A few hours ago, I returned from Israel. We had the great merit of being in Jerusalem for several weeks, celebrating the wedding of two of our dear children. Besides the great happiness that we had as parents, we also enjoyed being in our beloved land, Israel, and more specifically in Jerusalem, Yerushalayim ‘ir haQodesh.

Israel is a land of miracles. Not only miracles of the past, in the days of our Kings and Prophets. Israel is a country where you also experience miracles today .”Identifying” a miracle is not easy .. it is easier to recognize a miracle when it already happened, than while it is actually happening to you. Our Sages said that “whoever experiences a miracle, can not identify it” (אין בעל הנס מכיר בניסו). There is a psychological barrier that says, “If it is happening to me, here and now, and I see it and I live it, it cannot  be a miracle.” In the next lines we will try to overcome this barrier.

וישבתם לטח בארצכם

To begin with, the feeling of “security” that I felt in Israel, I did not feel it anywhere else in the world. Nor in the safest neighborhoods in New York, let alone in South America.

At night you can walk in the streets of Yerushalayim, and  you do not feel insecure. The opposite, the Mamila shopping center or the old train station, which now is an area of luxurious  restaurants, at 11 or 12 at night, is full of people, mostly families with their children and grandchildren, enjoying peacefully the cool summer breeze of Jerusalem.

In Jerusalem, and throughout Israel, one sees many people with guns. Probably in no city in the world you would see so many men, especially civilians, carrying weapons. And yet, I did not feel fear. On the contrary, I felt more secure.  Because I trust the hands that hold these weapons. I can not imagine not having a panic attack at the sight of armed civilians walking freely in any other country in the world …

Personally, what surprises me most, is to see during the day very young children walking by themselves, very calmly and without fear. I have often seen a 6 or 7 years old child walking, or going up or down the bus, taking care of his or her little 4 or 5 years old brother or sister. I have lived in many countries and I never saw anything like it!

The most miraculous part of all this, is that this exceptional sense of security occurs ironically in the only country in the world whose existence is openly threatened. Israel is, literally, in the center of the Middle East, in the middle of the world’s most dangerous battlefield. Where every day hundreds, or thousands, of people are brutally murdered.

This sense of security is experienced in a country where our neighbors are our enemies … I remember in my first visit to Israel, our guide pointed to a construction site where all workers were Arabs. And he said, “When it comes to Israel, if you do not believe in miracles, you are not realistic.  And here’s the proof: the same hands that want to destroy Israel, are building it”.

וקבצתי אתכם מכל העמים

And then, the most important part of Yerushalayim. The Kotel HaMa’arabí, the Western Wall. I like to  pray at the Kotel on Friday night. Why the Kotel? Our rabbis said that although we no longer have the Bet haMiqdash, the Shekhina, a miraculous reflection of the Divine presence, still resides at the Kotel. Praying at the Kotel is praying as close as possible to HaShem. The closest to His dwelling pace. Experiencing in our souls an echo of His presence.

And what is special about praying at the Kotel on Friday night? Friday night you can experience the other miraculous dimension of the Kotel, the human dimension. Let me explain: we Jews, are unfortunately very divided: religious, non-religious; Sephardim, Ashkenazim; Hasidim, Mitnagdim; army, no army; 45% of Jews live in Israel, 55% outside of Israel; There are Yemenite Jews, Ethiopian, Russian, South American; They are Americans and there are the French jews (more present than ever). We are so different from each other. And usually you see the Hassidim with the Hassidim; soldiers with other soldiers; and the French with the French. Except on a Friday night at the Western Wall.  When I finish my Tefila, I like looking at the Kotel from the balcony, and observe what is probably the biggest miracle of our times. Witness, with my privileged eyes what our prophets were able to visualize only in their most optimistic prophecies: the gathering of the exiles (qibbuts galuyot); the end of 20 centuries of separation and division that our people suffered in the diaspora. Because every Friday night at the Kotel you see literally all the people of Israel represented in this special place. All together, with one and same feeling in the heart, עם אחד בלב אחד. An incredible human rainbow where Yehudim of all colors and backgrounds pray, sing and dance “together.” And nothing and no one separates them. I know of no other place in the world, or any other time, where you can witness such a miracle. Where you can recognize this incredible miracle that easily.

