THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT: You shall not commit adultery

לא תנאף

Two months ago, before the start of the month of Elul, we began to study the Ten Commandments (see this ), and we got to the Sixth: “You shall not murder”. Today we will continue with the seventh commandment: “You shall not commit adultery”, i.e., the prohibition of having intimate relations with any other person other than your spouse.

There is much to talk about this commandment, so B’H we will spend more than one email on it.

Let us clarify first that the Jewish view of sexuality, unlike other religions, is extremely positive. Our Sages explained that our behavior, in general, should lead us to be like God. He is compassionate, fair and generous, so we must also be compassionate, fair, generous, etc. This “imitation of God” reaches its maximum level when husband and wife become “creators” of a new life. Procreation allows us, more than any other act, to resemble HaShem.

In addition, sexuality has to do with reaching our physical and emotional fulfillment as individuals. When the Tora describes sexuality for the first time it says: “And man … will unite with his wife (this is a euphemism for sexual intimacy) and become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).” Hence a man or a woman are seen in Judaism as half a human being (Pelag Gufa). An individual reaches his or her fullness only when marrying. And in the sexual act, this fullness reaches its peak.

It is also very interesting to note that the first time the Tora describes the sexual act it says, “And Adam KNEW Eve his wife” (Gen. 4: 1). This word “knew” associated with sex, does not function here as a euphemism. It might be said that for Judaism the most important sexual organ is the brain. “Knowing” the other person, sharing the same ideals, values, objectives it is a sine qua non prerequisite for sexual intimacy. That is, there must be a common mental and spiritual goal shared between man and woman, and a mutual and formal commitment of both parties to create and maintain a family. This, of course, is marriage.

Because of its importance and its creative powers sexuality needs to be regulated. This Shabbat we read in the Tora the portion of Noah and the flood. Sexual violence and sexual abuse were the first symptoms of the moral degradation of the generation of the flood. For those individuals, sex was no longer an act that brings humans closer to the Divine. And it no longer had to do with love or the sacred. For that generation sexuality consisted in the unscrupulous search for satisfying a hormonal instinct, like animals.

Sexuality is a sacred act, but it is also vulnerable and corruptible. Here is a simple illustration to better understand this concept. Wine is a very important element in Jewish liturgy. We used wine to perform the Qiddush (sanctifying the Shabbat), the ceremony of marriage (sanctifying our commitment to our spouse) in a Berit Mila, in the Pesah Seder, etc. In all these occasions wine is associated with holiness or sanctification, joy, and celebration. But when we abuse wine, or when alcohol is overused in other frameworks, the association of wine with holiness (qedusha) disappears. And alcohol can lead to profanity, and immorality and destruction. We read this Shabbat how alcohol excess led Noah to lose his scruples, his conscience, and his decency.

The same happens with sexuality (multiplied by 100!). Sexuality has its proper context: marriage. Within marriage, sexuality is an act of holiness, which allows us to imitate the Creator, and brings us closer than any other act to the person we love the most.

But in the case of adultery, outside of marriage, sex is destructive (in the modern world, in most cases of divorce, infidelity plays a vital role and usually represents the last red line that has been crossed). Cheating makes us lose our conscience, our decency, and our family. It drives us away, more than any other act, from HaShem and from the ones we love the most.

(To be continued)

Rabbi Hayim Benveniste (1603-1674) and the false Messiah Shabbetai Zevi

In the picture above you can see Balat, the old Jewish quarter

Rabbi Hayim Benveniste was born in Istanbul, Turkey in 1603. At the time the city was called Constantinople and had a very large and thriving Jewish population, formed primarily by Jewish refugees who were expelled from Spain in 1492. While the poor Sephardic Jews were rejected from everywhere else in the world, or forced to convert to Christianity or Islam in order to be accepted, the Turkish Sultan Bayezid II (1481-1512 ) formally invited the expelled Jews from Spain to come to Turkey. And he issued a law forbidding persecution or discrimination against Jews throughout the Ottoman Empire. Jews settled in two major cities: Constantinople and Salonika (=Thessaloniki, which became the only city in the world in the 16th century with a majority Jewish population). Over time more and more Yehudim arrived in Turkey, not only in Spain Portugal and Spain but also from Poland, Germany, and France.

