How Can You Tell That You Are Awake?

MARATHON

Today is the second day of the month of Elul. In a little over a month we will be in Yom Kippur, the day of forgiveness. Yom Kippur is a marathon day, 24 hours totally devoted to “Teshuba”: repenting, asking forgiveness, confessing our faults and making decisions to improve the course of our lives.

In order to get well prepared to this transcendental day we begin with the Teshuba process 40 days before Yom Kippur.

Among Ashkenazi Jews, this preparation consists of listening to the Shofar every day, from today until Yom Kippur, to be inspired by its sound, and begin the process of introspection.

Among Sepharadic Jews, to achieve the mental state necessary for Yom Kippur, we also recite from today the prayers known as “Selihot.” These prayers are recited one hour before the morning prayers.

The heart of the Selihot is the viduy or confession, and the recitation of the 13 Attributes of Divine Forgiveness or Middot. These are also the two most important prayers of Yom Kippur.

ESCAPING and SLEEPING

In the Selihot prayers we also recite religious poems, that inspire us to repent and return to HaShem. The first poem we recite in the morning begins with the words: ben adam ma lekha nirdam, «Son of man, why are you asleep? Wake up, call and pray to your God ».

These words, in Hebrew, בֶּן אָד מַה לְּךָ ָּםרְדָּם “Why are you asleep?” are found in the book of Yona 1: 6. The famous prophet was summoned by God for an important mission. But Yona rejected his Divine mission and tried to flee from God. For that he escapes in a boat. But God sends a storm that threatens to destroy the ship. The captain of the ship summons the crew to do everything possible to calm the storm, among other things, praying. Everyone is there with the exception of Yona. The prophet had fallen asleep, deliberately, ignoring all the dangers around him. Biblical commentators explain that Yona was in a psychological state of “denial” trying to ignore the urgency of the reality in front of him. In this case, the possibility of his own death. The captain finds Yona and yelled at him saying: “ma lekha nirdam, why are you asleep? Wake up, invoke and pray to your God ».

HOW CAN I KNOW IF I AM AWAKE?
These words, “Why are you sleeping?” They were chosen by our rabbis to start the Selijot in order to warn us about the risk of denial or escapism. Like Yoná, many times we also choose to ignore our impending mortality and go to sleep. Selijot’s initial lesson is a call to “wake up.” First of all to remind us that during the month of Elul we will sacrifice an hour of sleep. But mainly to invite us to identify our sleeping consciences.
Now, how can we realize if we are spiritually asleep or awake? What indicates the condition of our consciousness is the depth or superficiality of our deep thoughts.
There are 3 fundamental questions,

1. To what extent do I know and care about what God wants and expects from me?

2. How solid and fluid is my relationship with God?

3. Am I directing my life towards the right goals, with the right values and the right priorities?

If we do NOT spend a significant part of our time thinking about these three points, our consciences are probably “asleep.”

Spiritual awakening consists in refreshing these questions in our mind.

We are spiritually “awake” when these questions take our sleep away.

ELUL: How Can You Tell That You Are Awake?

בֶּן אָדָם מַה לְּךָ נִרְדָּם

Today is the second day of the month of Elul. We are less than 40 days away from Yom Kippur, a day entirely consecrated to do Teshuba, repent, ask for forgiveness, confess our faults, and make the decision to act better with God and with our peers.

Yom Kippur is such an important day that we can not get to it unprepared. That is why we began the process of Teshuba 40 days before Yom Kippur.

Among Ashkenazi Jews,the Teshuba of Elul is expressed through the sound of the Shofar, at the end of the morning prayer (Shaharit). While Sepharadic Jews beginning on the 2nd of Elul –today– recite the prayers known as Selihot before the morning Tefilla. This means that from today until Yom Kippur, we wake up an hour earlier than usual. One hour less of sleep, that will be dedicated to absorb the important message of Selihot.

The center of the Selihot is the viduy (confession), and the recitation of the 13 Attributes of Divine Forgiveness or Middot.

In the Selihot we also find piyutim, religious poems, that inspire us to repent and return to HaShem. The first poem that we recite in the morning begins with the words: ben adam ma lekha nirdam, Son of man, why are you still asleep? Wake up, pray and beg to God.

These words, בֶּן אָדָם מַה לְּךָ נִרְדָּם “Why are you sleeping?” are found in the book of Yona 1:6. The captain of the ship that was about to sink by the fierce storm calls Yona. The prophet was sleeping, deliberately ignoring the dangers around him. Yona was in a psychological state of denial, seeking to ignore the reality in front of him. In this case, the possibility of his own death.

