TENTH COMMANDMENT: Three ideas to overcome envy

1. Ostentation.
Envy can not be completely eradicated. But there is something we can do to minimize envy, or at least not to encourage it. We can behave with “humility” and act in the opposite way that a consumerist society proposes:  avoiding exhibitionism of our material goods. We can refrain from boasting about the expensive vacations we take, and showing off the parties we celebrate or the clothes we wear, or in the car we drive. Learning to show less than what we have, is a valuable habit that is worth cultivating. I’m not referring here to living with austerity, which is a personal choice, but to avoid exhibitionism. I have the right to enjoy what HaShem allowed me to gain through my honest effort. But still, and especially in front of others, I must behave modestly and humbly, and never look down at those who have less than me. Especially, not falling into the trap set by consumer society, which encourages us to impress others and arouse their envy.

 

2. Which way should I look?
If envy is a natural instinct, impossible to eradicate, at least it must be channeled in a positive way. As we have already explained, there are areas of life in which envy, far from being negative can help us grow. For that, we must learn where to look. There is a pasuq (verse) of the Tora, which although it refers to an issue unrelated to envy, serves as a mnemonic reference on this sensitive subject. The Tora says that HaShem is our God, and that there are no other gods either “in the heavens and above, nor on earth and below.” Let’s apply this idea to the area of envy.  “In heavens” means in spiritual subjects: knowledge, integrity, relationship with God, etc. In all these “heavenly” subjects, I must look upwards, that is, I can and must compare myself and “envy” the one who is better than I. Envy / admiration in these areas is the best incentive to stimulate our own growth. Also, I should aspire to have friends who are better than me in the “heavenly” areas. Watch them, admire them and “envy” them in a way that would lead me to imitate them.

 

On the other hand we have, “On earth, below” in earthly affairs, in all that has to do with material subjects, I must look down, that is, I must compare myself with the one who has less than I. If I have 10, I should not look at the one who is 15 and envy him or her. That attitude will only lead me to feel miserable and frustrated. I must look at those who have less than I do. I must think that Barukh HaShem (Thank God!) I have 10, which is much more than 9, 8 or 7. And when I compare myself with those who have less than I, I suddenly value much more what I have.
We must adopt the habit of “orienting” our eyes up or down, as we are talking about matters that concern the material or the spiritual.

 

3. Emuna.
Finally, the most important habit to overcome envy is Emuna, faith in HaShem. There are several levels of faith in God. First, of course, is the belief in Him, and all the theological and philosophical aspects related to His existence. Then, part of the Jewish faith is also to know that HaShem “masbia lekhol hai ratson”, feeds and maintains each one of His creatures according to His will, that is, to His determination. Emuna means the “acceptance” that HaShem is ultimately the one who determines how much we would have materially. In the context of envy, “Emuna” refers to this very high level of faith. To know that despite our maximum labor efforts, HaShem has the last word: He decides how much I earn, how much I have and how much I have left. And it is He who determines how much my neighbor makes and how much my neighbor has. Knowing, recognizing and accepting, for example, that if He wanted to, and despite my tremendous efforts, I could have much less than what I actually have (if ח”ו I get sick, or I have an accident, etc.). Knowing that HaShem is in charge,  must inspire me with a great inner peace, He gives me what He considers that I deserve and need, and I accept it in peace. This thought is an integral part of the Jewish faith.

 

One last idea: Knowing, acknowledging and accepting that HaShem “is in charge” is exactly the message of the First Commandment. If the reader remembers it, we explain it as follows: “I, HaShem, I am your God”, means: “I, HaShem, I am in charge of you, as demonstrated by having set you free from Egypt, the house of bondage.” And if HaShem is in charge of what I have and what my neighbor has, envying my neighbor puts in doubt my belief in Him, or my faith in His justice or His judgment. To envy is to challenge the premise that ultimately HaShem is “Eloqekha”, my God, our God.

 

In this way we now conclude our learning of the Ten Commandments, seeing that the Last Commandment brings us back to the First, thus closing an important circle of Mitsvot that we must constantly remember.

 

תם ונשלם שבח לאל בורא עולם

 



TENTH COMMANDMENT: What Is The Opposite Of Envy?

