THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT: Yihud, protecting conjugal fidelity

Yesterday we wrote about the seventh commandment: “You shall not commit adultery” and we explained how the Mitsva of Taharat haMishpaha helps to maintain and strengthen the attraction between husband and wife.

Today we will begin to see another aspect of the Jewish attitude towards sexuality. There are Jewish laws and codes of conduct that have as one of their fundamental objectives to safeguard marital fidelity. One of these important rules is called “Yihud”, or seclusion.

We read in the book of Shemuel II, chapter 13, about a young man named Amnon, son of King David. Amnon was obsessed with Tamar, also the daughter of David, but from a different mother. Amnon pretended to be ill, he locked himself in his room and asked his father David to ask Tamar to prepare for him something to eat. When Tamar arrived, Amnon demanded everyone to leave his room and asked Tamar to feed him. When Tamar arrived, Amnon, abused her. This affected King David, who felt partly responsible for not having avoided this tragedy. Together with his Court of Justice (דוד המלך ובית דינו) he established, or according to most opinions, “extended” this law of Yihud (גזרו על פנויה, let us clarify that the Jewish Courts of Justice have the right to establish new regulations, as any the Supreme Court in the modern world countries).

The law of Yihud states that a Jewish man should not be alone in a locked room with a woman other than his wife (or his mother, or daughter, etc.).

This rule belongs to the category of gedarim or siyaguim, that is, fences or Halakhic barriers, to prevent the risk of “falling” into a greater prohibition.

A “siyag” is what forest ranger establishes, erecting a fence a few steps before the cliff so that those who visit the forest do not get too close to the cliff, and by distraction or because of the attractiveness of the landscape, they come to close and fall.

There are many examples of this type of behavioral fences in modern society. A person who suffers from alcohol addiction and wants to be rehabilitated is advised not to frequent bars or parties where people drink or go out with friends who drink alcohol. All these additional restrictions and “fences” are necessary for those who want to recover from their addiction, to protect themselves from themselves, and from a temptation that can become irresistible. It is much easier to resist entering a bar than to resist drinking alcohol, once you have a drink in your hand.

The Rabbis of the Talmud expressed that the sexual instinct is so powerful that one should not rely only on his common sense and decency (אין אטוטרוסוס לעריות). But there must be additional norms, fences, in order to avoid facing a potentially destructive scenario. And while loyalty is fundamentally a matter of values and mores, if a man strictly respects the laws of Yihud, the possibility of committing adultery, especially without premeditation, would drastically diminish. Yihud’s law states that a man and a woman should avoid seclusion or remain alone in a room or office that is locked or inaccessible. However, the presence of other people in that scene, or even the fact that the room or office where they are, is accessible from the outside, significantly avoids or diminishes the possibility of any kind of temptation, harassment or sexual abuse.

The concept of Yihud is today, I believe, better known and more accepted than ever in the non-Jewish society as well.

At US airports, if someone passing security checks carries something unusual underneath his or her clothes, he will have to be escorted to a closed office, where he will be ordered to take off his clothes. And all that time, from the moment one enters until he leaves, he will be always accompanied not by one, but by “two” officers of his or her same gender. This simple rule reduces to the minimum the possibility that something inappropriate might happen. It is as if the concept of Yihud, far from out of fashion, is increasingly better understood and applied to avoid potentially improper situations.

I remember a few years ago I participated in a conference of rabbis organized by the Orthodox Union (OU), and in one of the lectures, a prestigious lawyer recommended to the rabbis that whenever we see a community member for counseling, etc. we should let the door of our office semi-open, or at least unlocked, as a general code of behavior. He told us that in the United States, there is a great awareness on this subject. And that many Jewish and non-Jewish professionals, doctors, dentists, psychologists have established similar rules in their offices, avoiding being alone with a patient or client in a closed room, to prevent potential inappropriate situations, cases or allegations of sexual abuse.

An American rabbi had an audience with the previous Pope, Benedict. It was at a time when the Boston Church had being sued for hundreds of allegations of sexual abuse, pedophilia, and so on. This rabbi suggested to the Pope that the church adopt the Jewish law of Yihud, and establish it as a Church’s policy: that no minister or priest can meet or be left alone with a student, a girl or a child, in a locked office. And that this simple rule would minimize the problems that had caused so much damage to hundreds or thousands of children.I do not know what happened in the end, and if the Pope followed or did not follow this advice, but I could appreciate, once again, the infinite wisdom of our Tora and our Sages that thousands of years ago established laws that today, the rest of the world, accepts, values and imitate.