These words, “Why are you sleeping?” were chosen by our Rabbis to initiate the Selihot to remind us of the risk of escapism. Many times we too choose to ignore the reality of our mortality and the finitude (“end”, in the sense of “purpose”) of our existence instead of facing it. The first call of the Selihot is the call to wake up. These words, apart from reminding us that during the month of Elul we will sacrifice an hour of sleep, invite us to find out if our consciences are awake or asleep. Now, how can we tell that our consciences are asleep ? By the absence of deep thoughts. When we DO NOT think about God, and what He expects of us; or why are we here; or in what direction our life is progressing; or what values we hold sacred, or what priorities we have, etc. then our consciences are asleep.

Spiritual awakening consists of refreshing these questions in our mind.

We are awake when we are aware of our goals in life. We are awake when searching for these answers becomes the main objective of our existence.

Rabbi Yosef Bitton

Ohel David UShlomo

7 LEVELS OF TESHUBA: Is It Ever Too Late to Repent? (#6)

חטאות נעורי ופשעי אל תזכר

כחסדך זכר לי אתה למען טובך ה

What happens when you repent of the sins of your youth? When, at the age of 70, one regrets what he or she did wrong when at 17? Is that an acceptable Teshuba? Is this late repentance credible and believable?

Let us not forget that “repentance” is divided into two areas: 1. What I might have done wrong to other people. 2. What I did wrong against God. This second category is the subject explained by Rabbi Abohab. It refers to abandoning Judaism, transgressing the principles of the Tora, moving away from God, etc.

Within the first category we could think of the case of a criminal who repents when he is already an old man. Of course regardless of how much value we give to this kind of repentance, it will always be better than the total absence of remorse. Recall, for example, that Adolf Eichman י”ש, died without regretting what he did. And Alois Brunner, another Nazi responsible for the deaths of more than 100,000 Jews, only regretted that he had not killed more Jews….

Sincere repentance, no matter how late it may be, always has value.

There are many cases and forms of repentance that might take place at an old age. For example, when an old man, who lived a wrong life, tells his son or daughter, “I do not want you to follow my path. What I did was wrong.” In this case, repentance, even thought it happens at an old age, might have reparative effects.

Or think of the case a famous actress that use to wear the most expensive furs when she was young. At one point, after many years of ostentation, she decided to devote the rest of her life to fight for animals rights. This reparative, though late and perhaps questionable repentance is not that easy to do.… think about the vulnerable you are because of what you have done throughout your life.

Let us now return to Rabbi Abohab and what he describes as the sixth level of repentance. Think of a Jewish person who lived all his life away from Tora observance and one day, when he is 55, 60 or 65 years old, begins to realize the importance of his Jewish identity. It takes a lot of courage to admit that one has lived “wrongly” for a few years, and it takes a lot of audacity to undo our ways of life at an advanced age. That is why we cannot underestimate the great merit that this kind of repentance has.

On the other hand, Rabbi Abohab explains, the ideal time to repent is while there is still the possibility of committing the same sin or the same error. That is the perfect time for the awakening of one’s conscience which would lead a person to a change his or her behavior. Rabbi Abohab mentions the example of Maimonides and the Sages who say that the most noble repentance takes place when after sinning one is faced with the same opportunity to repeat the same transgression and in the same circumstances, but this time he refrains from doing the wrong thing, motivated exclusively by his conscience.

Maimonides gives the example of a man who became involved in a forbidden relationship. If he refrains from repeating his mistake because he is now afraid of being discovered, or because he no longer has the same age or desires as before, his repentance is acceptable, but it is not considered the ideal credible repentance.

I think that something similar could be said of what is very often read in the news about a public figure who was caught doing immoral things. These individuals often appear in front of the cameras and publicly express their regrets and apologize for what they have done. That act is definitely an act of repentance. However, it is far from being “ideal” in terms of its credibility and authenticity. Why? Because the whole process of repentance, remorse, and apology occurred as a result of having being caught, and not as a renewed call of one’s conscience, while one can still continue to make the same mistake.

The ultimate test of repentance would take place if that man, faced with a similar opportunity, with the same possibilities, with the same energy, at the same age and with the same desire he had before, refrains now from repeating the transgression due to his new understanding of reality, i.e., his renewed religious principles, his desire to come back to God, his resolve to change and be a better person.