Rabbi Hayim Benveniste came from a prestigious family of Rabbis who came from Spain. In his youth, he studied with the great luminaries of Turkey, including Rabbi Yosef Miterani. At the age of 21, Rabbi Benveniste was chosen as one of the two chief rabbis of Smyrna, together with the famous Rabbi Aharon Lapapa.

In 1665 the false Messiah Shabetay Zevi came to Turkey. He enjoyed enormous popularity in virtually every Jewish community in the world, Sephardic and Ashkenazi. The suffering of the Yehudim was so intense that people blindly clung to what they perceived as a ray of hope. Shabetay Zevi was very charismatic, and he was also supported by many Rabbis. Rabbi Hayim Benveniste and his colleague Rabbi Aharon Lapapa were the main opponents to Shabetay Zevi in Turkey. In Shabbat, December 12, 1665, Shabetay Zevi burst into the main Synagogue of Smyrna, confronted Rabbi Benveniste and caused a huge uproar in the community. Many Rabbis, and most people were captivated by his charisma (and surely pressured by their great despair) and Shabetay Zevi became virtually the highest authority of the Jewish community in Turkey. Rabbi Benveniste was overwhelmed by this situation. Rabbi Aharon Lapapa, which continued vigorously opposing Shabetay Zevi, was expelled from the community (sic.).

Most other Rabbanim supported Shabetay Zevi. This weird situation lasted for nine months. Shabetay Zevi went to meet the Vizier and was threatened by him to convert to Islam or be executed. (It is believed that the Sultan Mehmed IV told him: “If you are so powerful and can do miracles as you say, I will ask my soldiers to shoot 10 arrows at you. If you’re still alive, I myself will become one of your followers”. Shabetay Zevi did not accept the challenge and chose conversion to Islam). When he converted, though some of his followers said it was only a temporary strategy of the Mashiah, Rabbi Benveniste and others realized the great deception. This whole story was very painful and very harmful, not only for the Turkish Jewish community, which was the epicenter of this movement but also for almost all Jewish communities around the world for years.

BOOKS: Rabbi Benveniste wrote many very famous books. Among them: “Keneset Hagedola“, a book of four volumes about the Tur Bet Yosef and Shulhan Arukh. This book is so important that the famous rabbi HIDA (Rabbi Hayyim Yosef David Azulay, 1724-1806) said that a rabbi can not issue a verdict (pesaq) without consulting the Keneset Hagedolah. “הרב הנזכר מאיר עיני גולה הוא בספרי כנסת הגדולה אשר נדפסו בשמונה חלקים, ובלעדו לא ירים איש מורה הוראה הבקי בדרכי הוראה והוא מיראי הוראה את ידו בשום הוראה עד שילך מהרה לבית הכנסת ויראה מה בפיו ומה ירמזון עיני חכמתו, ואחר צאתו מבית הכנסת בנחת רוח יערה יורה יורה “.

He also wrote BA’E HAYE, a book of rabbinic Responsa, that is, questions and answers about many cases that occurred in the community and required a rabbinical expert opinion. This book also serves as a great historical document to study the details of the Jewish life in 17th century Turkey.

MASHIB HARUAH: What would happen if it stopped raining?

In today’s modern world, when most of us live in urban areas and not in farms, it is difficult to appreciate the importance of rain. For us, rain is more an annoyance than a blessing.

Today, I want to share with you some facts about water and rain, which hopefully will help to understand why we praise our Creator for the miracle of rain when we say the beautiful Tefila mashib haruah umorid hageshem (=You are the one Who makes the wind blow, and the rain to fall)

What makes our planet unique in the universe? You might say “life”. And that is true. But there is something else that enables life, and which according to our Tora, was created before life. Something that scientists look for when they search elsewhere in the universe to find life. You would probably say “water”. And you will be partially right. To be more precise you need to say: “liquid water”. Why? Because water (H2O), or the signs of it, was found on other planets, but always in the form of ice. Our planet is blessed to be the only little place in the entire universe which possesses “liquid water”, thanks to the Intelligent Design of the earth’s mass, the sun’s mass, and particularly the fine-tuned distance between our planet and the sun.

