כיצד מתוודה? אומר אנא ה ‘חטאתי עוויתי פשעתי לפניך, ועשיתי כך וכך, והרי ניחמתי ובושתי במעשיי, ולעולם איני חוזר לדבר זה
The Viduy concludes with a commitment to ourselves. After an individual confesses his or her sins and expresses regret and shame for what he has done, he or she must say: ולעולם איני חוזר לדבר זה “And I will never do this again” .
The idea is that Teshuba must include my commitment to change my behavior. A promise to stop doing this transgression anymore. The final test of Teshuba will take place when I would face a similar scenario, but this time, I would act differently.
To illustrate this point let us imagine a person who drinks too much and often gets drunk. He repents, verbalizes his regret (viduy) and sincerely feels ashamed of what he had done. The question is whether this person is still considering in his mind that he will continue drinking in the future, or has decided to do all what eh can to leave alcohol forever. Without this determination for an improved behavior, his Teshuba process will be incomplete, or perhaps meaningless.
The final test for the credibility of his Teshuba will take place when that individual is faced again with the opportunity to drink. If he refrains from drinking, NOT because someone is preventing him from doing so, but because he determined and decided that he won’t do so again, then his Teshuba is complete.
On the other hand, if a person repents, confesses and is embarrassed by what he did wrong, but plans to continue with the same habit, then the process of Teshuba worthless.
The Sages gave the following example: at the time of Bet haMiqdash there were all sorts of ritual impurities. The body of a reptile, for example, was a source of ritual impurity or tuma. And purification was achieved by immersing in the Mikve, or ritual bath. Our Rabbis asked – What if someone immerses in the Mikve and emerges from its waters while still holding the dead body of a small reptile in his hands? On the one hand, he immersed himself in the Mikve; on the other hand, he is still holding the original source of his impurity! Is this individual now purified or is he still impure? The answer is very simple: this person is still impure. The immersion in the Mikve was meaningless. The same holds true, our Sages argue, with regards to an individual who does Teshuba, confesses and repents of what he has done but still holds in his mind the same thoughts that led him to act in a wrong way and has not made the decision to stop these destructive habits that are actually the source and original cause of his “impurity” or transgression.
Real Teshuba, repentance, must include the decision to change.