(To be continued…)

THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT: How to Renew Passion in Your Marriage

תניא, היה רבי מאיר אומר מפני מה אמרה תורה נדה לשבעה? מפני שרגיל בה וקץ בה אמרה תורה תהא טמאה שבעה ימים כדי שתהא חביבה על בעלה כשעת כניסתה לחופה. נדה ל”א, ע”א

Yesterday, we began to explain the Seventh Commandment: “You shall not commit adultery.” The Tora teaches us that in order to reinforce fidelity, it is not enough to “keep this commandment in mind”. Our commitment to conjugal fidelity is strengthened by a particular attitude towards sexuality. First, knowing the nature of sexuality in marriage. Second, by having the appropriate behavior toward the people of the opposite sex. And thirdly, by exercising control over our thoughts and our eyes. B’H, we will talk about each of these three points in the next few days.

Let’s start from the beginning. The nature of sexuality in marriage.

One of the most important Mitsvot in the Jewish family is Taharat haMishpaha (or Nidda), which is usually translated by “family purity.” In Jewish marriage, intimate relationships are limited for about 12 days a month. The excluded days are related to the woman’s cycle and seven additional days. When the Sages of the Talmud explained the logic of this regulation, they said that after these days without physical contact, husband and wife are intimately reunited and they “feel the same [passion] as they felt on their wedding night.” In other words, this period of separation, far from affecting negatively sexual desire, renews and increases it. Avoiding falling into one of the greatest problems of modern marriage: sexual boredom.

This “boredom” has to do with the theoretically unlimited potentiality of sexual intimacy, and it is part of the “nature” of a marriage where sexuality is not regulated. The “sexual routine” syndrome is one of the factors that most influence the search for novelty, which can lead to adultery. By its very nature, the peak of sexual attraction occurs near marriage. But over the years (and I am NOT referring now to an age problem), physical attraction to one’s wife does not increase but almost inevitably diminishes. Sexual intimacy in marriage begins to become less intense, monotonous and too predictable. Passion progressively decreases. This phenomenon is very well known to psychologists and sexologists.

Close to 2000 years ago, Ribbí Meir explained that during the days of physical separation in a Jewish couple, the husband begins to “miss” his wife, and his physical attraction towards her grows more and more. As the day of the Mikve (the ritual immersion that concludes the days without sexual intimacy) approaches, his passion is renewed. And when his wife arrives from the Mikve, Ribbí Meir asserts that husband and wife, even years after their marriage, will be reunited with the same passion that they felt for each other on their wedding night. This cycle, which is repeated every month (except when the woman is pregnant) avoids the sexual routine and renews the sexula desire in marriage.

Let’s understand it better (from a man’s perspective). Imagine a young Jewish husband who is in his room alone with his wife whom he loves and to whom he is attracted. And without nothing more than this abstract Mitsva of Taharat haMishapaha (a delicate “Hedge of roses”, as rabbi Norman Lamm calls it) the young couple is able to say to themselves “Not now”. Would the husband’s desire for his own wife diminish or increase? His wife, as Ribbí Meir explains, becomes now the exclusive “object” of his desire, since what it is forbidden is more attractive. During those days of separation from the woman he loves, the husband can not even think of another woman, other than his own wife. Moreover, in these circumstances and during these days the young Jewish man goes through an excellent training in his ability to control his sexuality. Which is critical not to fall into a fatal attraction that might lead to adultery.

Lastly, this period of physical separation also promotes a very profound level of communication between husband and wife. In those days without sexual activity, and from the beginning of their marriage, the couple learns to communicate with affection but on a plane that we could well call “platonic.” In Judaism, the highest level a couple should aspire to is the level of “friendship” (re’ut), which will strengthen their marriage for the rest of their lives. Even in those years when hormonal passion declines (in modern society, more and more couples get divorced after 50 . According to the Huffington Post, in 2010 in the US, 1 in 4 couples who divorced belonged to this Group, see ). Contrary to biological sexual desire, friendship between husband and wife, supposed to grow over the years, and it is the greatest guarantee of fidelity and solidity in a marriage. This deep level of closeness in which your wife is also your best friend develops and grows in those days without sexual intimacy.

(To be continued)

THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT: You shall not commit adultery

לא תנאף

Two months ago, before the start of the month of Elul, we began to study the Ten Commandments (see this ), and we got to the Sixth: “You shall not murder”. Today we will continue with the seventh commandment: “You shall not commit adultery”, i.e., the prohibition of having intimate relations with any other person other than your spouse.

There is much to talk about this commandment, so B’H we will spend more than one email on it.