וראך ושמח בלבו
Yesterday we explored the concept of “evil eye” and explained that the attitudes we have towards others in regards to envy or generosity are defined in Hebrew with expressions associated with the eyes. The “bad eye” (עין רעה) describes a lack of generosity or selfishness; the “eye of the wicked” (עין הרע) defines envy and jealousy; a “beautiful eye” (עין יפה) refers to the qualities of goodness and material detachment; and a “good eye” (עין טובה) defines altruism and nobility of character.
Let us focus in this last concept, “a good eye” to understand better the phenomenon of envy.
עין טובה: Envy is a recurring theme in the Tora. Ironically, almost all the brothers in the book of Bereshit, Genesis,  from Cain and Abel to Yosef and his brothers, struggled at some point with envy.  Feelings of envy appear in matters related to birthright, to parental attention for children, or  competing for Divine attention.
The first brothers who succeeded in completely avoiding the phenomenon of envy are at the same time the last brothers who appear in the book of Bereshit: Ephraim and Menashe, the sons of Yosef. Ya’aqob Abinu blessed his grandson Ephraim before Menashe, who was the firstborn and should have been blessed first. Menashe accepted his grandfather’s choice, which had practical implications; the text does not indicate that he reacted badly or had any resentments toward his younger brother’s success. Thus the book of Bereshit begins with fratricide, one brother killing the other, and slowly progresses into fraternal harmony. In terms of overcoming envy, what could be better than accepting the success of the other?
In the next book of Tora, Shemot, we encounter Moshe and his older brother Aharon. HaShem reveals Himself to Moshe and orders him to deliver Israel from Egypt. At one point HaShem also instructs Moshe for Aharon to join him and assist him. At that point, the Tora expresses what will happen when Aharon meets Moshe: וראך ושמח בליבו, “And he [Aharon] will see you and he will rejoice in his heart”. It is important to note two signiciant aspects of this episode. First, the Tora is preparing its readers to understand that we are talking about feelings related to envy / altruism. Although no “eyes” are mentioned, the Tora uses a verb associated with sight: “And he shall see you.”  Second, Aharon will rejoice “in his heart,” that is, internally, not as an external formality but in a truly genuine way.
Additionally, it is crucial to recall that Aharon was the older brother. Perhaps today we do not give much importance to this detail of birth, but in those times the elder brother was expected to be the natural leader of the family. And when this order was not preserved, the family harmony was on the verge of collapse. Aharon as the older brother should have been appointed as the leader who would set Israel free. Instead, his role was now to be his younger brother’s assistant, his shadow. However, not only did Aharon have no misgivings, and accepted his new role (as happened with Menashe), but Aharon also rose to a higher level: he was happy, joyful, for his younger brother’s assignment as a leader. And his joy was neither protocolar nor forced. It was a totally sincere and unconditional joy.
This is עין טובה, “the good eye,” the ability to rejoice over the success of others.
The “good eye” is the attitude completely opposed to envy. In fact, it is the best and most effective antidote against all the evils of envy. But having a “good eye” is not easy or very common, since it requires a very high level of spirituality and material detachment. Do you know people like that? It is uncommon to find many people with this type of altruism. Achieving this level of generosity can take a lifetime of hard work in the refinement of our character. But the effort is worth it, since mastering the virtue of a “good eye” is the best guarantee of a happy, elevated and fulfilled life.
Tomorrow, BH, we will finish our analysis of the Tenth Commandment “Do not envy” and we will see how we can gravitate towards the “good eye” level.

 



TENTH COMMANDMENT: Positive envy

קנאת סופרים תרבה חכמה בבא בתרא, כא, ע”א
The Envy of the Sages Multiplies Wisdom

The famous Jewish psychoanalyst Erich Fromm (1900-1980) wrote a monumental book called “To have or to be?.” Fromm’s book, which could well be considered a book of “Musar” (Jewish ethics), shows the difference between these two verbs, explaining that there are two forms of “identity.” 1. When we identify ourselves by what we have and identify others by what they have, and 2. when we identify ourselves and identify others for who they are.

I would like to extend this profound analysis of Fromm to an entirely different area, envy. The idea is that there are two types of envy: 1. Negative envy; when I envy someone for what he or she has, and has managed to possess, and 2. Positive envy, when I envy someone for who he or she is or managed to be.

