How do we Honor our Parents?
כבד את אביך ואת אמך
We will see now some examples of how to honor our parents
NAMING OF OUR CHILDREN
Naming our children with our parents name is considered one of the most significant ways of honoring our parents. This is a very old tradition (recorded in the Tora for the first time with Nahor, Terah’s father , and Abraham Abinu’s brother), and was very carefully maintained in Sephardic communities. In general, it is customary to name the father or mother of the husband first, and then the father and mother of the wife.
In the Ashkenazi tradition, however, children are NOT named after grandparents, while the latter are alive. Why? It is a purely practical matter: We are not allowed to call our parents by their first name. We have to call them respectfully “Dad” or “Father”, “Mom”, “Mother”, etc. This restriction, some rabbis say, includes mentioning the name of one of the parents, even when we are addressing another person. For example: if my father’s name is “Ya’aqob” and a friend’s name is also Ya’aqob, I should not call my friend by his name in my father’s presence, because it will seem like a lack of respect to mention my father’s first name in his presence (instead of saying “Dad”). Similarly, if my father “Ya’aqob” is alive and I call my son: “Ya’aqob”, inevitably, every time I call my son in the presence of my father, according to the Ashkenazi tradition, it would be gesture of lack of respect towards my father. And it is for this reason–ironically for the same reason that the Sephardic tradition indicates to name the children after one’s parents, namely., respect for one’s parents– that the Ashkenazi tradition indicates not to name the children after the grandparents while they are alive.
FRIDAY NIGHT
In many families children confer a special honor on their parents and grandparents, especially on Friday night, asking them and thanking them for their blessing. After Qiddush the sons and daughters approach their elders to receive a blessing. Parents and grandparents bless their children (even when the children are older, married, etc.) with the blessing of the Cohanim: “May HaShem bless you and protect you, etc.” Many parents also bless their children saying: ” May God bless you as well as Efraim and Menashe, etc. “, wishing their children and grandchildren that all their good wishes are fulfilled. This gesture of honoring elders–very common in Sephardic families–is that immediately after receiving this blessing, the children kiss their parents’ and grandparents’ hands. While kissing the hand is a custom that fell into disuse in modern Western society (I remember reading several times in old Spanish books the acronym s.s.q.b.s.m or simply “qbsm.” Do you know what does it mean? SU SERVIDOR QUE BESA SU MANO ), in the Jewish family it is considered a sign of respect and love towards our elders.
ALIYA LATORA
In the Synagogue, it is also customary that when the grandfather or the father is called to ascend to the Tora, all members of the family rise from their seats in honor of their elders. This gesture of honor is also conferred when older brothers, uncles or other relatives are called to the Tora. When the father or grandfather returns to his seat, once his Tora reading is finished, the children and grandchildren often kiss the hand’s of their elders as a sign of honor. When a elder of an extended family (a “patriarch”) is called to the Tora, it is not uncommon to find tens of people rising up in his honor
FINANCIAL SUPPORT
The Talmud (Qidushin 32) states that children are not obliged to support their parents financially, when parents have the means to support themselves.
However, when parents cannot work because they are already too old, and / or when they do not have the means to support themselves, it is a great Mitsva to support one’s parents financially and provide them, according to what the children can afford, with food, clothing, housing, and whatever necessary for them to live with dignity.