Let us clarify first that the Jewish view of sexuality, unlike other religions, is extremely positive. Our Sages explained that our behavior, in general, should lead us to be like God. He is compassionate, fair and generous, so we must also be compassionate, fair, generous, etc. This “imitation of God” reaches its maximum level when husband and wife become “creators” of a new life. Procreation allows us, more than any other act, to resemble HaShem.

In addition, sexuality has to do with reaching our physical and emotional fulfillment as individuals. When the Tora describes sexuality for the first time it says: “And man … will unite with his wife (this is a euphemism for sexual intimacy) and become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).” Hence a man or a woman are seen in Judaism as half a human being (Pelag Gufa). An individual reaches his or her fullness only when marrying. And in the sexual act, this fullness reaches its peak.

It is also very interesting to note that the first time the Tora describes the sexual act it says, “And Adam KNEW Eve his wife” (Gen. 4: 1). This word “knew” associated with sex, does not function here as a euphemism. It might be said that for Judaism the most important sexual organ is the brain. “Knowing” the other person, sharing the same ideals, values, objectives it is a sine qua non prerequisite for sexual intimacy. That is, there must be a common mental and spiritual goal shared between man and woman, and a mutual and formal commitment of both parties to create and maintain a family. This, of course, is marriage.

Because of its importance and its creative powers sexuality needs to be regulated. This Shabbat we read in the Tora the portion of Noah and the flood. Sexual violence and sexual abuse were the first symptoms of the moral degradation of the generation of the flood. For those individuals, sex was no longer an act that brings humans closer to the Divine. And it no longer had to do with love or the sacred. For that generation sexuality consisted in the unscrupulous search for satisfying a hormonal instinct, like animals.

Sexuality is a sacred act, but it is also vulnerable and corruptible. Here is a simple illustration to better understand this concept. Wine is a very important element in Jewish liturgy. We used wine to perform the Qiddush (sanctifying the Shabbat), the ceremony of marriage (sanctifying our commitment to our spouse) in a Berit Mila, in the Pesah Seder, etc. In all these occasions wine is associated with holiness or sanctification, joy, and celebration. But when we abuse wine, or when alcohol is overused in other frameworks, the association of wine with holiness (qedusha) disappears. And alcohol can lead to profanity, and immorality and destruction. We read this Shabbat how alcohol excess led Noah to lose his scruples, his conscience, and his decency.

The same happens with sexuality (multiplied by 100!). Sexuality has its proper context: marriage. Within marriage, sexuality is an act of holiness, which allows us to imitate the Creator, and brings us closer than any other act to the person we love the most.

But in the case of adultery, outside of marriage, sex is destructive (in the modern world, in most cases of divorce, infidelity plays a vital role and usually represents the last red line that has been crossed). Cheating makes us lose our conscience, our decency, and our family. It drives us away, more than any other act, from HaShem and from the ones we love the most.

(To be continued)

Rabbi Hayim Benveniste (1603-1674) and the false Messiah Shabbetai Zevi

In the picture above you can see Balat, the old Jewish quarter

Rabbi Hayim Benveniste was born in Istanbul, Turkey in 1603. At the time the city was called Constantinople and had a very large and thriving Jewish population, formed primarily by Jewish refugees who were expelled from Spain in 1492. While the poor Sephardic Jews were rejected from everywhere else in the world, or forced to convert to Christianity or Islam in order to be accepted, the Turkish Sultan Bayezid II (1481-1512 ) formally invited the expelled Jews from Spain to come to Turkey. And he issued a law forbidding persecution or discrimination against Jews throughout the Ottoman Empire. Jews settled in two major cities: Constantinople and Salonika (=Thessaloniki, which became the only city in the world in the 16th century with a majority Jewish population). Over time more and more Yehudim arrived in Turkey, not only in Spain Portugal and Spain but also from Poland, Germany, and France.

Rabbi Hayim Benveniste came from a prestigious family of Rabbis who came from Spain. In his youth, he studied with the great luminaries of Turkey, including Rabbi Yosef Miterani. At the age of 21, Rabbi Benveniste was chosen as one of the two chief rabbis of Smyrna, together with the famous Rabbi Aharon Lapapa.

In 1665 the false Messiah Shabetay Zevi came to Turkey. He enjoyed enormous popularity in virtually every Jewish community in the world, Sephardic and Ashkenazi. The suffering of the Yehudim was so intense that people blindly clung to what they perceived as a ray of hope. Shabetay Zevi was very charismatic, and he was also supported by many Rabbis. Rabbi Hayim Benveniste and his colleague Rabbi Aharon Lapapa were the main opponents to Shabetay Zevi in Turkey. In Shabbat, December 12, 1665, Shabetay Zevi burst into the main Synagogue of Smyrna, confronted Rabbi Benveniste and caused a huge uproar in the community. Many Rabbis, and most people were captivated by his charisma (and surely pressured by their great despair) and Shabetay Zevi became virtually the highest authority of the Jewish community in Turkey. Rabbi Benveniste was overwhelmed by this situation. Rabbi Aharon Lapapa, which continued vigorously opposing Shabetay Zevi, was expelled from the community (sic.).