But this is not the end of the story of water. Normal salt water, i.e., ocean’s water, is not suitable for living organisms that live on dry land. All land creatures, including humans, need water-without-salt to survive. That precious liquid is called “freshwater”. Freshwater allows life to exist on our planet. And the only source of freshwater in the entire universe is “precipitation”. (Precipitation includes: snow, mist, hail and mainly “rain”, and it is normally used as a synonym of “rain”).

According to Maimonides (More Nebukhim 2:30) and many other Hakahamim (like Rabbi Moshe Hefets, melekhet mahashebet pp. 49-50, see here) the mechanism of rain was established on the second day of Creation. When HaShem separated the upper waters (clouds, rain) from the lower water (oceans). John Lynch, the author of the BBC Book “The weather” (p.84) describe with his own words the clouds as upper waters: “We live on a water planet. The seas dominate the world, but there is also an ocean around us and an ocean above us.” The Second Day was dedicated entirely to describe the miraculous mechanism of converting ocean water into the most precious liquid in the entire universe: rain.

Now, let’s see some numbers to appreciate a little more the miracle of rain. Freshwater is water with low concentrations of dissolved salts. Out of all the water on Earth, only 2.75% of it is freshwater. From it, 2.05% is water that is frozen in glaciers. 0.68% is groundwater. And just 0.0101% of it, is surface fresh water gathered in lakes and rivers. This 0.0101% is what all creatures that live on dry land, including us, drink for our survival! The Second Day was dedicated entirely to establish the conversion process of primeval ocean water into the most precious liquid in the entire universe: rain.

This is why our Rabbis considered rain one of God’s most important blessings to mankind. In the second blessing of the ‘amida, when we say mashib haruah umorid hageshem we praise God for His Might (geburot), pointing out His kindness and power to produce rain, which supports and maintains life.

The sole source of freshwater in the entire universe is rain from the earth’s atmosphere. In the words of L. O’Hanlon (Discovery Channel):

“Imagine an entire planet where the universe’s finest liqueur is boiled out of fermenting seas by a brilliant yellow star, distilled in the skies and rained back down on the land, forming lakes and rivers of the inebriating brew. The planet, of course, is Earth, and the liqueur is freshwater.”

Adapted from AWESOME CREATION by Rabbi Yosef Bitton. Get the book HERE

ABRAHAM ABINU and HALLOWEEN

Halloween has unmistakable pagan origins, deeply rooted in ancient idol-worshiping practices. And although today its celebration might not be oriented toward idol-worshiping, Halloween still has many elements, too many, related to idolatry.

As we all know, idolatry or ‘aboda zara is the most serious offense in Judaism. In the Tora we are commanded to keep away from all forms of idol-worshipping. Idolatry consists of numberless rituals, superstitions, magic and mythical beliefs. “Death” was always considered the scariest mystery, which triggered extreme anxiety and agitation. Dead people, their invisible spirits, were often an object of fear, reverence, and especially cult. Halloween is no exception. “All-hallow-even” celebrates the “day of all (dead) saints”.

The ancient Celts celebrated Halloween at the end of the summer when they believed the evil spirits and souls of the dead visited the world of the living. The idol-worshipers considered the dead more or less as Hollywood considers today the “zombies”: bad and dangerous. Dead people came back to this world angry, revengeful and with the desire to recruit newcomers. Pumpkins, which resembled the unpleasant faces of the dead, were carved to welcome and appease them. Large fires would be lit to assist the dead finding their way into the world of the living. Food, particularly sweets, would be left outside the doors to feed the ghosts. All this favors to the dead were done because people believed that those who assisted the dead spirits, would be left undisturbed (“If I appease them, then they will not take me with them”).

Cats were especially important in Halloween because people believe cats could smell and warn of the presence of the invisible spirits. A black cat, however, was avoided (or killed) because witches or evil spirits reincarnated into black cats.

The devil himself would come the night of Halloween from the inferno. The Druids, the Celtic priests, wore masks to make dead people think they were one of them. These priests would knock randomly on the doors to request human sacrifices for the devil or the revengeful ghosts. If you don’t want to become a human sacrifice, at least, appease them with candies.

As you can see from this brief description, Halloween might look fun or even innocent, but it is deeply rooted in primitive idolatry and the pagan cult of death. In one way or another, most (or all) elements that were part of the ancient pagan Halloween celebration are still present in today’s Halloween. Therefore, we Jews should avoid participating in any way, active or passive, in Halloween.