That is a perfect Teshuba.

HILKHOT TESHUBA 2:10. Why should we forgive? (part 7)

Mishne Tora , Hilkhot Teshuba: Chapter 2, Halakha 10.

“It is forbidden for a person to be cruel and refuse to forgive … when someone approaches him asking forgiveness, he must forgive him with all his heart and with a positive spirit … without seeking revenge or hold a grudge … this it is the attitude of the descendants of Israel [zera ‘Israel] “

The days of Elul are days of Teshuba. I have to apologize to HaShem for any transgression that I could have done against His Tora, voluntarily or involuntarily.

I must also apologize to my colleagues, friends and family for any offenses or damage I could have caused.

And I have to be willing to forgive.

True “forgiveness” includes the ability to forget. I must remember the lessons I’ve learned from all my negative experiences, which will help me to grow emotionally. But I must do everything possible to erase the desire for revenge, resentment, and feelings of hatred that might be nesting inside me, and which I’m not realizing.

Forgiving does not mean that I justify the bad or terrible things that another person did to me or told me. It does not mean that I have to suppress all my feelings or thoughts about the bitter experience. What it does mean is that when I forgive, I take emotional distance from what happened and rescue the positive elements I’ve learned.

I must realize that when I do not forgive, I’m causing great harm to myself. If I do not remove from my mind the feelings of animosity toward the offender, I’m allowing that person –his image and the negative memories associated with him– to hijack my feelings, my thoughts and my heart (in some cases: my entire life!). When I do not forgive, in some cases and without realizing it, I’m perpetuating myself in the role of a victim, and I do not allow myself to move on. Or worse, unconsciously I might turn my resentment into anger, and thus I would become and irritable person. Everything and everyone makes me angry and makes me lose my patience…

It is true that forgiveness is good for the one who offended me because I am generously offering him or her the opportunity for reconciliation. But surely, who benefits most from forgiveness is ME, the victim, the one who was offended. By forgiving, I get rid of my self-destructive feelings; I begin to heal mentally, and I regain control of my emotional stability.

Forgiving is a very complex psychological act, and sometimes it is emotionally arduous. But in these days of Teshuba, when I’m asking HaShem to grant me His forgiveness, I must be willing to forgive those who have offended me.

I cannot expect be forgiven by God if I’m not able to forgive others

(Clarification: in this Halakha I’m referring to forgiving minor offenses, in particular, social grievances. That is, when a friend, a family member or a neighbor, said something negative about me or did something that hurt me or offended me, etc. I’m referring to crimes, acts of terrorism, etc.)

HILKHOT TESHUBA 2:10. Teshuba via email (part 6)

אין התשובה ויום הכפורים מכפרים אלא על עבירות שבין אדם למקום

Teshuba, repentance for what we did wrong, can happen in two separate areas. First, with “ritual” offenses . This category includes, for example, when one transgresses the Shabbat or Holidays or does not care about the laws of kashrut, or when we disconnect from God, we do not pray or thank Him for all He has given us, etc. All these offenses are repaired by doing Teshuba. That is, 1. accepting that we made a mistake, 2. repenting; having remorse 3. articulating verbally our transgressions (confession / Viduy) and 4. making the decision to change and improve. If we do all this, our Sages explain, forgiveness is “guaranteed” (ומודה ועוזב ירוחם).

Second are the offenses to other people. If I harm someone financially, or if I hurt someone physically, or if I damaged someone emotionally offending him, insulting or embarrassing him. These offenses are NOT forgiven on Yom Kippur without a previous step. We can not fix with God the damages we did to other individuals. That would be religious hypocrisy. The damage inflicted intentionally or unintentionally to another person should be repaired first, with that person: the victim.

I have to amend materially what I did wrong: if I stole, return the stolen item. If I broke my neighbor’s window, pay for its repair. If I hurt someone physically (חובל) take care of medical costs. After I materially repaired the damage I did, I must also apologize to the victim. And finally, ask forgiveness from God for having hurt one of my peers.

Now, what happens when the damage had no material or financial consequences? In the event that the damage was emotional, I have to get close to that person and ask for his or her forgiveness. From a practical standpoint, the cases of emotional harm are more difficult to fix, since there is no material compensation to make up for the suffering of the victim.

Apologizing to people we have offended or damaged emotionally is perhaps one of the most difficult tasks we face before Yom Kippur.