Most other Rabbanim supported Shabetay Zevi. This weird situation lasted for nine months. Shabetay Zevi went to meet the Vizier and was threatened by him to convert to Islam or be executed. (It is believed that the Sultan Mehmed IV told him: “If you are so powerful and can do miracles as you say, I will ask my soldiers to shoot 10 arrows at you. If you’re still alive, I myself will become one of your followers”. Shabetay Zevi did not accept the challenge and chose conversion to Islam). When he converted, though some of his followers said it was only a temporary strategy of the Mashiah, Rabbi Benveniste and others realized the great deception. This whole story was very painful and very harmful, not only for the Turkish Jewish community, which was the epicenter of this movement but also for almost all Jewish communities around the world for years.

BOOKS: Rabbi Benveniste wrote many very famous books. Among them: “Keneset Hagedola“, a book of four volumes about the Tur Bet Yosef and Shulhan Arukh. This book is so important that the famous rabbi HIDA (Rabbi Hayyim Yosef David Azulay, 1724-1806) said that a rabbi can not issue a verdict (pesaq) without consulting the Keneset Hagedolah. “הרב הנזכר מאיר עיני גולה הוא בספרי כנסת הגדולה אשר נדפסו בשמונה חלקים, ובלעדו לא ירים איש מורה הוראה הבקי בדרכי הוראה והוא מיראי הוראה את ידו בשום הוראה עד שילך מהרה לבית הכנסת ויראה מה בפיו ומה ירמזון עיני חכמתו, ואחר צאתו מבית הכנסת בנחת רוח יערה יורה יורה “.

He also wrote BA’E HAYE, a book of rabbinic Responsa, that is, questions and answers about many cases that occurred in the community and required a rabbinical expert opinion. This book also serves as a great historical document to study the details of the Jewish life in 17th century Turkey.

MASHIB HARUAH: What would happen if it stopped raining?

In today’s modern world, when most of us live in urban areas and not in farms, it is difficult to appreciate the importance of rain. For us, rain is more an annoyance than a blessing.

Today, I want to share with you some facts about water and rain, which hopefully will help to understand why we praise our Creator for the miracle of rain when we say the beautiful Tefila mashib haruah umorid hageshem (=You are the one Who makes the wind blow, and the rain to fall)

What makes our planet unique in the universe? You might say “life”. And that is true. But there is something else that enables life, and which according to our Tora, was created before life. Something that scientists look for when they search elsewhere in the universe to find life. You would probably say “water”. And you will be partially right. To be more precise you need to say: “liquid water”. Why? Because water (H2O), or the signs of it, was found on other planets, but always in the form of ice. Our planet is blessed to be the only little place in the entire universe which possesses “liquid water”, thanks to the Intelligent Design of the earth’s mass, the sun’s mass, and particularly the fine-tuned distance between our planet and the sun.

But this is not the end of the story of water. Normal salt water, i.e., ocean’s water, is not suitable for living organisms that live on dry land. All land creatures, including humans, need water-without-salt to survive. That precious liquid is called “freshwater”. Freshwater allows life to exist on our planet. And the only source of freshwater in the entire universe is “precipitation”. (Precipitation includes: snow, mist, hail and mainly “rain”, and it is normally used as a synonym of “rain”).

According to Maimonides (More Nebukhim 2:30) and many other Hakahamim (like Rabbi Moshe Hefets, melekhet mahashebet pp. 49-50, see here) the mechanism of rain was established on the second day of Creation. When HaShem separated the upper waters (clouds, rain) from the lower water (oceans). John Lynch, the author of the BBC Book “The weather” (p.84) describe with his own words the clouds as upper waters: “We live on a water planet. The seas dominate the world, but there is also an ocean around us and an ocean above us.” The Second Day was dedicated entirely to describe the miraculous mechanism of converting ocean water into the most precious liquid in the entire universe: rain.

Now, let’s see some numbers to appreciate a little more the miracle of rain. Freshwater is water with low concentrations of dissolved salts. Out of all the water on Earth, only 2.75% of it is freshwater. From it, 2.05% is water that is frozen in glaciers. 0.68% is groundwater. And just 0.0101% of it, is surface fresh water gathered in lakes and rivers. This 0.0101% is what all creatures that live on dry land, including us, drink for our survival! The Second Day was dedicated entirely to establish the conversion process of primeval ocean water into the most precious liquid in the entire universe: rain.