As a side note, and thinking as an educator, Halloween might provide an excellent opportunity to educate our kids. How so? Idolatry was the norm in ancient days. We Jews fought against it since the day our father Abraham broke his father’s idols. But many times I find it so difficult to describe to my children the environment of idol worshiping, the real dimension of ‘aboda zara, its appeal to superstitious minds, the numberless fantasies and delusions around it, and how courageous was our father Abraham Abinu when he became the first iconoclast. It is difficult to appreciate Abraham did because primitive ‘aboda zara is almost gone… Halloween is an opportunity to help our children to visually identify the superstitions of ‘aboda zara, and the importance of staying away from it.Observing Halloween “from the balcony” will surely make us proud and privileged to be the children of Abraham Abinu.

KAPPAROT: To do or not to do kapparot with chicken?

In many communities, there is a Minhag of doing Kapparot in the eve of Yom Kippur, what is the best way to do the Kapparot, with chicken or with money for charity?

First of all, we need to clarify that there is no Mitsva in the Tora to perform the Kapparot, or any kind of animal sacriﬁce, in the eve of Yom Kippur. In our days, as Maimonides explains “en sham el-la teshuba”, there is nothing else but Teshuba to atone for our sins. Teshuba is a serious mental and emotional process of retrospection, which consists in the admission and confession of our flaws and bad habits, which ultimately should lead us to improving our behavior .

Kapparot is a practice which was initiated by the common people -not by the rabbis- at the time of the Geonim (year 800-1000 CE). The Kappara made with a live animal suppose to help inspiring our Teshuba. By seeing the Shehita (slaughtering) of the chicken, we realize the extreme fragility of our lives. We then realize the appropriateness of doing Teshuba, reflecting on our own mortality. This is, by the way, the frequent explanation for the effect that the qorban, in the times of the Bet haMiqdash, had in the sinner’s consciousness.

However, soon after the custom of Kapparot became more popular some prominent Rabbis like Ramban (Nahmanides) raised their voices against this practice. Maran Rabbi Yosef Caro (1488-1575) the author of the Shulhan Arukh, the supreme Code of Law for all Jews, disapproved the practice of Kapparot with chicken in the eve of Yom Kippur, explicitly and with very harsh terms. Moreover, in the first edition of the shulhan ‘arukh (Venice 1565) it is written in the title of siman 605, where Rabbi Yosef Caro discuses Kapparot מנהג כפרות בערב יום כפור מנהג של שטות הוא. “The custom of Kapparot in the eve of Yom Kippur is a foolish custom”. In later editions the editors erased the last line. (see the original edition of the Shulhan ‘arukh here)

Why such opposition to the Kapparot?

First, as Nahmanides said: mishum darke haemori “because it is similar to the practice of idol worshipers” . (Even today, many cults like Macomb, Vodoo, etc. use a small chicken as a sacrifice to their deities. You can Google for example “Eshu” or “Elleggua” major idol-warriors of Santeria which must be worship by sacrificing to them a small chicken).

Second, the fact that the Kappara performance looks like the Korbanot performance, made many rabbis very concerned: because slaughtering an animal as a sacrifice outside the Bet haMiqdash (haqrabat hutz) is a serious Biblical transgression . For this reason many rabbis in the past forbade the consumption of the chicken that was slaughter in the fashion (or intention) of a qorban (The Rishba, while still opposed to the Kapparot with chicken, allowed to eat that chicken, which was usually given to the poor, because it is not one of the animals who were offered as a sacrifice in the Bet haMiqdash).

Third, since so many people want to do Kapparot on the eve of Yom Kippur, the Shehita might not be done with enough care and attention in terms of the checking of the the knives and other ritual details. This is the point brought by Rabbi Obadia Yosef z”l (who in the past supported the Kapparot) to favor the performance of Kapparot with Tsedaqa (see this).

There is yet another problem, which should be of a great concern when thinking about doing chicken Kapparot. Because of the great demand and the short time to slaughter so many animals, the chicken are too often mistreated in the process, left for days in cages without food or water. This is a serious transgression of an explicit Biblical prohibitions instructing us to treat animals with respect and avoid unnecessary suffering (tsa’ar ba’ale hayim). The new Ashkenazi Chief rabbi of Israel, Rabbi David Lau addressed this issue last year (see here ).