Let’s look at some examples from the world of “to have”. I can have or possess money, investments, estates; the best car, the best cell phone, the best house, etc. I can also have a good working CEO of a famous company, etc. What we have is vulnerable. Everything we have can be lost. Someone can take it away from us or usurp it. Besides, everything I have can be acquired and “transferred”. What I have, can also be the object of envy. There are those who will envy my house or my fortune or my position, etc. And many will perhaps try to compete with me and take away what I won.

Let us now look at some examples of “to be.” To the dimension of “being” belongs, for example, my “wisdom”, what I have learned, studied and experienced. My “character”, that which over time I refined or modified in my personality, my patience, a little longer than before, my good mood, which is now almost unconditional, my sensitivity towards the one who suffers, which I developed because I also suffered, etc. And then there are my “values”: my generosity, my spirituality, that is, the relationship I built with HaShem, my integrity, etc. All these virtues of the dimension of “to be” are not vulnerable or transferable. They can not be bought, sold or inherited. Although studying is expensive, wisdom can not be acquired with money, but by spending time studying and reading. Something similar happens to my character: as much as I want, I will not be able to “transfer” my children my patience, something that I cultivated over the years. And while a parent can teach his children integrity, there is no guarantee that this or any other value will be necessarily or automatically transferred to my heirs. In the dimension of “to be” there are no transferences.

Now that we may understand a little better the difference between being and having, we can continue our thought about envy. When envy happens in the realm of “having”, it is destructive. Envy can destroy the envied person and often destroys the envious. Sometimes an envious person not only that he will not get what he wants, but he may well lose what he has. To prove this last point the rabbis cite the example of Korah. מה שביקש לא נתנו לו ומה שבידו נטלוהו ממנו. Korah “had” an important position within the Jewish people. But for him it was not enough or fulfilling, since his cousin, Moshe “had” a higher position than him. Korah organized a rebellion against Moshe with the intention of usurping his position. In the end not only that Moshe was not affected by Korah, but Korah did not get what he wanted, and moreover, he lost everything he had. Material envy leads us to unfocus ourselves from our own achievements and pushes us into looking obsessively at the success of others. This type of envy destroys us from inside, sowing within us very negative feelings such as depression, hatred, resentment. Our existence, like that of Korah, becomes miserable.

Now let’s talk a bit about envy in the dimension of “being.” Envying someone’s wisdom is a positive feeling since more than envy is admiration. And since I know that I can not “take” away from my colleague his knowledge, his character or his values, the only natural option I have left to channeling my admiration for him is “imitation.” If I want TO BE like him, I need to devote more time to study, to cultivate my patience a little more, to refining my character, to developing a better relationship with God, to re-evaluating my values, etc. In other words, this envy is positive because it encourages me to grow.

Our rabbis called the envy for the wisdom of another person קנאת סופרים, “envy or competition among Tora scholars”. Which in fact does not affect or diminishes the wisdom of the person I admire, but ultimately multiplies it.

 



TENTH COMMANDMENT: Envy and its Three Levels

לא תחמד
The last of the Ten Commandments says, “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house: you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his servant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything of your neighbor.” (Exodus 20:17).
As we know, the Ten Commandments were repeated by Moshe to the people of Israel 40 years later, before the people entered the land of Israel. The two versions of the 10 Commandments are virtually identical. With a few exceptions. One of these exceptions has to do with the Tenth Commandment. While in the book of Shemot (Exodus) it says: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house …”, in the book Debarim also says “You shall not desire …”, (לא תתאווה) your neighbor’s house, etc. Maimonides and other rabbis explain that the Tenth Commandment includes not one but two Mitsvot, two different levels in the area of envy.

According to Maimonides, “You will not desire” is transgressed when one desires something that his or her neighbor owns, and thinks or plans the way to get that object from him. This prohibition has to do exclusively with thought.

“You will not covet” on the other side, has to do with action. When I not only envy what my neighbor has, but actively try to get it from him, I press him to sell it to me, intimidate him, etc. This commandment is actively transgressed when I obtain the object of my desire, even if I have paid for it.

Thus, there are three levels related to the act of envy or jealousy.
1. The first level of envy is when I spontaneously desire what my neighbor has. This thought, although as we shall explain later, is the root of all the rest, is not technically “penalized” by the Tora, as these thoughts enter our minds involuntarily. 2. The second stage is when I allow and let that spontaneous thought of envy to settle in my mind, and I transform it into my own thinking. This happens when I plan how to get what I want. In this case, there is already an element of “voluntary action” and personal responsibility, even if everything only happened at the level of thought. Therefore, planning, calculating, and speculating about how I could get what belongs to my neighbor is considered a transgression of the Tenth Commandment. 3. When my plan materializes, and I obtain what I coveted, even by permissible means, I have transgressed the most serious level of the Tenth Commandment.