This is why our Rabbis considered rain one of God’s most important blessings to mankind. In the second blessing of the ‘amida, when we say mashib haruah umorid hageshem we praise God for His Might (geburot), pointing out His kindness and power to produce rain, which supports and maintains life.

The sole source of freshwater in the entire universe is rain from the earth’s atmosphere. In the words of L. O’Hanlon (Discovery Channel):

“Imagine an entire planet where the universe’s finest liqueur is boiled out of fermenting seas by a brilliant yellow star, distilled in the skies and rained back down on the land, forming lakes and rivers of the inebriating brew. The planet, of course, is Earth, and the liqueur is freshwater.”

Adapted from AWESOME CREATION by Rabbi Yosef Bitton. Get the book HERE

ABRAHAM ABINU and HALLOWEEN

Halloween has unmistakable pagan origins, deeply rooted in ancient idol-worshiping practices. And although today its celebration might not be oriented toward idol-worshiping, Halloween still has many elements, too many, related to idolatry.

As we all know, idolatry or ‘aboda zara is the most serious offense in Judaism. In the Tora we are commanded to keep away from all forms of idol-worshipping. Idolatry consists of numberless rituals, superstitions, magic and mythical beliefs. “Death” was always considered the scariest mystery, which triggered extreme anxiety and agitation. Dead people, their invisible spirits, were often an object of fear, reverence, and especially cult. Halloween is no exception. “All-hallow-even” celebrates the “day of all (dead) saints”.

The ancient Celts celebrated Halloween at the end of the summer when they believed the evil spirits and souls of the dead visited the world of the living. The idol-worshipers considered the dead more or less as Hollywood considers today the “zombies”: bad and dangerous. Dead people came back to this world angry, revengeful and with the desire to recruit newcomers. Pumpkins, which resembled the unpleasant faces of the dead, were carved to welcome and appease them. Large fires would be lit to assist the dead finding their way into the world of the living. Food, particularly sweets, would be left outside the doors to feed the ghosts. All this favors to the dead were done because people believed that those who assisted the dead spirits, would be left undisturbed (“If I appease them, then they will not take me with them”).

Cats were especially important in Halloween because people believe cats could smell and warn of the presence of the invisible spirits. A black cat, however, was avoided (or killed) because witches or evil spirits reincarnated into black cats.

The devil himself would come the night of Halloween from the inferno. The Druids, the Celtic priests, wore masks to make dead people think they were one of them. These priests would knock randomly on the doors to request human sacrifices for the devil or the revengeful ghosts. If you don’t want to become a human sacrifice, at least, appease them with candies.

As you can see from this brief description, Halloween might look fun or even innocent, but it is deeply rooted in primitive idolatry and the pagan cult of death. In one way or another, most (or all) elements that were part of the ancient pagan Halloween celebration are still present in today’s Halloween. Therefore, we Jews should avoid participating in any way, active or passive, in Halloween.

As a side note, and thinking as an educator, Halloween might provide an excellent opportunity to educate our kids. How so? Idolatry was the norm in ancient days. We Jews fought against it since the day our father Abraham broke his father’s idols. But many times I find it so difficult to describe to my children the environment of idol worshiping, the real dimension of ‘aboda zara, its appeal to superstitious minds, the numberless fantasies and delusions around it, and how courageous was our father Abraham Abinu when he became the first iconoclast. It is difficult to appreciate Abraham did because primitive ‘aboda zara is almost gone… Halloween is an opportunity to help our children to visually identify the superstitions of ‘aboda zara, and the importance of staying away from it.Observing Halloween “from the balcony” will surely make us proud and privileged to be the children of Abraham Abinu.

KAPPAROT: To do or not to do kapparot with chicken?

In many communities, there is a Minhag of doing Kapparot in the eve of Yom Kippur, what is the best way to do the Kapparot, with chicken or with money for charity?

First of all, we need to clarify that there is no Mitsva in the Tora to perform the Kapparot, or any kind of animal sacriﬁce, in the eve of Yom Kippur. In our days, as Maimonides explains “en sham el-la teshuba”, there is nothing else but Teshuba to atone for our sins. Teshuba is a serious mental and emotional process of retrospection, which consists in the admission and confession of our flaws and bad habits, which ultimately should lead us to improving our behavior .

Kapparot is a practice which was initiated by the common people -not by the rabbis- at the time of the Geonim (year 800-1000 CE). The Kappara made with a live animal suppose to help inspiring our Teshuba. By seeing the Shehita (slaughtering) of the chicken, we realize the extreme fragility of our lives. We then realize the appropriateness of doing Teshuba, reflecting on our own mortality. This is, by the way, the frequent explanation for the effect that the qorban, in the times of the Bet haMiqdash, had in the sinner’s consciousness.