Lastly, if the person who does the Kappara would give directly the slaughtered chicken to a poor person, as it used to be done in the past, then we could view this Kappara as a form of Tsedaqa. But people who do the Kapparot would very often take seriously the idea of transference of his sins into the chicken and therefore not they, not even needy people would be eating those chicken “full of sins”. Many of these chicken are not eaten but just wasted. And if one kills an animal unnecessarily (not to be eaten) one is transgressing another explicit Biblical prohibitions bal tashchit, i.e., unnecessary waste of the blessings, in this case an animal life, that God granted us.

In conclusion, the best way of doing Kapparot is by giving Tsedaqa (=charity for needy people). In this case, none of the above mentioned problems would apply, and in addition before Yom Kippur begins, you will be fulfilling the beautiful Biblical commandment of charity. Which is a Mitsva with no negative side effects. On the contrary, Tsedaqa was regarded as the most imortnat Mitvar ‘ase, as Maimonides writes: “We have to care about the Mitsva of Tsedaqa more than [we care about] any other positive commandment” (MT, Matanot ‘aniyim 10:1). Tsedaqa brings a great zekhut (merit) to the giver, and a great relief to the recipient וצדקה תציל ממות

See this video where rabbi Shelomo Aviner, Rosh Yeshibat Ateret Cohanim explains the ways of doing kapparot and mentions, among other things, that rabbi Kaddouri z”l and Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach z”l made kapparot with Tsedaqa instead of chicken.

ROSH HASHANA: Three questions and answers

Rosh HaShana, is a festive and joyful day, or a solemn and serious day?

To understand the double aspect of Rosh HaShana, let me share with you a question that was asked to rab Obadia Yosef z “l. A Hazan (cantor of the synagogue) should recite the prayers of Rosh HaShana with a cheerful melody or with a sad and solemn tone?

On the one hand, Rosh HaShana is a Yom Tob, a festive and joyful day in which we wish each other to have a good and sweet year. This is why during the two nights of Rosh HaShana we have a pre-meal Seder with blessings and celebration for a better new year.

On the other hand, we know that Rosh HaShana is the “day of judgment”, which begins the “Divine trial” which will determine whether we will deserve to be alive. On Rosh HaShana we recover the awareness of our fragility and our mortality. We realize that the continuation of our life is not guaranteed. That our existence is a delicate privilege, a gift from God, which can be reclaimed by Him at any time. From this point of view, Rosh HaShana is a very serious day. A ‘Yom hadin’, the day of judging whether we deserve or not deserve one more year of life …

I think that now we can better understand the question if Rosh HaShana is a joyous or a solemn day. Rabbi Obadia Yosef replied that Rosh HaShana melodies should be happy. Because although we are judged, we are aware that our Judge is also our Father, who loves us and when we recognize our mistakes is willing to forgive us and give us another chance. Hence the optimism and the celebration.

What happens if a woman has to go to the Mikve the night of Rosh HaShanah or Yom Kippur?

There are some nights in the Hebrew calendar during which marital relations are suspended.

There are two categories:

1. Yom Kippur and Tisha B’Av. During these two nights, conjugal relations are strictly forbidden by Halakha. Therefore, if the Mikve night falls on one of two nights, the Mikve must be postponed until the following night.

2. During the two nights of Shabu’ot, both nights of Rosh HaShana and the night of Hoshana Rabbah conjugal relations are also prohibited. However, this limitation is not Halakhic (= from the Talmud) but it is rather a tradition (Minhag). Therefore, if the Mikve falls during one of these 5 nights, a woman goes normally to the Mikve and this limitation is suspended. The rabbis, however, recommended proceeding with more circumspection than usual during the night of Rosh HaShana.

Do women have the same obligation as men in relation to the Mitsva of Shofar?