As we have explained, spontaneous envy (the first level) cannot be eradicated. A European Jewish poet, Solomon N. Rabinovich, wrote the following satire to illustrate the human problem of envy. One of his characters confesses: “The day that I do very well in my business, when I arrive in my town I tell all my neighbors that I did very bad, and so, I am happy and they are happy. When I do very bad, when I get to town I tell them that I never had a better day, thus, I’m sad and they are sad too. ” Beyond the funny angle, this crude satire shows us that humans, by nature, are envious.
But,  there are ways to conquer the thoughts of envy. The Tora teaches us that one can be educated not to be envious, first of all, by not letting the feelings of envy to settle in our mind.
In the next days, B’H will see how this self-education is achieved.

(To be continued)

 



TENTH COMMANDMENT: You Shall Not Covet

While the highest ideal of a Yehudi is to develop a character that is immune to the feeling of envy, the reality is that it is almost impossible to prevent a thought of envy from “seeping” into our mind. But what we can definitely do is avoiding that thought from being installed in us, “controlling” our mind and causing us great emotional damage.

Controlling or channeling envy is perhaps the oldest lesson HaShem taught mankind. When Cain saw that HaShem had received the offering of his brother Hebel (Abel) and had rejected his, Cain was filled with envy and became depressed. What had happened? While Hebel had offered to HaShem, as a gesture of gratitude, the best of his harvest, Cain offered Him what he no longer wanted, what he would have anyways discarded. HaShem explained to Cain what he had to do to have his offerings received: “Cain, why are you depressed? If you simply do things better [and you are a little less selfish] your offering will be received” הלא אם תטיב שאת ” … And if you do not, I want you to know that this sin [envy] will make you fall, because if you do not control it, it will end up controlling you … “. As we all know, Cain did not listen to the words of HaShem and instead of concentrating on doing things better to get his offering received, he chose the easiest way: to kill the competition. Thus, envy destroyed the victim and the perpetrator. Envy killed Hebel and condemned Cain to live a nomadic life and being permanently persecuted.

In Melakhim 1, chapter 21 we have another example in which envy led to murder. Nabot , an honorable citizen of Israel (circa 900 BCE) was the neighbor of King Ahab, of the Kingdom of Israel. Nabot had a vineyard. And Ahab the king wanted his vineyard. And Ahab said to Naboth, “Sell me your vineyard, which is near my palace, that I may make for myself a beautiful garden.” Naboth replied to Ahab that he could not sell his vineyard, for it was the inheritance of his ancestors. Ahab returned to his palace, sad and depressed (like Cain). The king, who had everything, was now a prisoner of his envy. He became obsessed with having the field of Nabot. He could not think of anything else. He felt that his happiness and personal fulfillment depended on possessing that vineyard. Envy seized his mind. His Phoenician wife, Izabel, a woman of reprehensible behavior, asked the same question that HaShem asked Cain: “Why are you depressed?” And when Ahab told her the cause of her sadness, Izabel advised her husband exactly the opposite of what HaShem advised Cain. Instead of minimizing the importance of that vineyard and encouraging her husband not allowing himself to be controlled by envy, he said to him, “Are you not the king of Israel? Now you will see how I will give you the vineyard of Nabot.” Izabel planned a plot against Nabot, falsely accusing him of having blasphemed God and the king, a capital crime. She paid two indecent men to act as false witnesses and incriminate Nabot. Finally, the court found Nabot guilty. He was sentenced to death and executed. And Izabel said to Ahab, “Now you may confiscate the vineyard, take possession of it and do with it as you please.”

It is interesting to note in this case that violating the last Commandment, “YOU SHALL NOT COVET,” led to the transgression of the Ninth Commandment, “DO NOT GIVE FALSE TESTIMONY,” when Nabot was falsely accused. And also the Eighth, “YOU SHALL NOT STEAL,” when Ahab “confiscated” the property of Nabot. And the Sixth Commandment, “DO NOT KILL”, when they executed poor Nabot. Envy leads to all that, and more.