However, soon after the custom of Kapparot became more popular some prominent Rabbis like Ramban (Nahmanides) raised their voices against this practice. Maran Rabbi Yosef Caro (1488-1575) the author of the Shulhan Arukh, the supreme Code of Law for all Jews, disapproved the practice of Kapparot with chicken in the eve of Yom Kippur, explicitly and with very harsh terms. Moreover, in the first edition of the shulhan ‘arukh (Venice 1565) it is written in the title of siman 605, where Rabbi Yosef Caro discuses Kapparot מנהג כפרות בערב יום כפור מנהג של שטות הוא. “The custom of Kapparot in the eve of Yom Kippur is a foolish custom”. In later editions the editors erased the last line. (see the original edition of the Shulhan ‘arukh here)

Why such opposition to the Kapparot?

First, as Nahmanides said: mishum darke haemori “because it is similar to the practice of idol worshipers” . (Even today, many cults like Macomb, Vodoo, etc. use a small chicken as a sacrifice to their deities. You can Google for example “Eshu” or “Elleggua” major idol-warriors of Santeria which must be worship by sacrificing to them a small chicken).

Second, the fact that the Kappara performance looks like the Korbanot performance, made many rabbis very concerned: because slaughtering an animal as a sacrifice outside the Bet haMiqdash (haqrabat hutz) is a serious Biblical transgression . For this reason many rabbis in the past forbade the consumption of the chicken that was slaughter in the fashion (or intention) of a qorban (The Rishba, while still opposed to the Kapparot with chicken, allowed to eat that chicken, which was usually given to the poor, because it is not one of the animals who were offered as a sacrifice in the Bet haMiqdash).

Third, since so many people want to do Kapparot on the eve of Yom Kippur, the Shehita might not be done with enough care and attention in terms of the checking of the the knives and other ritual details. This is the point brought by Rabbi Obadia Yosef z”l (who in the past supported the Kapparot) to favor the performance of Kapparot with Tsedaqa (see this).

There is yet another problem, which should be of a great concern when thinking about doing chicken Kapparot. Because of the great demand and the short time to slaughter so many animals, the chicken are too often mistreated in the process, left for days in cages without food or water. This is a serious transgression of an explicit Biblical prohibitions instructing us to treat animals with respect and avoid unnecessary suffering (tsa’ar ba’ale hayim). The new Ashkenazi Chief rabbi of Israel, Rabbi David Lau addressed this issue last year (see here ).

Lastly, if the person who does the Kappara would give directly the slaughtered chicken to a poor person, as it used to be done in the past, then we could view this Kappara as a form of Tsedaqa. But people who do the Kapparot would very often take seriously the idea of transference of his sins into the chicken and therefore not they, not even needy people would be eating those chicken “full of sins”. Many of these chicken are not eaten but just wasted. And if one kills an animal unnecessarily (not to be eaten) one is transgressing another explicit Biblical prohibitions bal tashchit, i.e., unnecessary waste of the blessings, in this case an animal life, that God granted us.

In conclusion, the best way of doing Kapparot is by giving Tsedaqa (=charity for needy people). In this case, none of the above mentioned problems would apply, and in addition before Yom Kippur begins, you will be fulfilling the beautiful Biblical commandment of charity. Which is a Mitsva with no negative side effects. On the contrary, Tsedaqa was regarded as the most imortnat Mitvar ‘ase, as Maimonides writes: “We have to care about the Mitsva of Tsedaqa more than [we care about] any other positive commandment” (MT, Matanot ‘aniyim 10:1). Tsedaqa brings a great zekhut (merit) to the giver, and a great relief to the recipient וצדקה תציל ממות

See this video where rabbi Shelomo Aviner, Rosh Yeshibat Ateret Cohanim explains the ways of doing kapparot and mentions, among other things, that rabbi Kaddouri z”l and Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach z”l made kapparot with Tsedaqa instead of chicken.

How to pray on Rosh haShana?

By Rabbanit Coty Bittón

We are very close to Rosh HaShana. The day on which we will be judged. Then come the aseret yeme Teshuba, the days of repentance, which conclude on Yom Kippur. During this period, our Teshuba must be accompanied by Tefila, prayers, to ask HaShem for His forgiveness and giving us the opportunity to continue in His book of life.

I would like to share with you some thoughts about Tefila. As a Jewish woman, I’m always proud of our matriarchs. One of them was Hannah, the mother of the prophet Shmuel. In the Haftarah of Rosh HaShana we read the story of Hannah and her Tefila.