Men are required to listen the Shofar, following the biblical commandment “yom teru’a yihie lakhem”. And although women are formally exempt from the Mitsva of Shofar, since it is a commandment which is only fulfilled at a specific time, in practical terms, women listen to the Shofar like men. Why? Keep in mind that in addition to the formal compliance with this important command, the sound of the Shofar “awakens us from our spiritual slumber,” calling us to repent and to improve our actions. And this is a message that both men and women,need to assimilate these days of Teshuba. Therefore, it is very commendable for women to attend synagogue, hear the shofar and be inspired by its sound. The only practical difference between men and women regarding the Shofar relates to the recitation of Berakha in the case of a person who can not attend synagogue on Rosh HaShana. Let’s see. In the Synagogue the Toke’a (= the person who blows the Shofar) recites the Berakha ASHER QIDDESHANU BEMITSVOTAV VETSIVANU LISHMOA’ QOL SHOFAR for the whole congregation. And all who hear this Berakha and say AMEN, men or women, are included in this blessing. However, if a woman is not able to attend the Synagogue, when the Ba’al Toke’a blows the Shofar she should not recite the Berachah. While in the case of a man who hears the Shofar out of the synagogue, he does recite the Berakha (among Ashkenazi Jews, women also recite the Berakha in these circumstances).

HILKHOT TESHUBA 2:10. Why should we forgive? (part 7)

Mishne Tora , Hilkhot Teshuba: Chapter 2, Halakha 10.

“It is forbidden for a person to be cruel and refuse to forgive … when someone approaches him asking forgiveness, he must forgive him with all his heart and with a positive spirit … without seeking revenge or hold a grudge … this it is the attitude of the descendants of Israel [zera ‘Israel] “

The days of Elul are days of Teshuba. I have to apologize to HaShem for any transgression that I could have done against His Tora, voluntarily or involuntarily.

I must also apologize to my colleagues, friends and family for any offenses or damage I could have caused.

And I have to be willing to forgive.

True “forgiveness” includes the ability to forget. I must remember the lessons I’ve learned from all my negative experiences, which will help me to grow emotionally. But I must do everything possible to erase the desire for revenge, resentment, and feelings of hatred that might be nesting inside me, and which I’m not realizing.

Forgiving does not mean that I justify the bad or terrible things that another person did to me or told me. It does not mean that I have to suppress all my feelings or thoughts about the bitter experience. What it does mean is that when I forgive, I take emotional distance from what happened and rescue the positive elements I’ve learned.

I must realize that when I do not forgive, I’m causing great harm to myself. If I do not remove from my mind the feelings of animosity toward the offender, I’m allowing that person –his image and the negative memories associated with him– to hijack my feelings, my thoughts and my heart (in some cases: my entire life!). When I do not forgive, in some cases and without realizing it, I’m perpetuating myself in the role of a victim, and I do not allow myself to move on. Or worse, unconsciously I might turn my resentment into anger, and thus I would become and irritable person. Everything and everyone makes me angry and makes me lose my patience…

It is true that forgiveness is good for the one who offended me because I am generously offering him or her the opportunity for reconciliation. But surely, who benefits most from forgiveness is ME, the victim, the one who was offended. By forgiving, I get rid of my self-destructive feelings; I begin to heal mentally, and I regain control of my emotional stability.

Forgiving is a very complex psychological act, and sometimes it is emotionally arduous. But in these days of Teshuba, when I’m asking HaShem to grant me His forgiveness, I must be willing to forgive those who have offended me.

I cannot expect be forgiven by God if I’m not able to forgive others

(Clarification: in this Halakha I’m referring to forgiving minor offenses, in particular, social grievances. That is, when a friend, a family member or a neighbor, said something negative about me or did something that hurt me or offended me, etc. I’m referring to crimes, acts of terrorism, etc.)

HILKHOT TESHUBA 2:10. Teshuba via email (part 6)

אין התשובה ויום הכפורים מכפרים אלא על עבירות שבין אדם למקום

Teshuba, repentance for what we did wrong, can happen in two separate areas. First, with “ritual” offenses . This category includes, for example, when one transgresses the Shabbat or Holidays or does not care about the laws of kashrut, or when we disconnect from God, we do not pray or thank Him for all He has given us, etc. All these offenses are repaired by doing Teshuba. That is, 1. accepting that we made a mistake, 2. repenting; having remorse 3. articulating verbally our transgressions (confession / Viduy) and 4. making the decision to change and improve. If we do all this, our Sages explain, forgiveness is “guaranteed” (ומודה ועוזב ירוחם).

