By Rabbanit Coty Bitton

On Friday nights, when we are privileged to have our grandson Michael with us, our family looks forward to watching him play one of his favorite games. After my husband finishes reciting Kiddush, Michael runs around the table, stops by each person, taps their head with his tiny hands, and mumbles a few words.

This is one of the sweetest moments of our Shabbat, watching Michael imitating us – his parents and grandparents – by reciting the blessing of Birkat Kohanim, the Priestly blessing.

And while the sweetness of this moment always warms my heart, lately, I have thought that parents can learn a profound and critical message from the beautiful Shabbat ritual in which we bless our children.

Let me explain. One of the most challenging aspects of 21st-century parenting is finding the balance between expressing our love to our children and establishing a relationship with them in which they respect us as authorities deserving of obedience. Part of our struggle is that our culture emphasizes the value of a loving (“friendly”) relationship between parents and children and does not idealize the importance of discipline and obedience from children to parents.

This leads to a reality in which, as parents, we try to act in a way that appeals to our children – trying to convince them that our way is correct. This often contrasts with our desire to convey to our children that we are the authority in our families and that they need to listen to and obey us, whether they like it or not. Deep inside, we know that we do not need to explain the reasoning behind our decisions or requests, as our children do not always have the maturity to understand or agree with our choices.

Consider the healthy development of children: a two-year-old toddler, for example, must accept that her dinner cannot be lollipops and candies because “dad says so,” no other reasons needed; an adolescent fourteen-year-old will have to respect the “unfair” curfew that his parents decided on. We know that it is for the benefit of our children to have parents and adults in their lives that will protect them from making bad decisions. It is precisely here – in the attempt to have our children feel both love and respect for their parents – that Jewish tradition can be especially precious for our modern times.

Our rituals and Mitzvoth all direct us towards a style of parenting that conveys this delicate balance of parenting. Every time we say the Shema with our children, we verbalize our obligation to see our children as our students. The words “Veshinantam lebanecha vedibarta bam” literally mean, “You shall teach them [that is, the words of Torah] thoroughly to your children, and you shall speak of them”.

By assigning parents the role of educators, Jewish tradition demands that parents see themselves as role models worthy of their children’s respect; our children should see us as authorities from whom they can and must learn proper values and behavior. Education requires chemistry and mutual understanding between teacher and student, but it also requires a certain distance. To be able to teach our children, we need them to have respect for us.

We should work hard to parent in a way that conveys love and warmth, but not without teaching our children that our relationship with them is not horizontal. The benefits of raising obedient children are lifelong and affect the entire family.

As psychologist John Rosemond writes, “Obedient children are happy children, and the parents of obedient children are happy parents.” According to Rosemond the most critical thing needed to raise obedient children is not some expert knowledge of parenting methods. Instead, the success of developing a vertical (and a the same time loving!) relationship between parents and children derives from parents having a confident attitude that they should encourage their children to obey them.

This brings us back to Birkat Kohanim – the blessing parents give their children on Shabbat. This tradition is not only gorgeous and heartwarming for our children, but it is also compelling for the parents’ state of mind. Consider how this ritual is enacted: a parent places his hands on his child’s head and pronounces the blessings that the Kohanim were commanded to convey to the people of Israel. When parents bless their children, they reaffirm their unlimited and unconditional love for their children. But they are also reminding themselves – and their children – that the child is a recipient of her parent’s blessing. It is as if through this blessing, the mother is saying: “I can give you this blessing because I have more experience than you. My life experiences have given me more wisdom and knowledge. And I am commanded by HaShem to teach and educate you in the ways of the Torah”.

This one blessing we give our children on Shabbat conveys a beautiful formulation of how we should approach our most important role, parenting our children. My grandson Michael, who is only two years old, does not yet understand the real meaning of getting a blessing from his parents and grandparents. For now, he is enjoying the special attention he gets from his game! But as he grows older, I hope that this beautiful moment on Shabbatot – when his parents and grandparents hold him while repeating the Biblical words of blessings – will make him feel supremely loved and help him see us as his role models.

והארץ היתה תוהו ובוהו וחושך על פני תהום

And earth was lifeless, with darkness over the surface of the ocean

DARKNESS

After explaining that at the time of its creation planet earth did not possess any kind of life, the text goes on to describe Earth’s atmosphere. Our current atmosphere is clear and bright, composed of 78% nitrogen and 21% oxygen. But the primitive atmosphere with which planet earth was created was different. The Torah describes it with one word “hoshekh” ”, which is usually translated by “darkness”.

The vast majority of classical biblical commentators agree that here “darkness” does not mean “absence of light”, since as in the story of Plato’s cave, one can only speak of the absence of light once light is created. Nahmanides (Ramban) and Eben Ezra proposed that here darkness should be understood as something tangible. Nahmanides compares it with the ninth plague of Egypt, a kind of gas that prevents any kind of light. For Eben Ezra, “that tangible darkness is like a “fog”, toxic and with less oxygen.

Based on these and other opinions we could assert that for the Tora early Earth’s atmosphere was like the present day atmosphere of Venus: formed of three thick layers of dark clouds, are composed of sulfuric acid and carbon dioxide, which do not allow sunlight to reach the surface.

This indication about the primitive Earth’s atmosphere may redefine the previous words tohu vabohu “uninhabited”, a little better. The Tora asserted that there was no life on Earth, and now is saying that the conditions for life are not yet there. In other words, Earth is not only “uninhabited” but at this initial point, because of hoshekh it is also “uninhabitable”.