As we prepare ourselves to ask forgiveness, we must overcome our shame (how am I going to admit that I acted wrong? !!), Our fear of rejection (what if he or she does not forgive me?) And especially our pride (No! I did not act wrong! He deserved it!).

Asking forgiveness is very difficult but absolutely necessary for our Teshuba on Yom Kippur.

Question: Can I apologize by phone or email? I do not think there is a single answer to cover all possible cases. But in my opinion, it is a matter of common sense. I believe that sometimes it is easier for those who ask forgiveness not to face their victim. So calling or emailing might work. I would say that regardless of the tools we use to ask forgiveness, the most important thing is that my apology would be sincere and credible: that is, not mixed with excuses, and as accurate as possible. There are some apologies that are not apologies: if I say, for example: “I’m sorry you felt offended by what I said.” Here I’m not admitting I did something wrong. What’s more, indirectly, I’m blaming the victim of being “too sensitive”! Which not only will not serve to repair my error, but it can magnify it.

Another classic question: “What if I badmouth a person, and that person does not know what I did… Do I have to apologize? Because if I ask forgiveness, maybe things would get worse?.” In this particular case, I think I can apologize without specifying what I did and said. However, when the victim knows what I did, my apology must be specific.

SELIHOT and the secret of the Mezuza

וכל עת שייכנס וייצא, יפגע בייחוד שמו של הקדוש ברוך הוא-ויזכור אהבתו, וייעור משינתו ושגייתו בהבלי הזמן

Yesterday we mentioned the poem “Ben adam ma lekha nirdam” which is about “waking up.” We explained that the idea of waking up is, on the one hand, practical, as in the month of Elul in Sephardic communities we wake up every morning an hour earlier to say Selihot.

We also said that the deeper meaning of this “awakening” relates to waking up from spiritual lethargy or forgetfulness. It is not uncommon, unfortunately, that we suffer from a spiritual asleep. And it is very easy to detect when the neshama, our soul is not awake or active. Just analyze your own thoughts: if you are not thinking about God and about the meaning of your life, it is because you are “asleep”.

In his book Mishne Tora , Maimonides refers twice to this spiritual lethargy. The second time, when he speaks of the Shofar (BH we will see this later on). And the first time, when he discusses Mezuza . Let’s see.
Maimonides states that certain Mitsvot act as protecting or guardian angels . One of these Mitsvot is the Mezuzah. But what kind of protection grants us the Mezuza? Protection against oblivion. We live very busy lives. We are flooded with all kinds of worries and distractions. Countless material needs that need to be fulfilled urgently. Bills to pay, debts, work, competition, etc. All this demands our full attention NOW. We become so distracted taking care of these urgent matters that we forget the most important: the purpose of our existence.
Obviously, the meaning of life is only relevant for those of us who believe in God. If an individual believes that we are in this world because of a cosmic accident, he is not going to be thinking about the question of “Purpose”, he would simply go ahead doing what he has to do to survive.
However, when a person knows that God created us, he also knows that he has done so with a purpose. And living with this purpose in mind (or looking and searching for this purpose) it is what gives meaning to our lives.
Can you imagine a person who believes in God and yet he or she is so absorbed in material distractions that forgets thinking about what is life’s ultimate goal? This is virtually spiritual suicide. A tragedy.

For Maimonides the Mezuza protects us from such “tragedies”. Every time we enter or leave a room, every time we go through a door, or from one side to another, the presence of the Mezuza forces us to stop and observe or touch the Mezuza and remember our Creator. The Mezuza helps us to regain consciousness of the purpose of our life and to differentiate between what is urgent and what is really important.

Maimonides explicitly mentions this quality of the Mezuza. In Hilkhot Mezuza 6:13, he says. “A person must show great care in [the fulfillment of the Mitsva of] Mezuza. Each time a person enters or leaves [a room with a Mezuza], he will encounter the name of God [and remember Him]. And then, he will wake up from his sleep and realize his obsession with worldly concerns and recognize that there is nothing that lasts forever except the knowledge of the Creator of the world. This will motivate him to regain consciousness [of his purpose in life] and thus he will direct himself in the paths of righteousness. ”
Maimonides considers that the Mezuza (and the Tefilin and the Tsitsit) is an angel of protection. Protection from forgetting our true mission in life. “These [Mitsvot] are the angels that prevent a person from falling into sin, as it is written [Tehillim 34: 8]” “The angel of God is around those who fear Him, and protects them.”

