1. HOW ARE THE SEVEN DAYS CALCULATED? The seven days of mourning begin when the burial has ended. Therefore, the day of the burial is considered as the first of the seven days even though a whole day of 24 hours did not pass,  provided the burial was completed before sunset,  Likewise, the seventh day will conclude during the morning of that day, after the Tefila of Shacharit. For example: if a person died on a Monday night or Tuesday morning and was buried on Tuesday, as long as the burial finished Tuesday before sunset, Tuesday would count as the first day. And the coming Monday will be considered the seventh day. In this case, the Seventh Day mourning period will be concluded Monday morning, after the Tefila, prayers,  of Shacharit.         

2. THE EVE OF THE SEVENTH DAY: The Sephardic tradition is to have a session of Tora studying and Tora sermons on the last evening of the Seven Days of mourning (in our community, this is called the “haft”).   This session is followed by a Seuda or meal. Originally, this Seuda was served as an act of Chesed and Tsedaqa to feed the poor and the needy in memory (leiluy nishmat) or a loved one that passed away. 

3. THE MORNING OF THE SEVENTH DAY: Once the mourning is concluded, after the prayers of Shacharit, it is customary to visit the cemetery to do an informal memorial (Patach Eliyahu) the recitation of Kaddish (only if ten men are present) and the Hashkaba.

4. RETURNING FROM THE CEMETERY: Upon returning from the cemetery, the mourners remove their mourning torn cloths. From that moment the mourners can wash, bathe, wear leather shoes, change his clothes, go to work, study Tora, etc.

For the laws of the 30 days, see here

MOURNING FOR PARENTS AND OTHER RELATIVES
The mourning periods differ depending on whether one is mourning for parents or other relatives. For a father or mother, the mourning period is twelve months, while for other relatives—husband, wife, brothers, and children—it is thirty days.
We keep a stricter mourning period for our parents because it is part of the Mitzva of Kibbud Ab vaEm, honoring one’s parents, which does not expire when our parents pass away.

COUNTING THE 30 DAYS
The thirty days are always calculated from the day of burial. The day of the burial counts as day one. Then you count twenty-nine additional calendar days. When you reach the thirtieth day, the period of Shloshim is completed.

KADDISH
The most important honor rendered for the memory of a loved one is the recitation of Kaddish, which requires the sons to participate in daily Minyanim. Torah study—whether through courses, classes, study groups, or even self-study—in memory of the deceased is also a meaningful way to pay respect. It is equally meritorious to participate in charitable causes, educational projects, or religious volunteer work. According to our tradition, all these actions represent a tribute to our parents.

SHAVING, HAIRCUTS, AND NAILS
For thirty days, counting from the day of burial, mourners for parents or other relatives are forbidden to shave or cut their hair or nails. In the case of mourning for a father or mother, this period is extended by one additional day, according to the Mashadi tradition. Women may fix or cut their hair after seven days. However, the Mashadi tradition is that older women and widows refrain from cutting or dyeing their hair for thirty days, and the same rule applies to trimming nails. For men, a holiday cancels the prohibition against cutting nails and dyeing hair, but not against shaving.

RESTRICTIONS
Mourners should not wear any new garments during mourning: twelve months for a father or mother, and thirty days for other relatives. They should also refrain from participating in festive events while the mourning period lasts. In most cases, these events are defined as occasions where happiness is expressed with festive music, especially live music.

CEREMONIES
If there is a wedding, the mourner may participate in the ceremony (Chupa) but not in the party. When the bride’s or groom’s parents are in mourning, one must consult a competent Rabbinic authority about the possibility of participating in the wedding celebrations.
A mourner may attend other religious ceremonies, such as a Brit Mila, Pidyon haBen, or any other Seudat Mitzva where music is not played. The exception is Sheba Berakhot: during the year of mourning, the mourner should not participate, even if no music is played. For Shabbat Aroussi—when the Sheba Berakhot falls on Shabbat and the presence of the mourner is meaningful for the bride and groom—the mourner may attend that Shabbat Sheba Berakhot.

1. Once the burial ceremony ends, the mourners come back to their house. Usually, the house of mourning is the house of the deceased, but this obviously varies according to the circumstances. This is the house where people will gather to pray and/or pay their respect to the mourners during the following seven days.