May HaShem allow us to continue enjoying many years of peace, security and unity in Eretz Israel. And all of us, who are still living in our voluntary exile, may we all merit to live very soon our final redemption, בב”א

Rabbi Shemuel ben Moshe de Medina (abbreviated רשד”ם) was a great Talmudist and the Rosh Yeshiba of the Talmudic academy of that city. His teachers were the famous rabbi Yosef Taitatsaq, who was also one of the teachers of rabbi Yosef Caro, and Rabbi Levi Ibn Habib. These two rabbis were very different in their orientation and intellectual horizons. Both were great luminaries, but while Rabbi ibn Habib was inclined to reason and Talmudic logic, rabbi Taitatsaq was more inclined to mysticism and qabbala. Rabbi Medina absorb from these two rabbis, but ironically, he did not dedicate himself nor to philosophy not to mysticism, virtually all of his teachings and writings focus on Jewish Law (Halakha).

He lived thorough many personal misfortunes. Rabbi Medina lost his father at a very young age. Then,  his two sons in law, rabbi Yosef Tsarfati and rabbi Ytshaq Hayoun, died at a young age living behind their wives, the only two daughters of rabbi Medina and numerous children. A few years later, his brother, a man of means who educated him and supported him financially, also passed away.  And the burden of the maintenance of his widowed and her children also fell upon him. Still, he did not abandon the study of Tora and continued writing and teaching. In all this time, he never wanted to be paid from the public community funds, even though he was in a great need of money. On the contrary, as a testimony of his great humbleness, he paid his communal taxes, from which he was technically exempted as a Tora scholar, to avoid presumption ( כדי לא להחזיק עצמו כתלמיד חכם) and  benefitting from his Tora.

Rabbi Medina founded a Yeshiva in Salonica in which he introduced the system of teaching of the great Spanish talmudic scholars from the time of Isaac Campanton. This Yeshiba was supported by the famous Jewish philanthropist Doña Gracia Mendes Nasí. He had many disciples, among them rabbi Abraham di Boton, author of lehem Mishne.

Rabbi Medina was the accepted Halakhic authority both in his own and in the following generations in Salonica and beyond. Numberless questions were addressed to him from all parts of the Ottoman Empire and Italy. Rabbi Ḥayim Shabbetai said of him: “He was an expert judge of encyclopedic knowledge, and one must not deviate an iota from his decisions”. The Halakhic decisions of rabbi Medina were studied an incorporated also among Eastern European Tora scholars in later generations, and his rulings are often quoted in modern times by judges in the State of Israel in support of their decisions.

Rabbi Medina was one of the leaders of the congregations coming from the “Gerush” (the expulsion from Spain and Portugal). Rabbi Medina himself was of Portuguese origin and he acted as the rabbi of the Portuguese Synagogue in Salonica. Still, when a controversy aroused on the subject of liturgy (Jewish prayers), and the congregations wanted to print their own Siddurim, rabbi Medina decided to print the version of the Spanish Jews (sefaradim), and not the Portuguese, based on the merits of that version, which was in his own words, “flawless and accessible to all”.

In one of the controversies which took place in Salonica and elsewhere, Rabbi Medina maintained the right of the wealthy members and contributors of the community to regulate the direction of communal affairs. According to him, as had been the custom in Spain, the leadership of the community should be in the hands of those who bear its financial burden, providing they were loyal to the religious principles.

He died at Salonica in 1589. His son was rabbi Moshe De Medina, who was a very important rabbi and a successful merchant and philanthropist, helped to found a new Hebrew printer where many important Tora manuscripts were published for the first time thanks to his generous efforts. Among them, of course, the book of his father Pisqe Rabbi Shemuel De Medina ( שו”ת מהרשד”ם).  This book contains a total of 956 questions and answers on all areas of Jewish law, with an introduction by his own son, Rabbi Moshe.

You can download the book of Rabbi Shemuel De Medina,  published in Luvov 1860, clicking here.

The first Mitsva mentioned in the Tora is Piryia veRibyia, the commandment (and God’s first blessing to mankind) to get married and bring children to this world

Two thousand years ago, in Pirqe Abot, the Rabbis said that a man should get married when he reaches 18 years old. They said that God himself “watches him and waits for him from 18 to 20 to see him getting married”.  However, the Rabbis themselves explained that if the boy is busy with his studies and fears that once married he will have to stop studying (itbabtel min haTora ) he could postpone his marriage (Shulhan Arukh, Eben haEzer 1:3). Some rabbis suggest that marriage should not be postponed beyond the age of 24 years old, even in these circumstances.

