In the third chapter of his Hilkhot Teshuba, Maimonides explains that in terms of religious behavior there are three categories of people: rasha ‘tsadiq and benoni.
The rasha ‘(the bad guy) is the individual whose balance of good and bad actions is negative. The tsadiq (righteous person) is the one who has done more good than harm. And benoni (average) is defined by Maimonides as the person whose good and evil deeds are in a state of equilibrium (3: 1).
In a later Halacha (3: 4) Maimonides explains that this calculation of good and bad deeds is inaccessible to us. I cannot know if God considers me a righteous or an evil person. The difference between these two states is very subtle. And since this evaluation does not depend on the “quantity” of commandments that have observed, or transgressions that I have made, as if they were red and blue “dots” on a scoreboard. Actually, this calculation is only known to God. Why? Because He is the only one who knows, for example, what our true potential is. If my potential to do Mitsvot is foe example 10, because I have the means, the time, the knowledge, etc., to reach 10, but I reach only 7, I have less merit than the person whose potential is 5, because maybe he did not have the means or possibilities of reaching higher than 5, and has reached 5. Sometimes 5 is more than 7! (as in 5/5 > 7/10).
Another example: only God knows the negative psychological forces that could be influencing a person to drive him or her to do something he should not do. The more intense these forces are, the more merit that individual has when he overcomes and controls his impulses. For some people it can be very difficult to avoid a desire to steal, a person could have a natural inclination to theft, or she might have been raised to get always what she wants… For other individuals, stealing or lying might not be a great challenge, because his nature or education dictates to behave with honesty.
In sum, the positive or negative balance of our merits is inaccessible, even to ourselves, says Maimonides. It is known only to God.
This thought leads to the next question: Since I can not know if in the eyes of God I am a good or a bad person, how do I have to see myself?
If I see myself as a righteous man, I may rely too much on my merits and remain in a state of inertia and stagnation. I have nothing to improve. In fact, I might think, I have some credit to commit some sins … At the other extreme, if I see myself as a bad guy, I might think I’m already beyond redemption (this is what the Rabbis called, ye-ush, a state of psychological abandonment) and might I believe that I have nothing left to do to save myself.
Maimonides deviates from the conventional explanation that distinguishes righteous from sinners, and as a great teacher he was, uses a principle that today we would define as “behavioral psychology”.
Maimonides concludes (3: 8) that a person should always perceived himself or herself as being in a perfect state of balance, 50/50. As if my good and my bad deeds are in a delicate balance between merits and sins. And therefore, the next action I do, will tip the balance to the positive or the negative side.
My next moral decision, to perform or not perform a Mitsva, to commit or not commit a transgression is not going to be “just” one more point in the score board. It is extremely important because my next action will tip the scale one way or the other, and it will determine if I am a good or a bad person.
The secret, according to Maimonides is to perceive ourselves always in this state of balance.: “I am what I do with my life in the next five minutes.”