Second are the offenses to other people. If I harm someone financially, or if I hurt someone physically, or if I damaged someone emotionally offending him, insulting or embarrassing him. These offenses are NOT forgiven on Yom Kippur without a previous step. We can not fix with God the damages we did to other individuals. That would be religious hypocrisy. The damage inflicted intentionally or unintentionally to another person should be repaired first, with that person: the victim.

I have to amend materially what I did wrong: if I stole, return the stolen item. If I broke my neighbor’s window, pay for its repair. If I hurt someone physically (חובל) take care of medical costs. After I materially repaired the damage I did, I must also apologize to the victim. And finally, ask forgiveness from God for having hurt one of my peers.

Now, what happens when the damage had no material or financial consequences? In the event that the damage was emotional, I have to get close to that person and ask for his or her forgiveness. From a practical standpoint, the cases of emotional harm are more difficult to fix, since there is no material compensation to make up for the suffering of the victim.

Apologizing to people we have offended or damaged emotionally is perhaps one of the most difficult tasks we face before Yom Kippur.

As we prepare ourselves to ask forgiveness, we must overcome our shame (how am I going to admit that I acted wrong? !!), Our fear of rejection (what if he or she does not forgive me?) And especially our pride (No! I did not act wrong! He deserved it!).

Asking forgiveness is very difficult but absolutely necessary for our Teshuba on Yom Kippur.

Question: Can I apologize by phone or email? I do not think there is a single answer to cover all possible cases. But in my opinion, it is a matter of common sense. I believe that sometimes it is easier for those who ask forgiveness not to face their victim. So calling or emailing might work. I would say that regardless of the tools we use to ask forgiveness, the most important thing is that my apology would be sincere and credible: that is, not mixed with excuses, and as accurate as possible. There are some apologies that are not apologies: if I say, for example: “I’m sorry you felt offended by what I said.” Here I’m not admitting I did something wrong. What’s more, indirectly, I’m blaming the victim of being “too sensitive”! Which not only will not serve to repair my error, but it can magnify it.

Another classic question: “What if I badmouth a person, and that person does not know what I did… Do I have to apologize? Because if I ask forgiveness, maybe things would get worse?.” In this particular case, I think I can apologize without specifying what I did and said. However, when the victim knows what I did, my apology must be specific.

SELIHOT and the secret of the Mezuza

וכל עת שייכנס וייצא, יפגע בייחוד שמו של הקדוש ברוך הוא-ויזכור אהבתו, וייעור משינתו ושגייתו בהבלי הזמן

Yesterday we mentioned the poem “Ben adam ma lekha nirdam” which is about “waking up.” We explained that the idea of waking up is, on the one hand, practical, as in the month of Elul in Sephardic communities we wake up every morning an hour earlier to say Selihot.

We also said that the deeper meaning of this “awakening” relates to waking up from spiritual lethargy or forgetfulness. It is not uncommon, unfortunately, that we suffer from a spiritual asleep. And it is very easy to detect when the neshama, our soul is not awake or active. Just analyze your own thoughts: if you are not thinking about God and about the meaning of your life, it is because you are “asleep”.

In his book Mishne Tora , Maimonides refers twice to this spiritual lethargy. The second time, when he speaks of the Shofar (BH we will see this later on). And the first time, when he discusses Mezuza . Let’s see.
Maimonides states that certain Mitsvot act as protecting or guardian angels . One of these Mitsvot is the Mezuzah. But what kind of protection grants us the Mezuza? Protection against oblivion. We live very busy lives. We are flooded with all kinds of worries and distractions. Countless material needs that need to be fulfilled urgently. Bills to pay, debts, work, competition, etc. All this demands our full attention NOW. We become so distracted taking care of these urgent matters that we forget the most important: the purpose of our existence.
Obviously, the meaning of life is only relevant for those of us who believe in God. If an individual believes that we are in this world because of a cosmic accident, he is not going to be thinking about the question of “Purpose”, he would simply go ahead doing what he has to do to survive.
However, when a person knows that God created us, he also knows that he has done so with a purpose. And living with this purpose in mind (or looking and searching for this purpose) it is what gives meaning to our lives.
Can you imagine a person who believes in God and yet he or she is so absorbed in material distractions that forgets thinking about what is life’s ultimate goal? This is virtually spiritual suicide. A tragedy.