Clearly, according to our Rabbis, it is preferable to get married young. But they themselves acknowledged that there are other elements beyond age to be taken into consideration. For example, the maturity of the boy and the girl, which is essential to have a happy life and a successful marriage (=Shalom Bayit), and the possibility to provide for the basic expenses of a family.  Maimonides writes on this las point: “Those who are emotionally-balanced (derekh ba’ale hade’a) is that they first secure a job which enables them to provide for their livelihood; then they get a home, and then, they get married. But those who are emotionally immature (tipeshim), first, they get married, then they try to get a place to live, and then they look for a job…” (De’ot 5:11).

We can see that, in the Rabbis’ opinion, the younger one gets married, the better. Especially when one is emotionally mature and has the means to live a decent life, then marriage should not be postponed unnecessarily.

Can a younger sibling get married before the older?

Normally, every family expects the older daughter or son to get married first. This is the accepted tradition and there are two sources to support this idea. One is an allusion to this ancient custom from the words of Laban to Ya’aqob, when Laban refused to give his younger daughter Rahel in marriage before Leah. He said: “In our place, this will not be done, giving the younger (to marriage) before the older” (Bereshit 29:26).  The second and more solid source is the case of the five daughters of Tzelofhad, who according to our rabbis got married according to their age.

Nevertheless, the Rabbis see this tradition not as a matter of law but as a matter of preference. They do not mention any prohibition for the younger brother or sister to get married first, if she or he are at the age of marriage.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein has a very interesting interpretation of this tradition. In his opinion (IGM, EH’E 2:1) giving the priority to the older sibling to get married, applies only when both of them are engaged. Then, the wedding of the older sister or brother must take place first. But other than that, if the younger sibling finds her spouse first, she should not be prevented from the opportunity.

In many communities it is customary that in this case, the younger brother or sister asks formally permission from his older sibling (let us not forget that honoring the older sibling is part of the Mitsva of Kibbud Ab va-Em), and the older sibling is expected to give his or her blessing wholeheartedly.

Although the basic elements of the Jewish wedding are exactly the same , there are some customs which different from community to community and even from family to family.  In the following lines I will present very briefly a few examples of customs that vary between the Sephardic and the Ashkenazi tradition.

FASTING BEFORE THE WEDDING

In many Ashkenazi communities, the custom is that the groom fasts on the day of his wedding. This fast is part of the process of Teshuba that the bride and groom undergo, since according to the Gemara in Yebamot 63b and the Talmud Yerushalami in Bikurim 3:3, the transgressions of the Hatanim are forgiven when they get married, if they do Teshuba. The tradition of Sephardic Jews, particularly according to Rabbi Obadia Yosef, is that the groom should not fast because, among other reasons, for the groom his wedding day is like a Yom Tob, a festive day, and the process of Teshuba should be carried out differently,  for example, by praying and studying more intensely that day.

BEDEKEN

In the Ashkenazi tradition, prior to the actual wedding ceremony, the groom accompanied by his parents, friends, and the Rabbi amidst joyous singing of his friends, covers the bride’s face with a veil. The veiling and unveiling of the bride reminds the event in which Ya’aqob Abinu took Leah as his first wife believing that she was Rachel. The bride wears this veil until the conclusion of the Hupa ceremony. In Sephardic communities the bride enters to the Hupa veiled, but the veil is removed in the qiddushin, when the groom gives the ring to the bride and consecrates her as his wife, since the witnesses must be able to recognize the bride.

UNDER THE STARS 

In many Ashkenazi communities the custom is to get married under the stars, i.e., weather permitting, the Hupa would take place outdoors and at night.  In Sephardic communities there is no such custom, and wedding ceremonies take place outdoors or indoors indistinctly. According to the Sephardic tradition (Minhag Yerushalayim) the wedding ceremony should take place preferably during the day, prior to sunset.

ASHES ON THE GROOMS FOREHEAD

Similarly, when a groom marries, he should place ashes on his forehead, on the place where one wears tefillin.