SELIHOT and our awakenings

בֶּן אָדָם מַה לְּךָ נִרְדָּם

AWAKENING # 1.

Today is the second day of Elul. We are less than 40 days away from Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. The day consecrated to do Teshuba, to repent, asking forgiveness, confess our sins, and make the decision to be better. Yom Kippur is a very important day. And we can not arrive at that day unprepared. That’s why during the month of Elul we train ourselves in the mood of Teshuba and begin to be more aware of our actions, values thoughts.

Among Ashkenazi Jews, once Elul begins the Shofar is blown. Among Sephardic Jews once Elul begins (actually 2nd Elul, “today”!) we begin reciting the Selihot. Selihot is a daily prayer said before the morning Tefilla (Shaharit) which lasts about an hour. This means that from today until Yom Kippur, we will have to “wake up” an hour earlier than usual. One hour less of sleep, which will be dedicated to reciting this important Tefillot.

As we will see BH in the coming days, the center of Selihot is the Viduy or confession, and the recitation of the 13 attributes of Divine Forgiveness or 13 Middot. But there are also many piyutim, religious poems that inspire us to return to HaShem. The first and one of the best known of these poems is “BEN ADAM MA LEKHA NIRDAM” which I would like to present below.

בֶּן אָדָם מַה לְּךָ נִרְדָּם

“Son of man, why are you sleeping? Arise and pray [to God] with supplications!

This piyut begins with an invitation to wake up. “Awakening” in a double sense. On the one hand, being that Selihot is said early in the morning, this poem reinforces our commitment to sacrifice our sleep and go to Bet haKeneset an hour earlier than usual.

AWAKENING # 2.

A deeper meaning, and probably the original meaning of this expression, is the invitation to the awakening of our consciousness. Let me explain: Given the amount of material obligations we have, given the pace at which we live, and the huge variety of distractions at our disposal, it is quite possible that our consciences are “asleep.” How can we identify the lethargy of our consciousness? Spiritual lethargy is manifested by the absence of deep thoughts. If we are not thinking about God and what He expects of us; if we do not ask why we are here in this world; if we do not reflect on the direction in which our life is progressing; if we do not re-evaluate our values and priorities, then our consciences are asleep. The spiritual awakening consists in refreshing these questions. Moreover, being “awake” means that the search for these answers becomes the main objective of our existence.

This beautiful expression in Hebrew ma lekha nirdam “why are you sleeping?” is from the book of Yona (1: 6). The captain of the ship that is about to sink rebukes the prophet Yona (Jonas), who was asleep, away from all worries, ignoring the dangers around him. Yona was in a situation of “escaping”, in an almost suicidal mood. He was literally getting away from HaShem. In the Selihot, these words refer to our own existential escapism. A stage we set for ourselves (involuntarily) to avoid the commitment involved in formulating the deeper questions in life. We choose to “escape” from these questions, which would usually lead us to God, and we get ourselves involved in our work, our routine or our material distractions. The first call of the Selihot is the wake-up call to leave our denial and escapism.

TESHUBA: Obstacles, on the way to repentance

In Chapter 4 of Hilkhot Teshuba Maimonides enumerates twenty-four actions, personality patterns or attitudes which prevent or make very difficult for a person to begin or undergo the process of repentance.

Three illustrations.

DOMINO EFFECT (4:1)

Those who because of their teachings or their bad example…. induce or influence other people to sin. Sometimes, if we have taught or inspire other people to act in the wrong way, we have triggered a negative domino effect which eventually gets out of our hand. In this case repentance is virtually impossible. Why? Because part of the process of repentance consists in repairing what I have done wrong. So, even if I personally repent from my wrong actions, how could I be able to repair the damage other people have caused because of my wrong teachings or bad example? In this scenario, I’m virtually beyond redemption. Because despite my own personal repentance my example is still exerting a negative influence in other people to an unknown extent.

CALCULATED TESHUBA (4:1) Sinning with the intention of repenting later. Maimonides refers here to a situation in which I’m about to commit a sin and before I do it I say to myself : “I will sin now and repent for this sin later on.” Or I say to myself: “Since Yom Kippur is the day of forgiveness, I will sin now and God will forgive me for this sin in Yom Kippur”. In these conditions Teshuba is unacceptable. Because Teshuba is welcomed by the Creator when it comes from a sincere remorse, not when it is part of a calculated game-plan.