The last commandments prohibit criminal acts: “6. You shall not kill, 7. You shall not commit adultery, 8. You shall not steal, and 9. You shall not bear false witness.” The Tenth Commandment, “You shall not envy” forbids what eventually might lead to transgressing any or all of the previous four Commandments. Envy is the root of many destructive actions. It pushes us to destroy others and ends up destroying our own lives.
(To be continued…)


NINTH COMMANDMENT: Lie and Don’t Feel Guilty

לא תענה ברעך עד שקר

Following our analysis of the Ninth Commandment, “You shall not bear false witness,” we will now see some examples of exceptional cases where lying may be justified.

Shelom Bayit: Lying to promote or maintain peace in the family is justified, as long as this lie does not cause harm to any other person. The rabbis deduced this important principle from Yosef’s brothers. When Yosef was young, he was betrayed by his brothers who abducted him and sold him as a slave. After many years, Yosef became the ruler of Egypt. Yosef behaved with them without resentment, but they thought (mistakenly) that Yosef still held grudges and that he behaved positively with them only to prevent more anguish to his father, Ya’aqob. When Ya’aqob Abinu died, the brothers thought that now Joseph would take revenge on them. So they lied to Yosef (Genesis 50: 15-18). The brothers asked, “What will happen if Yosef still holds a grudge against us and makes us pay for all the evil we did to him?” Then they sent a message to Joseph, saying: Your father ordered the following before he died: Say to Yosef, please: forgive the transgression of your brothers and their sin…”. In fact, Ya’aqob, had not sent any message to Yosef (it is possible that Ya’aqob never knew, or did not want to find out, what the brothers did to Yosef). The Hakhamim justified this lie because Yosef’s brothers thought that otherwise the harmony of the family would have been compromised forever. And the Hakhamim also observed that this type of “white lies” is only allowed when this lie does no harm any other human being, as in the case of Yosef and his brothers.

  

There are other cases in which the Rabbis indicated that the truth could be modified (leshannot min ha-emet): when it contradicts other important Jewish values.

Illustrations:

  

1. Masekhta (Talmudic Treaty). According to Rashi, if a person, for example, knows perfectly and by heart, a Talmud treatise and someone asks him how well he knows this Talmudic treatise, one can hide the truth and say that he does not know it very well. We Jews value humility immensely, and since in this case, by modifying the truth, no harm is done to anybody, is permitted. Other rabbis (Magen Abraham) added that in this same way one could also behave with humility in other religious or spiritual areas. For example: if someone is doing an act of Hesed (charity) or practicing an extra severity (humra) he can (or should!) hide it from others.

  

2. Puraya (sexual intimacy): In matters of intimacy, it is also allowed not to reveal the whole truth or even modify the truth. If someone asks something inappropriate, for example: “Will your wife go to the Mikve tonight?” or something similar, you can hide the truth for reasons of Tseni’ut (= discretion).

3. Ushpiza (guest): Ba’ale haTosafot explain it this way. In the past, there were no hotels, and travelers often looked for someone that would offer them a bed for the night and a piece of bread for breakfast. Now, I stayed in someone’s house, and they treated me exceptionally well. And I suspect that if I make public my praise to my hosts, many other travelers –some of whom might not be honest or could behave abusively– will try to stay in that house, it is permissible to deviate from the truth and hide the praise to the host for his exceptional treatment. Since otherwise everyone will want to stay in that house, and involuntarily, I might be causing a possible abuse situation towards my generous host. In this and other similar circumstances (a generous donor, etc.), it is allowed to hide the identity of my benefactors or to minimize their generosity.

  

As we see, although the truth is a very high value in Judaism, and the Tora warned us to move away from lying, sometimes, to behave humbly, with morality or to avoid harm or abuse to generous people, we can deviate from the truth.
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NINTH COMMANDMENT: How to Run Your Business by The Book

לא תענה ברעך עד שקר

The Ninth Commandment, “You Shall Not Bear False Witness” introduces us to a very important subject in Judaism: the value of truth and honesty. In the coming days, through some examples, we will explore how we Jews view the dynamics of these values.

Telling the truth and acting honestly is seen in Judaism as one of the highest religious imperatives. So much so that our Rabbis affirmed that upon our arrival in the World to Come (= life after this life) we will have to answer three questions before the Celestial Tribunal, in order to evaluate the spiritual level that we have reached in our worldly existence. The first question the heavenly court will ask us has to do with our behavior with money. ? נשאת ונתת באמונה “Have you conducted yourself with integrity in your business?” Clearly, our way of acting in our business is considered by our Tora as the most accurate indicator of our religious level.