ABYSS

Almost all biblical translations render the word tehom as “abyss”. And this could be a second example of non-Jewish influences in biblical translations. The word “abyss” is related to the Mesopotamia’s pagan mythology. For example, in the Sumerians creation myths, Enuma Elish, when the gods / monsters fight against each other to death (seeking power or revenge) the defeated or dead god “falls into the abyss”, a legendary bottomless pit from which one cannot return. Also in the Christian tradition the abyss is a place where evil spirits meet, and where Satan eventually will be thrown after defeat.

But in Hebrew the word abyss in this sense does NOT exist (not to be confused with sheol which means “underground grave”). In biblical Hebrew the word tehom is a “geological” term, associated with different sources of water. It can mean the sea, its depths or usually the natural reserves of fresh groundwater. Rashi explains that in our verse the word tehom means the ocean. But we must clarify what the Sages said about the primitive ocean: At the time of its creation Earth surface was covered by “water.” Continental dry-land emerged on the Third Day of creation (every morning, when we set foot on the floor we say a berakha that alludes to this phenomenon: רוקע הארץ על המים). Radaq (see quote below) explained that in its initial phase because planet earth was completely covered with water life could not exist — tohu vabohu— . God did not create our planet with life, but He created it with water. Lots of water.

SCIENCE AND TORA

Once we translate the Hebrew words according to their original meaning we can see some incredible coincidences between what this verse describes in 2 or 3 words and what modern science speculates that occurred at the beginning of our planet.

According to modern science

√ The primitive atmosphere did not allow life. It was dark, lacked free oxygen, and contained ammonia, methane and carbon dioxide.

√ In the beginning early Earth was covered by a huge ocean called Panthalassa. The continents as we know them today, emerged at a later stage.

√ And water? The Tora explains clearly that water was part of the initial inventory of our planet. Modern science, speculations aside, at present time has no demonstrable or convincing explanation of how our planet has so much water….

רד“ק בראשית 1:2

והארץ בתחילת בריאתה לא היתה בשלימותה, כי היתה תהו ובהו – כלומר: ריקה מכל בריאה שלא היתה לא בה ולא עליה, כי היתה כולה מכוסה במים

We are in a period of time called “The ten days of Teshuba,” the days between Rosh haShana and Yom Kippur, which includes Shabbat Shuba tonight and tomorrow. In preparation for Yom Kippur, in our prayers we ask HaShem again and again to inscribe us in the book of life.

These days we also make a radical change in the Amida text, the main prayer: instead of saying HaE-l haQadosh, “The Holy God” we say HaMelekh haQadosh, “The Holy King.”

These additions and changes help us achieve the right mental state for Yom Kippur.

What does HaMelekh Qadosh mean?

MELEKH: When we say “Melekh,” we shouldn’t be thinking of a king in a fairy tale. We have to think rather of a judge. In a monarchy, the King also acts as the Supreme Judge, the highest authority. The King issues the final verdict on the life or death of his subjects. These days we think of HaShem as the Supreme Judge, knowing that He determines whether or not we deserve to be sealed in the book of life. In Rosh haShana, the Celestial Court inscribes human beings in one of two books:  life or death. But the final verdict is not sealed until the end of Yom Kippur. And I have to seriously consider the possibility that I am appealing a verdict that so far is negative, and I must convince the Judge that if He did not inscribe me in the book of life, He should reconsider. I have 10 days to appeal and invoke HaShem’s clemency, and show that I sincerely regret the wrong things I did. And during these ten days, including this Shabbat, I have to prove to the Supreme Judge that I am capable of being a very good person. Yom Kippur is the day of the final appeal: I will stand before the Supreme Judge, acting as my own lawyer, imploring for my life.

QADOSH: “Qadosh,” is usually translated as “holy.” But in the context of this expression it means “unique,” “different.” In other words, we are saying that although HaShem is a judge, he is a very different judge. Why is HaShem as a judge different from a human judge? Because HaShem is an invisible judge, whom we do not see, but who sees and knows what a human judge does not know and does not see. Unlike a normal judge, HaShem knows what I do in private. HaShem is “unique” because he is a judge whom we cannot deceive with appearances or flattery … He is “unique” because nothing escapes His knowledge. Unlike a human judge, HaShem knows my thoughts, my intentions and my potential.

But if He knows everything, how will my repentance affect His final judgment and His verdict?

ABINU: HaShem as our judge is also “unique” because he is our Creator, our father. When one of my children makes a mistake, the most important thing for me is to make sure he or she has learned the lesson from his bad experience. And once my child has learned the lesson, he probably won’t make the same mistake again. Therefore, when my child spontaneously approaches me,  admits her mistake with sincerity and shows me that he understands that he made a mistake, why would I want to punish him? Quite the opposite! I will hug him, encourage him and show him that I trust him, and that I am very happy he has finally learned his lesson. Similarly, when we approach HaShem in Yom Kippur, He expects us to admit and confess our mistakes and transgressions, showing him that we have learned the lesson. If we do that, He will surely forgive us and spare us from the punishment we deserve. Because apart from being our King, He is our Father: we are his children.

This tremendously important concept is indicated in the beautiful prayer we say all these days: ABINU MALKENU (our Father, Our King), which could be interpreted as: “You are our Father, [apart from being] our Judge.”

Class on the meaning of the 4 species

כיצד מתוודה? אומר אנא ה ‘חטאתי עוויתי פשעתי לפניך, ועשיתי כך וכך, והרי ניחמתי ובושתי במעשיי, ולעולם איני חוזר לדבר זה