2. Many families in our community would opt however, to have the prayers in one of our Synagogue Minyanim because of the difficulty to gather a Minyan at their house or for other reasons. And although the ancient customs was to have the Minyanim at the house of mourning, our community is lenient in this matter, and attentive to the personal needs and preferences of each family.

3. In the ‘house of mourning’ where prayers will take place and/or visitors will come to pay their respect and condolences during the seven days, the following arrangements should be made:

a. The mourners should sit in short chairs or shallow couches or benches.

b. The mirrors of the house should be covered.

c. It is customary to leave one candle lid, during the seven days. One could use one special seven days candle or light a different candle every day. Each time, before lighting the candle it should be said:

LEILUI NISHMAT… for the elevation of the soul ( in memory ) of… and then one should mention the name of the deceased.

4. When arriving to the house of mourning, the mourners should change their leather shoes for cloth shoes (see the chapter that describes the rules of the seven days or shib’a). Some communities have the tradition to change the shoes in the cemetery, once the burial has finished.

5. When the mourners arrive at the house of mourning, they should eat a special meal called se’udat habra-a , the first meal after the burial.

This meal consists solely of bread and hard-boil eggs without salt. In some communities it is customary to eat lentils as well.

What characterizes this meal is:

a. It must be prepared by the friends, family members or neighbors of the mourners.

b. The mourners must eat this meal while seating on pillows on the floor, or short chairs or stools.

c. After saying haMotzi for the bread, the pieces of bread must be distributed by the one who recites the berakha, handing it into the hand of the mourners.

d. At the conclusion of this meal the Bircat haMazon (blessing after a meal with bread) is recited, adding one special text for this occasion Nachem. . . et Abele Zion etc…). In this text, two berakhot are recited instead of the regular ones, Bone Yerushalaim and Birkat haTob. The zimun or invitation to say Birkat haMazon, is also modify to Nebarekh Menachem Abelim, etc. This special Birkat haMazon and zimun should be recited in this manner during the seven days of mourning, and even during Shabbat if there is no one else present there, except the mourners.

6. When the prayers take place in the house of the mourners, some parts are omitted like the Tachanun, Lamnatzeach mizmor leDavid, the first part of Uba LeZion, Tefila leDavid. And other prayers are added: Lamnatseach Libne Korach Mizmor and Siduk Hadin at the end of services.

7. In some Sephardic Communities it is customary to say Bircat Cohanim when praying in the house of mourning; however, if the Abel is Cohen, he should not participate of this berakha. He should walk into another room while the Birkat Cohanim is recited (during Shabbat, in the synagogue the Cohen in mourning does the Bircat Cohanim normally).

8. During Rosh Chodesh (first day/s of the Hebrew month) the Halel (prayer of praise) is recited in the house of mourning, but the mourner himself will no say it. In some communities it is customary that on Mondays and Thursdays, after praying Shacharit in the house of mourning, those who were present there, excluding the mourners, will go to the Synagogue to read the Tora.

9. When the mourners come to the Synagogue during the seven days of mourning (shib’a) in our community we omit the recitation of the Tachanunim (prayers for repentance and forgiveness). In other communities, the mourner does not say it, but the rest of the congregation does.

1. The Cohanim males can enter a cemetery but cannot get close to a grave or a dead body. They must keep a distance of approximately 6 feet (4 Amot) from a lifeless body or a grave. Likewise, it is forbidden for them to be under a roof or even under a tree, which covers a lifeless body, even though the distance might be more than 6 feet.

2. In some Jewish cemeteries, there is a special area where all the Cohanim remain during the ceremony. The Cohanim stand on the sidewalk in our community cemetery during the burial ceremony. Usually, the grave site for Cohanim that passed away is close to the edge of the burial site, so they don’t have to walk through the other graves. Depending on the time of the year, in the community cemetery (New Montefiore) the tree branches cover the whole avenue of access to the grave site. In that case, the Cohanim should not stand or walk under those trees. They should find an alternative access route by one of the lateral streets.

3. In case one of the seven direct family members passes away (father, mother, son, daughter, brother, single sister, and spouse), the Cohen comes near the lifeless body, and he is allowed to have contact with it or the coffin until the end of the burial ceremony.

4. When there is no other possible way, the direct relatives could go in proximity to other graves to accompany the coffin to its final destination. When the ceremony is over, they should leave the burial site by the shortest way.

5. Women who are daughters of a Cohen or married to a Cohen do not have any restriction regarding access to the cemetery or being in contact with a dead body.