Illustration: I sell cars and a customer tells me that he wants his new car before the end of the month. And I know that I will not get that car by the end of the month, should I tell the truth to my client and lose a sale, or I should lie to him and tell him that I will get the car. Then, a few days before the end of the month I make some excuses? In this way, I will not be losing a client. Our Tora is very strict about the prohibition of lying. In Shemot 23: 7 the Torah says categorically: מדבר שקר תרחק, “You shall keep yourself away from the lying.” Therefore, even when I know that by telling the truth to my customer, the customer will go somewhere else to buy his car, I must tell the truth.

  

2000 years ago our Rabbis affirmed that the “seal” of HaShem (God) is: “The Truth”. What does this mean? In antiquity, the seal of a King was what today is a signature. A visual mark that served to identify, for example, that a letter had been written or dictated by the King. Likewise, the presence of HaShem is represented by His signature “The Truth”. In other words: every time we act honestly, especially in our business, we “sign” the name of HaShem. When we are willing to act with integrity, especially when financial losses can be significant, we are affirming with our actions that we value His instruction and we acknowledge His Presence. And so, an honest action is transformed into His signature. My righteousness becomes His seal. Since indirectly and without words, I demonstrate that HaShem exists. And the people who see how I acted will be inspired to declare, “This honest proceeding comes from HaShem (= from His Tora).”

On the other hand, if a Yehudi lies, fabricates stories or acts deceptively to earn money, he “pushes HaShem away.” By acting deceptively in his or her business, by not signing his action with HaShem’s seal, he is causing people to not “seeing” HaShem. His dishonest action, in some way, makes His signature disappear. It is as if that person had “sold” the Presence (or the reputation) of HaShem for money …

Finally, in his book Pele Yo’etz, a mini-encyclopaedia of Jewish moral values, Rabbi Eliezer Pappo refers among other subjects to commercial honesty. And it shows us a different angle about the value of truth and honesty in business. Rabbi Pappo states that apart from his inestimable spiritual value, acting honestly in business is good for our business. Since the most valuable product in the business world is “a good name”. When we act honestly, many times we lose some business and we don’t make money. But in the long term, by acting honestly we are building a good name, a reputation that will surely attract more businesses and more customers to our company. In other words, honesty is not only a very important religious value; acting honestly is also a very intelligent business decision. There is no better asset and advertisement for a businessman or a professional than a good name and a good reputation.

 



NINTH COMMANDMENT: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor”

לא תענה ברעך עד שקר
The Ninth Commandment says, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor,” which is explained by Jewish tradition as “You shall not lie in a court of justice.”

As we have explained, DO NOT STEAL refers to the highest level of stealing: stealing a life (kidnapping, human trafficking, enslavement, etc.). The Ninth Commandment also refers to the highest form of lying: lying in the court of law. If lying in court was not criminalized, justice could not possibly be served. And without justice, we would have corruption, anarchy, and impunity. And human society would collapse. The Tora warns us severely about the manipulation and distortion of the judicial system, criminalizing, for example, bribery of judges or other court officials. The Ninth Commandment warns us specifically about lying in court, what is known as “perjury.”

Jewish law takes the matter of judicial testimony very seriously. There are several conditions that need to be met for someone to serve as a witness. For example, witnesses can not be relatives of the accused or of one of the parties. In a Jewish court, a single witness can not testify. At least two witnesses are needed. The fact that two witnesses are required, instead of one, while cannot entirely stop perjury, drastically diminishes the possibility of false testimony.

There are also maters of character that can disqualify a witness. The wicked (resha’im) are incompetent to act as witnesses. This includes people who have committed crimes: delinquents, scammers, thieves, usurers, etc. Neither can gamblers serve as witnesses, or people who deliberately and without justification cease to work or study, as they are suspected of spending their free time in criminal activities (see further details in Shulhan ‘Arukh Hoshen Mishpat Chapter 34).

A man who has no basic knowledge of Tora (the Bible) or Mishna, or of the basic norms of civilized behavior (derekh erets), is presumed to live a questionable life and therefore is not considered competent as a witness. This presumption, however, is refutable if there is evidence that, despite this person’s ignorance, his conduct is unblemished.