Maimonides Ta’aniyot 5:13, Shulchan Arukh, Orach Chaym 560:2

וּכְשֶׁהֶחָתָן נוֹשֵׂא אִשָּׁה לוֹקֵחַ אֵפֶר מַקְלֶה וְנוֹתֵן בְּרֹאשׁוֹ מְקוֹם הֲנָחַת הַתְּפִלִּין.

WALKING AROUND THE GROOM 

In most Ashkenazi communities, when the bride comes under the Chupa she walks around the groom seven times. According to Kabbalistic sources, the seven rounds represent the seven days of Creation: “Since every marriage is a re-enactment of the creative process, she walks around the groom to indicate that these seven cycles are now repeated”. Sephardic Jews do not practice this custom.

THE CHEDER YCHUD

In the Ashkenazi tradition, immediately after the wedding, the groom and the bride seclude themselves in a Cheder yichud, a locked room in which they remain together and alone for a few minutes.  Most Sephardic Rabbis, and particularly Rabbi Obadia Yosef, reject this Minhag. They explain that the  Yichud of the Hatan an the Kala takes place not after the Hupa ceremony but after the party ends, and the bride and the room go to their private room.

As we have explained yesterday  Jewish Law requires the presence of two adult male witnesses in a marriage ceremony. 

Not any man is competent to act as a witness.

Some illustrations:

Biblical Law disqualifies the testimony of a relative. This is learned from the verse in Deut. 24:16  which describes capital punishment “Parents are not to be put to death for their children…. nor children put to death for their parents”

Jewish Law explains that in the same way relatives are not competent to testify in a criminal case, they are disqualify to testify in any other case, civil, commercial, etc. Now, once we know that relatives are disqualified as witnesses, we need to clarify what is the degree and nature of the closeness which would disqualify a person from bearing testimony  in a  wedding ceremony.  For example: is a second or a third cousin considered a close relative? Is a brother in-law considered a relative to this effect? etc. The law that explains which relatives are qualified and which are disqualified as witnesses is very complex and they can be found in the Shulhan ‘Arukh, Hoshen Mishpat chapter 33).

Three examples:

1. The Mishna in Sanhedrin 3:4 lists as disqualified witnesses the following relatives: father, brother, uncle, brother-in-law, stepfather, father-in-law, and their sons and sons-in-law. The rule was extended to cover nephews, cousins and many other in-laws.

2. There is another important rule known as “ishto kegufo”, lit. “his wife, as himself”. Which means that the husband of a relative is disqualified as his wife is. For example: if the wife is  the bride’s sister or cousin, her husband cannot act as a witness, even though he is not a blood relative of the bride.

3. Witnesses who are related to one another are incompetent to testify together, even when they are not related to the bride and groom.

Aside from relatives Jewish Law also disqualifies a man to act as a witness until he reaches the age of 13.  In some other  legal cases, to buy o sell real estate for example, the minimum age required by Jewish Law is 20 (MT, Edut  9:6).

The wicked (resha’im)  are incompetent to act as witnesses. This includes: criminals, swindlers, perjurers and informers. Individuals who have committed capital offenses, thieves and robbers, usurers, tricksters, gamblers and gamesters, as well as idlers who are suspected of spending their leisure in criminal activities (see more details in Shulḥan ‘arukh Ḥoshen Mishpat Chapter 34).

A man who has no basic knowledge of Tora (Bible) or Mishna, nor of civilized standards of conduct (derekh erets), is presumed to be idle and disorderly and therefore is considered to be incompetent as a witness. This presumption, however, is rebuttable by evidence that, notwithstanding the man’s illiteracy, his conduct is irreproachable. 

A person called to attest or testify together with another person whom he knows to be incompetent as a witness must decline to testify, since the incompetence of any one witness invalidates the testimony of the whole group of witnesses.

This is why in a marriage ceremony the Rabbi will very carefully select two witnesses and indicate to the groom to appoint them “to the exclusion of all others”, i.e., other people who are incidentally witnessing the ceremony and who might not qualify as witnesses.   

After the Ketuba is read, it is signed by two witnesses. The role of the witnesses is obviously witnessing to the marital status of the couple when necessary. In this respect, the requirement of the presence of witnesses in a Jewish wedding is similar to the requirement of witnesses in any other legal, religious or secular events and ceremonies. Most states in the United States, for example, require the presence of two witnesses in a civil marriage (though in some states, like California, you can have a private wedding without witnesses).

