.
The Tora says:
- To the righteous person, you must judge them with indulgence. Even if you feel they did not act well or poorly, or when you perceive a suspicious situation but do not have all the evidence, do not condemn them in your heart. Judge them generously and positively, and give them the benefit of the doubt.
- To the wicked person, who already has a record of deliberately acting with evil, you cannot give the benefit of the doubt until they repent because their behavior can affect you. It would help if you were suspicious of an evil person, even when it seems they want to do something noble (we will talk more about this later).
- And what about the average person? Most of our friends, family, acquaintances, etc.? The Tora indicates that the average person should be judged as a “righteous person” and given the benefit of the doubt unless you have clear first-hand evidence. In other words, this commandment, “You shall judge your neighbor with righteousness,” should be read more or less as follows: “You shall judge your neighbor (the average person) just as you judge the righteous person (the tsadiq).” Thus, according to the Tora, we must give the benefit of the doubt to most people!
Judging others in this way brings enormous benefits for society and individuals in material, spiritual, and emotional terms.
Firstly, “with the same measure that you measure, it will be measured to you.” In other words, how do we want to be judged by God after 120 years? Do we expect Him to judge us severely or indulgently? Surely, we want the Supreme Judge always to find an extenuating circumstance, a justification for our mistakes… The Sages explain that God will judge us with the same measure we use to judge others. If we learn to judge others with the benefit of the doubt, that’s how he will judge us.
Not only will God judge us as we judge others, but remember that our behaviors and attitudes toward others are typically reflected and imitated by the people around us. Therefore, if you want other people to judge you indulgently and not rush to condemn you before having all the information at hand, learn to judge others with the benefit of the doubt. When you give others the benefit of the doubt, you also receive it from others.
Finally, judging with the benefit of the doubt is the best antidote to avoid Lashon Hara. When we speak badly of others, it’s because we think negatively of those people. Often, we hear a destructive comment about another individual, we believe it (or find it juicy or convenient for us ) and then repeat it, even though we may not have evidence or know the complete story and all versions of the story.
If we learn this great commandment of giving others the benefit of the doubt in our hearts, we will be much more careful not to listen, not to believe, and especially not to repeat negative comments about others. This way, we will avoid Lashon Hara, and our quality of life will improve immensely.