1. After the qeri’a is performed, the officiant reads the prayer Patach Elyahu hanabi. Then, when the burial is completed and the sign with the name of the deceased is placed at the head of the grave, the mourners say the first Kaddish, known as Kaddish deHu Atid. This is a special Kaddish which the mourners will recite only on this occasion. Is the only Kaddish that has any allusion to death, resurrection, and a prayer to God to stop sickness, and other calamities from us.

2. The recitation of this Kaddish is usually said by the mourners following the officiant, because some Aramaic words are unusual and difficult to pronounce.

3. Once the Kaddish dehu atid is said, the officiant recites the prayer: siduq hadin, which is said to inspire the mourners into the acceptance of the divine decree. The Siduq hadin, which is recited by the officiant includes the hashkaba, which is the memorial prayer where the Hebrew name of the deceased and his or her father are mentioned.

4. At the end of the siduq hadin, the officiant recites the Mishna “Rabbi Chanania ben Aqashia omer…” and the mourners together with all the attendees who wish to say Kaddish say the Kadish Al Israel.

5. At the end, the officiant or one of the family members announces where they will be sitting Shib’a, the time for Mincha, Arbit, the date for the Didan, etc. The officiant also informs the mourners of the basic laws and traditions of Jewish mourning. After the burial is finished, the attendees are allowed to visit other graves, say hashkaba, place a little pebble on the stone, etc.

6. Before leaving the cemetery, all those present must wash their hands, pouring water three times on each hand, starting with the right hand. The hands should be left to dry naturally, and no paper or towel should be used.

Play Sound Kaddish

This Kaddish is said by the mourners at the cemetery, at the end of the burial ceremony.

The body is taken, from the Hospital, hospice or home where the person died, to the funeral home. In the funeral home, in preparation for the burial, the clothes are removed and the body is washed. This important ritual is called Tahara. Once the Tahara concludes, the deceased is wrapped with a white shroud or Takhrikhim. In the case of a male, in some communities they use to cover the body with the Talit that the deceased used during his lifetime. In other communities, they placed the Talit inside the grave. In these cases, one of the Tzitziot of the Talit must be cut and removed.

After the Tahara, the body is placed inside the coffin.

The customs regarding the funeral varies from community to community. In many communities the body is transferred directly to the cemetery or to a funeral home, before the actual burial takes place. In our community, the body is taken to the Synagogue, before is the taken to the cemetery. There, the family in mourning is greeted with words of consolation and comfort by relatives and friends. Then, everyone enters the Sanctuary and the prayer Patach Elyahu haNabi is recited. Following this prayer, the rabbis pronounce a few words (eulogy or hesped) in honor of the deceased, and brief words of consolation to his or her family members.

At the end of the eulogies, the mourners leave the sanctuary and stand in the social hall, where every person approaches them and salutes them with a gesture of respect and with additional words of comfort and consolation. Then, the body is taken to the cemetery and relatives and friends accompany it to its final destination, the burial place.

Accompanying the deceased to its final resting place is a Mitzva called Levayat haMet. Some people, close relatives and friends, would accompany the body to the cemetery and other people, would walk behind the coffin for a few steps.

Our Torah indicates that burial must take place as close as possible to the moment of death. To leave the body without burial once the soul has returned to God, according to our tradition, might represent a transgression of a biblical prohibition (lo talin) and a disrespect for the memory of the deceased. Jewish Law, therefore, requires that the body be buried preferably within the day the person died or at least within 24 hours after the decease In some extraordinary occasions –as it shall be explained below – burial could be delayed.

1. As a general rule, the proper time to perform the burial is within the first hours of the morning. If the person died during the early hours of the morning, burial might take place in the afternoon. If death occurred during the afternoon and there was no time to bury the body before sunset, one should wait until the following day. There are factors which are obviously beyond the power of the relatives in charge of the burial arrangements, like obtain the death certificate and sometimes other procedures which might not allow to bury the body as explained above.

2. Only in a situation which would be considered “in the honor of the deceased” the burial might be postponed beyond the time already explained. For example, if a son or daughter or any other relative of the deceased, whose presence in the funeral would bring honor the deceased, must come from overseas. In all these cases, one must consult a rabbinic authority to approve the delay. In no case this delay should take more than three days.

3. If a person died during Friday there is not enough time to perform the burial before Shabbat, or if the person died during Shabat, the burial should be delayed until Sunday morning.