All these requirements and limitations (and more) are intended to avoid, as much as possible, that the Jewish judicial system could be manipulated or defrauded.

Returning to the topic of false witnesses; in the time of the Rabbinic courts, there were severe penalties for false witnesses. For example, if false witnesses were challenged by other witnesses, proving that they could not have been at the crime scene during the date they mentioned in their testimony (‘edim zomemim), the first witnesses would receive the penalty or punishment corresponding to the crime they wanted to adjudicate the accused. Thus, for example, if based on the testimony of these false witnesses, the accused would have to pay compensation of a 1,000 dollars, the false witnesses would have to pay 1,000 dollars. What is more, if the false witnesses accused someone of a crime that carries the death penalty, these false witnesses were to be sentenced to death.
In spite of all these efforts for justice to be served, sometimes a false witness can not be detected. The Tora, however, guarantees that when human justice is deceived, Divine Justice will soon arrive.

We read in the book of Mishle, the proverbs of King Solomon, that a false witness who deceived the court, will have to face Divine Justice. HaShem will not absolve or forgive a false witness. עד שקרים לא ינקה ויפיח כזבים לא ימלט, “A false witness shall not go unpunished, and he who declares lies shall not escape [Divine justice],” Proverbs 19: 5.

Every day, three times a day, we ask in our Tefilot [= prayers, specifically, the ‘amida] from HaShem to renew the courts of justice, and thus, when righteousness reigns, many of our sorrows will disappear. We declare at the end of this prayer that HaShem, is מלך אוהב צדקה ומשפט, is a King [ “King” here means “Supreme Judge”] who loves righteousness and justice.  And therefore, He will not let impunity reign.

 



SEVENTH COMMANDMENT: Boundaries in Relating to the Opposite Sex

In these past days, we have been learning about Jewish morality in the area of sexuality. Knowing the moral codes of the Tora is essential to protecting marriage and faithfulness. Today I want to finish the study of this commandment with one last reflection.

We have explained that sexuality in Judaism is sacred and exclusive. The sanctity of this act has to do with the framework where it takes place: marriage.

There is another element that also belongs exclusively to the relationship of husband and wife, of utmost importance, and of which much less is spoken. Let’s see. The first time the Tora describes a sexual relationship, it says: “And Adam KNEW Eve his wife.” This knowledge is not physical but emotional and is conducive to sexuality. Therefore, it should also be reserved for the husband-wife relationship and should not take place outside of marriage.

Adultery often occurs without premeditation. That is, feelings between two people might develop without one realizing it. As we have often explained, the Jewish strategy to protect marriage loyalty is to set certain barriers or preventative measures, such as Iyhud, i.e., not to seclude with another woman or another man, other than one’s spouse, or to avoid physical contact with the opposite sex, etc. We must also be aware that when we relate to people of the opposite sex, we must maintain an emotional distance, knowing that adultery usually happens as a consequence of a previous emotional connection.

Good relationships between human beings begin with “respect”. I can not relate to someone, to my neighbor for example, if he does not respect me, or if I do not respect him or her. Respect is the most primary requirement of every human relationship. Then, when that relationship grows a little more, we would be talking about “cordiality”, which is one level above respect. In a relationship based on cordiality, there is positive communication, a good understanding and a healthy exchange of ideas. Then the relationship can reach the next level. And this is where the Hakhamim teach us to be careful. The next level is a level of “emotional trust” or “emotional closeness” (in Hebrew, qirub da’at). In a relationship of cordiality ideas and thoughts are exchanged, but in a relationship of emotional trust feelings, secrets and more private information is exchanged. This relationship, which may not necessarily have to do with the sexual at the beginning, is a more intimate relationship. KNOWLEDGE (da’at), and as we saw in Adam’s case, it usually leads to the next level: intimacy. For example, when a young couple begins the dating process, they treat each other with respect, then with cordiality, and then if the relationship grows, a more intimate, more emotional, and more trusting “knowledge” of each other will unfold. When this happens, it is a good indication that the couple can go forward, towards marriage.