Hannah was not able to have children. The same problem that affected virtually all our matriarchs. Our rabbis said that “HaShem wants the Tefila of righteous people”, and that’s why sometimes good people face some very difficult challenges. Hannah is a typical case. Her situation forced her to be creative. And she composed one of the most beautiful and eloquent Tefilot. Let’s see.

Hannah was desperate. Elqana, her husband loved her, but she could not have children. It was very painful for her every time she saw Peninnah, Elqana’s other wife, who did not hide how busy she was taking care of her seven children. In Shiloh, where Elqana and his family visited the Mishkan during Holidays, Hannah prayed to HaShem very eloquently, pouring her heart out to HaShem, asking the Almighty to grant her a son. From this Tefila our Sages learned many technical details that apply to the Amidah (reciting the Tefila standing, moving our lips without raising our voice, the prohibition of drinking alcohol before praying, etc.).

But the main lesson is what we learn from Hannah’s eloquence.

When praying, Hannah did not simply “ask” HaShem for a child. Hannah “presented” her case before HaShem with smart, solid and creative arguments.

1. Hannah first formulated a new way to address HaShem, referring to the Almighty as: “God of the armies (or hosts)”. Our Hakhhamim explained that in this case “armies” refers to the armies of heaven: stars, and galaxies. Like a human army, they move in a precise and harmonious way, obeying the orders of the commander in chief, HaShem. Hannah told HaShem: “You, God of hosts, who have created billions of stars and billions of giant celestial bodies, can’t you grant me just one little baby?”

2. Hannah also told HaShem: “I am a woman. I have been given breasts and reproductive organs. But what good is my female body for if I can not conceive and nurse a child?”

3. According to the Midrash, Hannah also argued: “I fulfilled the three commandments of women (the name Hannah in Hebrew is an acrostic which includes these three mitzvot: Hallah, a piece of the bread dough given to the Kohen; Nidda, family purity; and Hadlaqat Haner, lighting candles before Shabbat). Therefore, don’t I deserve to be granted a son? “

From Hannah we learn that when we pray and ask HaShem for our needs, we need to be persistent and use, very respectfully, all the arguments we can to show that we deserve a positive response to our request, as Hannah did.

Finally, we also learn an extremely important lesson from Hannah’s story. As we know, at the end HaShem gave her a child. And then Hannah prayed again. This time with more devotion, and much more eloquently.Because now Hannah prayed to thank HaShem. We also learn from Hannah that in the same way we pray to HaShem with all our heart to beg Him for everything we need and want, we should not forget to pray to HaShem thanking Him for everything He gave and gives us. And that we need to convey our gratitude to HaShem, very especially, when our prayers are answered.

These High Holy Days, let us take Hannah as the model for our Tefila. Let us pour our hearts out to HaShem, asking Him to inscribe us in the book of life. And let’s not forget to thank HIM for everything we have received and we receive from Him.

NEW!!!

Click here to download the HOTD Newsletter “Rosh HaShana 5777”, ready to print. You will find 5 articles: on the Shofar and on the profound messages of Rosh HaShana

ROSH HASHANA: Three questions and answers

Rosh HaShana, is a festive and joyful day, or a solemn and serious day?

To understand the double aspect of Rosh HaShana, let me share with you a question that was asked to rab Obadia Yosef z “l. A Hazan (cantor of the synagogue) should recite the prayers of Rosh HaShana with a cheerful melody or with a sad and solemn tone?

On the one hand, Rosh HaShana is a Yom Tob, a festive and joyful day in which we wish each other to have a good and sweet year. This is why during the two nights of Rosh HaShana we have a pre-meal Seder with blessings and celebration for a better new year.

On the other hand, we know that Rosh HaShana is the “day of judgment”, which begins the “Divine trial” which will determine whether we will deserve to be alive. On Rosh HaShana we recover the awareness of our fragility and our mortality. We realize that the continuation of our life is not guaranteed. That our existence is a delicate privilege, a gift from God, which can be reclaimed by Him at any time. From this point of view, Rosh HaShana is a very serious day. A ‘Yom hadin’, the day of judging whether we deserve or not deserve one more year of life …

I think that now we can better understand the question if Rosh HaShana is a joyous or a solemn day. Rabbi Obadia Yosef replied that Rosh HaShana melodies should be happy. Because although we are judged, we are aware that our Judge is also our Father, who loves us and when we recognize our mistakes is willing to forgive us and give us another chance. Hence the optimism and the celebration.

What happens if a woman has to go to the Mikve the night of Rosh HaShanah or Yom Kippur?

