Our most precious possession is our children. We work for our children. We save money for our children. And we make every effort so that they may lack nothing, and have everything they need, and more. … My question is: do we really act consistently with this purpose in mind? Or perhaps sometimes we forget our priorities and someone has to remind us?
In Parashat Matot, the Tora tells us that the tribes of Reuben and Gad had much cattle, and before entering the land of Israel they asked Moshe to settle on the other side of the Jordan river, in the Lands of Sihon and Og, very fertile lands. Moshe at first rebuke them and tells them: are you going to establish yourselves in this land and leave your brothers to fight the wars of conquest without you (almost 20% of the army)? Moshe asks them to join the army. Then, the leaders of these tribes tell Moshe that they will not abandon the rest of the tribes, so once they settle they will join the army of Israel to fight with his brothers. Moreover, they volunteered to be at the front of the battle. So they tell Moshe (Bamidbar 32:16) “We will build pens for our livestock and cities for our children … and then we will enlist in the army”.
Moshe accepts this proposal and responds affirmatively (Bamidbar 32: 25): OK, “build cities for your children and pens for your animals …”.
At this point, we should notice a slight but very significant difference (in an incidental issue) between what the tribe’s leaders said and what Moshe said. Notice how Moshe modified the order of the words : he first mentions the children and then the animals. Please remember that for them cattle was what capital, money, and work is for us. Moshe noticed that these men, literally, placed their cattle before their children!
Finally, although this argument is not mentioned explicitly, it seems that the tribes’ leaders put things in the right order and tell Moshe that they will proceed as he requested: (Bamidbar 32: 25-26): “Our children, our wives, and all our animals will stay there in the mountains of Gil’ad, while we go to war.” Now, they first mention children, their families, and only then the animals. It would seem that they understood that they were wrong, just by listening to Moshe repeating the same words in the right priority.
Surely, we all know that our children are more important than our money. Obviously, any parent would assert that he or she values their children much more than their material assets. But parents do not always act accordingly. Urgent matters, very often make us forget of important matters. We know it’s important to be with our kids, relaxed, dedicating time to them, but we do not always do it… We know we have to spend even a few minutes each day, talking with each of our children, getting interested in them and finding out how their day was . But we are so busy with our “livestock” that sometimes, unwillingly, we are left with no time (or strength) for them.
Sometimes, inadvertently, we put our children in the second place. I remember something funny but sad. A friend of mine had a maid to whom he confided her children, to take care of them. But she would never allow her maid to do the laundry in the washing machine because she knew she could not trust her with the laundry.
Sometimes, without realizing it, we value money more than we value the education of our children. I remember the case of a father who took his children to an amusement park and lied about their ages to save a few dollars. Regardless of the crime committed, how can a parent put money over the education of his children, over educating them to tell the truth and be honest, to not deceive?
Surely, the men of Gad and Reuben knew that their children were more important than their material possessions, but like most parents, they needed someone, in this case, Moshe, to remind them. The Tora is our compass, which reminds us, every time we observe it, to maintain a clear vision of our values and our priorities. One of them is: “Our children first.”.
Halakhot of Tish’a beAb
Click here to read about consuming wine and meat during the coming nine days.