In Jewish law, witnesses play another very important role. The witnesses actually validate the marriage. Technically speaking, the presence of a rabbi is not a requirement sine-qua-non for the validity of a Jewish marriage, as it is for other religions, or as it is the presence of a judge in a civil marriage. In theory, all that is needed for a Jewish couple to be considered legally married is the presence of two witnesses during the key moments of the ceremony (see below). The witnesses act as “notaries” who validate and give a public (as opposed to private) status to the marriage ceremony. Without the presence of two witnesses, a ceremony of Jewish marriage is invalid, even if a rabbi was present.

The presence of witnesses is required twice during the ceremony:

(1) qiddushin: When the groom gives the bride the ring, saying: “Behold you are consecrated to me as my wife, by this ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel.”

(2) Ketuba: When the Ketuba is accepted by the bridegroom through the qinyan. The two witnesses also sign the Ketuba.

Although halakhically not necessary, in many communities it is customary for those who act as witnesses of the act of qiddushin to be also the witnesses of the qinyan and sign the Ketuba.

According to what we have explained earlier, that the witnesses actually validate the marriage ceremony, the reader will understand that one of the most important responsibilities of the rabbi who presides the wedding ceremony, perhaps the most critical responsibility, is to select the witnesses. Because if a witness is not suitable to act as such, the marriage is not valid.

We will see now some rules related to the assignation of the witnesses.

a. How many witnesses are needed? In the wedding ceremony two witnesses are needed. This is the general rule not only in the case of marriage but also for almost all legal acts (there are very few exceptions where the testimony of one witness is sufficient, for example, aguna). The rabbi who presides over the ceremony is in charge of assigning the witnesses, and he would usually ask the groom to reassign the witnesses he chose “to the exclusion of any other witness.” This is necessary because if someone were to act on his own as an additional eyewitness, and he is unfit to be a witness (for example, a relative of the bride or groom) the entire testimony and the wedding itself will be invalidated. That is why the groom has to assign explicitly the witnesses, usually by saying, atem tihyiu ‘eday, excluding any other person from functioning as an additional witness.

עד שבא שמעון בן שטח ותיקן שיהא כותב לה: כל נכסי אחראין
לכתובתה
כתובות פ”ב

Yesterday, we explained that the Ketuba is similar to a marriage insurance. Which means that if the marriage is ח”ו dissolved, the Ketuba establishes the sum of money that the husband needs to pay his wife as a compensation. The function of the Ketuba therefore, is to protect the wife. While without a Ketuba a divorced women would be left with nothing (that was the case, by the way, in most gentile civilization up to modern times) the Ketuba insured that this would not happen to a Jewish woman. And at the same time, as the rabbis had explained, the Ketuba served as a powerful deterrent for husbands, lest they decide to divorce their wives in the heat of the moment. Knowing that he has taken upon himself a big financial responsibility, would make the husband think again and avoid impulsive decisions.

To make this point even stronger, the rabbis made a very important addition in the text of the Ketuba. In the beginning, the Ketuba was closer to a “mohar”, a gift or inheritance that the husband would willingly leave to his wife. This created a situation in which many women would remain single because they were scared to be left with nothing. That is why, at the end of the text of the Ketuba we have a clause to insure the collection of the Ketuba’s value in case the husband does not have enough cash or liquid assets to cover the value of the Ketuba. This clause was established by Rabbi Shimon ben Shatah (120-40 BCE). Rabbi Shimon was credited with the actual making (or remaking) of the Ketuba שבת טז: שמעון בן שטח תיקן כתובה לאשה , in other words, he made from the Ketuba a collectable debt, instead of a voluntary gift or inheritance. Thus, after the final amount of the compensation is calculated, the Ketuba mentions that all properties (real estate or qarqa’) and possessions (portable goods or metaltelim) of the husband are mortgaged to this Ketuba. The groom pledges to pay for the Ketuba even “from the shirt that he is wearing on his shoulders”. Accordingly, if the husband does not have the actual money to compensate his ex-wife or his widow, his assets could be seized by the Bet Din (the Rabbinical court of Law) to pay the value of the Ketuba.The groom also pledges that the the Ketuba is binding on his heirs (who might not necessarily be the children of his wife), during his lifetime, and after it.