There are some nights in the Hebrew calendar during which marital relations are suspended.

There are two categories:

1. Yom Kippur and Tisha B’Av. During these two nights, conjugal relations are strictly forbidden by Halakha. Therefore, if the Mikve night falls on one of two nights, the Mikve must be postponed until the following night.

2. During the two nights of Shabu’ot, both nights of Rosh HaShana and the night of Hoshana Rabbah conjugal relations are also prohibited. However, this limitation is not Halakhic (= from the Talmud) but it is rather a tradition (Minhag). Therefore, if the Mikve falls during one of these 5 nights, a woman goes normally to the Mikve and this limitation is suspended. The rabbis, however, recommended proceeding with more circumspection than usual during the night of Rosh HaShana.

Do women have the same obligation as men in relation to the Mitsva of Shofar?

Men are required to listen the Shofar, following the biblical commandment “yom teru’a yihie lakhem”. And although women are formally exempt from the Mitsva of Shofar, since it is a commandment which is only fulfilled at a specific time, in practical terms, women listen to the Shofar like men. Why? Keep in mind that in addition to the formal compliance with this important command, the sound of the Shofar “awakens us from our spiritual slumber,” calling us to repent and to improve our actions. And this is a message that both men and women,need to assimilate these days of Teshuba. Therefore, it is very commendable for women to attend synagogue, hear the shofar and be inspired by its sound. The only practical difference between men and women regarding the Shofar relates to the recitation of Berakha in the case of a person who can not attend synagogue on Rosh HaShana. Let’s see. In the Synagogue the Toke’a (= the person who blows the Shofar) recites the Berakha ASHER QIDDESHANU BEMITSVOTAV VETSIVANU LISHMOA’ QOL SHOFAR for the whole congregation. And all who hear this Berakha and say AMEN, men or women, are included in this blessing. However, if a woman is not able to attend the Synagogue, when the Ba’al Toke’a blows the Shofar she should not recite the Berachah. While in the case of a man who hears the Shofar out of the synagogue, he does recite the Berakha (among Ashkenazi Jews, women also recite the Berakha in these circumstances).

HILKHOT TESHUBA 2:10. Why should we forgive? (part 7)

Mishne Tora , Hilkhot Teshuba: Chapter 2, Halakha 10.

“It is forbidden for a person to be cruel and refuse to forgive … when someone approaches him asking forgiveness, he must forgive him with all his heart and with a positive spirit … without seeking revenge or hold a grudge … this it is the attitude of the descendants of Israel [zera ‘Israel] “

The days of Elul are days of Teshuba. I have to apologize to HaShem for any transgression that I could have done against His Tora, voluntarily or involuntarily.

I must also apologize to my colleagues, friends and family for any offenses or damage I could have caused.

And I have to be willing to forgive.

True “forgiveness” includes the ability to forget. I must remember the lessons I’ve learned from all my negative experiences, which will help me to grow emotionally. But I must do everything possible to erase the desire for revenge, resentment, and feelings of hatred that might be nesting inside me, and which I’m not realizing.

Forgiving does not mean that I justify the bad or terrible things that another person did to me or told me. It does not mean that I have to suppress all my feelings or thoughts about the bitter experience. What it does mean is that when I forgive, I take emotional distance from what happened and rescue the positive elements I’ve learned.

I must realize that when I do not forgive, I’m causing great harm to myself. If I do not remove from my mind the feelings of animosity toward the offender, I’m allowing that person –his image and the negative memories associated with him– to hijack my feelings, my thoughts and my heart (in some cases: my entire life!). When I do not forgive, in some cases and without realizing it, I’m perpetuating myself in the role of a victim, and I do not allow myself to move on. Or worse, unconsciously I might turn my resentment into anger, and thus I would become and irritable person. Everything and everyone makes me angry and makes me lose my patience…

It is true that forgiveness is good for the one who offended me because I am generously offering him or her the opportunity for reconciliation. But surely, who benefits most from forgiveness is ME, the victim, the one who was offended. By forgiving, I get rid of my self-destructive feelings; I begin to heal mentally, and I regain control of my emotional stability.

Forgiving is a very complex psychological act, and sometimes it is emotionally arduous. But in these days of Teshuba, when I’m asking HaShem to grant me His forgiveness, I must be willing to forgive those who have offended me.

I cannot expect be forgiven by God if I’m not able to forgive others

(Clarification: in this Halakha I’m referring to forgiving minor offenses, in particular, social grievances. That is, when a friend, a family member or a neighbor, said something negative about me or did something that hurt me or offended me, etc. I’m referring to crimes, acts of terrorism, etc.)