Now we can understand better the warning of the Rabbis of Musar (Jewish ethics) regarding qirub da’atwith people of the opposite sex. What can happen if a married man starts an emotional relationship with one of his employees? If he shares with his secretary, for example, the problems he has with his wife? What happens when a married woman reaches this level of emotional trust with her dentist, her coach, her teacher, etc.? Of course, this “emotional relationship” does not happen overnight. It had to have passed first for respect and then for cordiality. And somehow, perhaps unconsciously, it reached a higher level.

To protect conjugal fidelity one must be aware of the levels at which a human relationship develops. And a married man or woman should always keep respect and cordiality towards every human being, but they should avoid reaching a level of an emotional relationship when they relate to people of the opposite sex.

Faithfulness is the basis of the Jewish family. Protecting fidelity guarantees our marital happiness and the emotional stability of the people we love most. Protecting fidelity involves the self-imposition of certain codes of behavior and interaction with people of the opposite sex. An awareness and the application of certain “boundaries”. This will avoid men and women getting into situations that are more difficult to control.


THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT: Socialization or strategic planning?

We continue with some thoughts about the Seventh Commandment: “You shall not commit adultery”. Last Thursday we talked about the difficulties a Jewish person has in maintaining his code of moral conduct in a society with opposing codes. We explain that sexuality in Judaism takes place exclusively in the intimacy of marriage. This not only has to do with the Jewish view on premarital relations or adultery, but also with the phenomenon of the sexual revolution of the 1960s and the sexual industrialization that characterizes modern society. Take as an example the hyper-sexualization of girls, a phenomenon of which modern society still ignores the consequences in the long run. Girls 8, 9 or 10 years old use make up, dress in a seductive way and behave like adult women. And all this comes through the influence of the media, television, internet, and smartphones.

 

What should we do then with this media invasion that threatens to transform Jewish values and the Jewish codes of sexual behavior?
SOCIALIZATION: Socialization means that people absorb the values of the society in which they live without evaluating or questioning those values (since it is usually the only values they know) and integrate them into their personality. Many Jews do not know enough about Judaism, or have not been well informed, and have no other frame of reference to evaluate what surrounds them. These people are probably “socialized”. And  that state one assimilates to what he sees and happens around him. When we talk about assimilation we should not only think about mixed marriages. It is the assimilation of values, of non-Jewish moral codes, which must first concern us.
Now, when you study Tora and learn the morality and the codes of the people of Israel, you develop an awareness of what is going on around you. And then you can look at it and evaluate the reality around you “from the balcony” (an expression used in psychology to describe an objective view, from outside of oneself, and in this case, from outside the culture that surrounds us). Only then one is able to compare one moral code against the other and make an informed evaluation.

 

But, is there anything that can be done once one is aware of the negative impact of sexual banalization?
Following the example we mentioned before, parents who do not want their children to be “socialized” into the modern moral codes, there are at least two possible strategies.

 

FILTERS: There are parents who will let their children have and use computers, smartphones and the Internet, but with certain limits. I’m not talking about time-limits but content limits. Examples: today there are routers that can be programmed to limit access to adult material. There are also free virtual filters like K9. And the most popular and effective ways of controlling internet are the “Jewish” Internet providers, which will filter out inappropriate material (see here ). TAG, for example, is one of the most important companies in this area and has offices in many cities around the world. See http://www.taghelpline.org/. Another provider is KOSHERNET www.koshernet.com which also has subsidiaries all over the world.  There are also  “parental control” apps for smartphones. See THIS.  All these filters would drastically reduce the exposure of our children to sexual mediatic banality, and other distortions of modern society.

 

BLOCKING: Many Jewish families would choose not to have access to TV or internet or cell phones with internet, altogether. These families establish these virtual barriers since they think that otherwise it would be impossible to avoid exposure to modern moral trivialization. While it is not easy to close your home hermetically to your cultural surroundings, these Jewish families, without electronic screens in their homes, create their own environment, where studying, reading and relaxed family conversations fill the spaces that other homes occupy with the internet.

 

It is not my intention to pass judgment on which strategy is the best or the most effective. I think both have their logic and merit. And both require great effort and sacrifices.  What is most critical is the understanding of the problems of socialization in modern society, and the sense of urgency to avoid the trivialization of something as intimate, sacred and delicate as sexuality.

 

It is true that society exerts an influence that seems impossible to overcome. But after all, we are descendants of Abraham Abinu. A man who, convinced of his values, was able to resist social pressure and was willing to make huge sacrifices to turn away from what separated him from HaShem, and stay on the side of truth.