The Ketuba is then signed by the witnesses. But before that, the Ketuba is formally accepted by the husband by a legal procedure called qinyan. The qinyan is performed as a barter (qinyan sudar or ḥalifin), i.e.,an exchange by which goods or services are exchanged for other goods or services. The Rabbi who presides the wedding gives the groom an item, normally a handkerchief or a pen or any other item, except food or coinage. Upon receiving that item the groom declares: “qibbalti ‘alay beqinyan…”, which means, “I formally accept upon myself… all the obligations of the Ketuba” . By lifting the item he received, the groom acquires that item and in exchange he grants the rights of the Ketuba to his wife.

Once the qinyan is done, the Ketuba, which is written from the point of view of the witnesses, says: VEQANINAN… “And we have acquired (i.e., witnessed the procedure of acquisition ) this Ketuba from the groom…. to the bride… and we attest that all is valid and confirmed (sharir veqayam)”. These last words are a rabbinical formula to indicate that the document has ended, so that nothing else can be added to it except the signature of the two witnesses.

As we have previously explained, the Ketuba is the document that records the obligations of the Jewish husband toward his wife. The text of the Ketuba is composed of three parts:

1. First, the Ketuba states the date and place of the wedding and the names of the bride and groom (see here).

2. The duties of the husband while he is married to his wife. We have summarized them by mentioning the three main Biblical obligations (see this).

3. The financial obligations that the Jewish husband undertakes towards his wife, particularly the monetary compensation that the wife would eventually receive in case, God forbid, the marriage is disolved. This part of the Ketuba is actually the most important and the longest part (approx. 75% of the whole text) of the Ketuba. The Ketuba mentions that the husband insures his wife with a compensation in case the marriage is dissolved (=divorce or death of husband). The amount of this compensation is calculated based on the following three elements.

1. Iqar Ketuba or the basic sum of the Ketuba

2. The Nedunya, or dowry

3. The Tosefet or tosafot, or additions to the main sum.

IQAR KETUBA: This is the amount of money determined by Jewish law as the minimum compensation that the wife is entitled to receive from her husband in case of dissolution of the marriage. This compensation varies if the wife is single or if she has been previously married. There is a discussion among the rabbis if this compensation is of a Biblical (Rashi) or of a Rabbinical (Maimonides) origin. This amount, also called mohar, consists of “two-hundred zuz”. Although the current monetary value of two hundred zuz is a matter of discussion among scholars, in the times of the Talmud, two hundred zuz was the amount a person needed to maintain himself or herself during a year (food, clothing, lodging, etc). In other words, “two hundred zuz” is a basic year’s salary.

NEDUNYA: The second element that compose the Ketuba is the nedunya, often translated as dowry. The nedunya includes the valuables and assets that the wife brings into the new family. The Ketuba mentions as examples: silver and gold articles, jewelry, house-utensils, bedding, etc. These articles are mentioned explicitly to show that the wife is not coming into the marriage empty handed. Technically speaking, the husband has the right to trade or use the value of the dowry as he sees fit, but he still accepts responsibility for losses. These assets become for the husband “iron sheep” (tson barzel), which in Talmudic jargon means that his financial responsibility toward them will never expire. If the marriage is dissolved, it is his responsibility to restitute the dowry or the value of the dowry to his wife.
Now, regardless of how much valuables the bride brings into the marriage as her dowry, the ancient custom is to register the dowry at the fixed sum of one hundred pieces of silver (me-a zequqim dekesef), which according to some opinions in today’s market value it will worth around $17,000. Why does the Ketuba register a fixed amount and not the amount that each bride brings into the family? This uniformity of the value of the nedunya is established to avoid any distinctions between a rich and a poor bride, and prevent embarrassment or ostentation. Thus, no matter what the actual value of what the bride brings into her marriage is, the husband obligates himself to eventually pay her back this fixed amount.

TOSEFET: The third component of the monetary compensation of the Ketuba is the tosafot or voluntary increments. There are two increments which are normally added in the Ketuba. First, the increment to the dowry, which is traditionally the equivalent of the dowry itself. In other words, the husbands duplicates the value of the dowry and commits himself to restitute his wife 200 zequqim dekesef, instead of 100.
Second, there is an increment to the main Ketuba that the husband promises his wife. In some communities they would specify the amount of this increment in local currency. In other communities, the tradition is to state that the husband adds an increment to the main Ketuba, without specifying any amount of money. This “tosefet ketuba”, a voluntary increment to the mandatory basic financial obligation, is usually set following the local customs.