For Maimonides the Mezuza protects us from such “tragedies”. Every time we enter or leave a room, every time we go through a door, or from one side to another, the presence of the Mezuza forces us to stop and observe or touch the Mezuza and remember our Creator. The Mezuza helps us to regain consciousness of the purpose of our life and to differentiate between what is urgent and what is really important.

Maimonides explicitly mentions this quality of the Mezuza. In Hilkhot Mezuza 6:13, he says. “A person must show great care in [the fulfillment of the Mitsva of] Mezuza. Each time a person enters or leaves [a room with a Mezuza], he will encounter the name of God [and remember Him]. And then, he will wake up from his sleep and realize his obsession with worldly concerns and recognize that there is nothing that lasts forever except the knowledge of the Creator of the world. This will motivate him to regain consciousness [of his purpose in life] and thus he will direct himself in the paths of righteousness. ”
Maimonides considers that the Mezuza (and the Tefilin and the Tsitsit) is an angel of protection. Protection from forgetting our true mission in life. “These [Mitsvot] are the angels that prevent a person from falling into sin, as it is written [Tehillim 34: 8]” “The angel of God is around those who fear Him, and protects them.”

SELIHOT and our awakenings

בֶּן אָדָם מַה לְּךָ נִרְדָּם

AWAKENING # 1.

Today is the second day of Elul. We are less than 40 days away from Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. The day consecrated to do Teshuba, to repent, asking forgiveness, confess our sins, and make the decision to be better. Yom Kippur is a very important day. And we can not arrive at that day unprepared. That’s why during the month of Elul we train ourselves in the mood of Teshuba and begin to be more aware of our actions, values thoughts.

Among Ashkenazi Jews, once Elul begins the Shofar is blown. Among Sephardic Jews once Elul begins (actually 2nd Elul, “today”!) we begin reciting the Selihot. Selihot is a daily prayer said before the morning Tefilla (Shaharit) which lasts about an hour. This means that from today until Yom Kippur, we will have to “wake up” an hour earlier than usual. One hour less of sleep, which will be dedicated to reciting this important Tefillot.

As we will see BH in the coming days, the center of Selihot is the Viduy or confession, and the recitation of the 13 attributes of Divine Forgiveness or 13 Middot. But there are also many piyutim, religious poems that inspire us to return to HaShem. The first and one of the best known of these poems is “BEN ADAM MA LEKHA NIRDAM” which I would like to present below.

בֶּן אָדָם מַה לְּךָ נִרְדָּם

“Son of man, why are you sleeping? Arise and pray [to God] with supplications!

This piyut begins with an invitation to wake up. “Awakening” in a double sense. On the one hand, being that Selihot is said early in the morning, this poem reinforces our commitment to sacrifice our sleep and go to Bet haKeneset an hour earlier than usual.

AWAKENING # 2.

A deeper meaning, and probably the original meaning of this expression, is the invitation to the awakening of our consciousness. Let me explain: Given the amount of material obligations we have, given the pace at which we live, and the huge variety of distractions at our disposal, it is quite possible that our consciences are “asleep.” How can we identify the lethargy of our consciousness? Spiritual lethargy is manifested by the absence of deep thoughts. If we are not thinking about God and what He expects of us; if we do not ask why we are here in this world; if we do not reflect on the direction in which our life is progressing; if we do not re-evaluate our values and priorities, then our consciences are asleep. The spiritual awakening consists in refreshing these questions. Moreover, being “awake” means that the search for these answers becomes the main objective of our existence.

This beautiful expression in Hebrew ma lekha nirdam “why are you sleeping?” is from the book of Yona (1: 6). The captain of the ship that is about to sink rebukes the prophet Yona (Jonas), who was asleep, away from all worries, ignoring the dangers around him. Yona was in a situation of “escaping”, in an almost suicidal mood. He was literally getting away from HaShem. In the Selihot, these words refer to our own existential escapism. A stage we set for ourselves (involuntarily) to avoid the commitment involved in formulating the deeper questions in life. We choose to “escape” from these questions, which would usually lead us to God, and we get ourselves involved in our work, our routine or our material distractions. The first call of the Selihot is the wake-up call to leave our denial and escapism.