DEFENSIVE PERSONALITY (4:2) Someone who refuses to be corrected or criticized. Imagine a person incapable of accepting a minimal dose of positive criticism, even when coming from those who care for his or her well being. Many times, this type of personality-disfunction is a consequence of a low self esteem or other psychological issues which prevent a person to cope with any criticism. This person, Maimonides concludes, will likely continue with his or her bad habits because is incapable of seeing himself as other people perceive him.

TESHUBA: What do people think before dying?

In his monumental book, Mishne Tora, Maimonides dedicates ten chapters to the subject of Teshuba (repentance). In the first four chapters Maimonides describes and explains the nature of the Mitzva of Teshuba and all the matters involved in the process of repentance. Chapters 5, 6 and 7 deal in length with the idea of freedom of choice and how it relates to responsibility and repentance. The eighth chapter is dedicated to explaining the Jewish view of the “world to come” or ‘olam-habba, life after death. The ninth chapter clarifies the notion of punishment and reward for the observance of the Mitsvot. And in the last chapter Maimonides, perhaps the most profound, concludes that the highest way to serve HaShem is not out of fear of punishment or out of our desire to be rewarded materially, but out of our unconditional love for Him.

During the month of Elul, which is when we begin the process of Teshuba, we are studying some of Maimonides Halakhot on this subject.

Hilkhot Teshuba 1: 1:

“Regarding all the commandments of the Tora, when a person transgress a prohibition or when fails to perform a positive commandment… when he regrets….”.

Normally, we think of Teshuba/repentance as regretting for our mistakes, flaws, misdeeds, etc. But according to this statement we also, or primarily, need to regret for the good things that we have not done! We are accountable not just for our actions but also for our inaction and idleness. For not having done all the good and right things we have the potential to do.

Like all rabbis, I’ve visited several times patients who knew they will die soon. If they are conscious and they feel that they want to talk to a rabbi in confidentiality, I’ve noticed that they would address a common subject: at the end of their life, people (normal people, not criminals, etc.) do not focus their regret on the mistakes they might have made. Rather, at those very holy moments, when their whole life lies in front of them, people regret for the good things they should have done and they didn’t do. For the opportunities they’ve missed to make a change. At those moments, when they realize more than ever the preciousness of time, they regret to have invested so much time in the pursue of material efforts, or having cared so much about what others think of them, instead of giving more, helping more, sharing more, loving more and fighting for what is right do in the eyes of God. People regret having missed their full potential. The greater the person or the highest position or the power that person had, the bigger the feeling of frustration for missing so many opportunities to impact the life of others and improve his relationship with God.

Following this simple idea, Teshuba implies, first of all, the realization of our talents and the great potential we have to make positive changes, to give, to inspire and to come closer to God.

TESHUBA, in front of a camera

“What is considered a perfect act of repentance? When one is faced with the same opportunity to repeat the original transgression, but now he does not do it because he has repented… however, when one does not repeat the original transgression, [and refrains from sinning] because now he fears people will find out… his repentance is still accepted, but it is not considered a perfect repentance”

To explain a perfect scenario of Teshuba, in chapter 2 of Hilkhot Teshuba, Maimonides gives the example of a man who is involved in an adulterous relationship and later on repents. The ultimate test of his repentance would take place if that man is eventually faced with a similar opportunity but now he refrains from repeating that same transgression because he repented, and because he has reached a new understanding: now he realizes that following his material impulses will hurt him, driving him away from God.

However, if that man faces a similar scenario but now he refrains from sinning because he fears somebody will find out about his affair, his Teshuba is still acceptable, but it is not considered a complete Teshuba. Why? Because this man might have changed his conduct, not because of his repentance and his renewed understanding, but just because of social embarrassment, fear of losing his job, etc.

A modern example: Very often we read in the news about a public figure, usually someone involved in politics, who was caught doing an immoral act. Many times these people would come in front of the TV cameras and would publicly express their regret and apologize for what they have done. This is definitely an act of repentance. However, because of its timing, this act of Teshuba is questionable in terms of its credibility and genuineness. Why? Because the whole process of repentance, regret and apologies happened as a consequence of being caught. It is possible that what prompted this person to repent was his fear to loss his reputation, his job, his family etc., rather than his moral conscience.

Following Maimonides, the perfect act of repentance in this case would have taken place if, while still involved in an illicit relationship or other immoral act, before being caught and with no impediment to continue with it, that person would decide out of his own conscience, to stop, repent and change.

That would have been a perfect a and complete Teshuba.