As the reader can see, the sum of money mentioned in the Ketuba is not related to any money the husband “pays for his wife” or to her family to take her as his wife. The Ketuba is the equivalente of a marriage insurance, by which the husband commits that in case of dissolution of the marriage, he will pay his wife the main sum of the compensation (iqar ketuba), restitute her dowry, and pay the additional increments or additions, following the local custom.

The second part of the Ketuba states the obligations of the husband towards his wife. The groom declares to his bride that he is taking her legally as his wife “according to the law of Moses and Israel”, implying that he accepts all the responsibilities of a Jewish husband.

The Tora established the three main duties of the husband towards his wife

1. she-erah: to provide his wife with sustenance

2. kesutah:  to supply her clothing and lodging

3. ‘onatah:  to cohabit with her.

1. she-erah.   The first responsibility of the husband is tomaintain his wife financially.  This is the first duty stated in the Tora  (Exodus 21:10), in the language of the rabbis is called “mezonot” (food, i.e., alimony/aliment= food).

A few illustrations from Maimonides

MT, Ishut 12:10-11: The husband is obligated to supply food for his wife and children according to his material means. A husband who is poor should provide only two meals a day, and a wealthy husband should make provisions for having nutritious foods (meat, fish, or whatever is the local custom) every day.

MT, Ishut 12:16-17: If a husband leaves his home for a business trip overseas (in ancient days people would travel overseas for months or years, with virtually no possibility of communication) and the wife is left with no means to obtain food, the rabbinical court might confiscate and sell the husband’s assets to provide food for his wife and children, provided that at least three months have passed since the husband left. It was assumed that thoughtful husbands would leave sustenance for their families for at least 90 days.

Illustrations:

Clothes: The husband has to supply his wife with appropriate clothing for each season of the year. Regarding the quality of this provision, the rule is that the husband must provide his wife with a level of clothing according to: a) what the husband can afford, b) the local custom, e.g., the social needs of a woman who lives in a farm are not the same as the needs of a woman who lives in a city (Maimonides, MT ishut 13:2). This category also includes the husband’s obligation to provide his wife with non-essential items (13:4) such as jewelry, cosmetics, etc. at a level which results from the balance between the husband’s financial possibilities and the wife’s social needs (=local custom).

Place of residence: The place of residence is sometimes determined and written in the Ketuba, if husband and wife agreed upon it in advance.  If the husband wishes to change his usual place of residence, the wife is expected to move with him. Some exceptions are: 1. A disreputable neighborhood (13:15). The wife can refuse to move to a violent or corrupt place. 2. Israel: if the couple lives in Israel, the wife can refuse to move out of Israel or if they live in Jerusalem, she can refuse to leave Jerusalem. (13:19-20).

3. ‘onatah. In Biblical Law, conjugal rights are explicitly granted to the wife. The Tora indicates in Exodus 21:10 that the husband “must not deprive his wife from her food, her clothing and her marital rights”.  In the words of Maimonides, a husband’s consistent refusal to engage in sexual relations, deliberately  or maliciously, is considered a transgression of a Biblical prohibition, and the woman has legal grounds to ask for her divorce, claiming the full amount of the financial compensations established in the Ketuba. This  does not apply, however, when the reason for the husband’s abstinence is, for example, health-related.  (Maimonides MT, ishut 14:7). The Talmud also discusses the expected frequency of the husband’s marital duties based on the husband’s occupation (14:1).

Although not based on a specific Biblical statement, the wife is also expected to fulfill her conjugal duties. A wife who without a justified reason or maliciously (kede letsa’aro) permanently denies from her husband his conjugal rights is called a rebellious wife (moredet) and, in case of divorce, she is not entitled to any compensations (14:9).

It is important to clarify that the primary purpose of Mitsvat ‘ona is to reinforce the loving bond between husband and wife.  In a separate Mitsva, the Tora indicates the commandment of having children (peru urbu). This Mitsva, ‘ona, is independent from the intention of procreation. Illustration: when conception is not possible, such as during pregnancy or when the woman is under a permissible form of birth control, or when the wife is no longer able to bear children, the couple is still expected to have an active marital life.

In honor of  the wedding of Orit Bitton and Adam Harari, BH  in Yerushalayim עיה”ק