The Ketuba, which is the Jewish marriage document, outlines the husband’s obligations to his wife. During the wedding ceremony, the groom declares that he is taking his bride as his wife “according to the law of Moses and Israel,” implying that he accepts all the responsibilities of a Jewish husband.

In this week’s Parasha Mishpatim, the Tora establishes the three primary duties of a husband towards his wife:

1. She-erah: providing his wife with sustenance.
2. Kesutah: supplying her with clothing and lodging.
3. ‘Onatah: being intimate with her.

1. She-erah

Theprimary responsibility of the husband is to provide financial support for his wife. This is the first of the three duties stated in the Torah (Exodus 21:10), which the rabbis refer to as “mezonot” (food, i.e., alimony/aliment = food).

Maimonides provides a few examples based on ancient traditions brought by the Talmud:

According to MT, Ishut 12:10-11, the husband must provide food for his wife and children according to his financial means. If the husband is poor, he should provide only two basic meals a day, whereas a wealthy husband should ensure that his wife and children have nutritious food (meat, fish, or whatever is customary) daily.

According to MT, Ishut 12:16-17, if a husband goes on a business trip overseas (in ancient times, people would travel overseas for months or years with virtually no possibility of communication), and his wife is left with no means of obtaining food, the rabbinical court may confiscate and sell the husband’s assets to provide for his wife and children, provided that at least three months have passed since the husband’s departure. It was assumed that thoughtful husbands would leave sustenance for their families for at least 90 days.

2. Kesutah, which literally means “her clothing,” is an obligation of a Jewish husband to provide his wife with appropriate clothing, bedding, furniture, and a place of residence.

Clothing: The husband is required to provide his wife’s social needs, that is: suitable clothing for every season of the year. The quality of clothing provided must be in accordance with the husband’s financial ability and the local custom and fashion. For instance, the social needs of a woman residing on a farm differ from those living in a city (Maimonides, MT Ishut 13:2). Additionally, the husband is responsible for providing non-essential items such as jewelry and cosmetics at a level that aligns with the balance between his financial capability and the wife’s social needs.

Place of residence: The place of residence is often agreed upon and written in the Ketuba. In the event that the husband wishes to change the usual place of residence, the wife is expected to move with him. However, there are exceptions, such as when the neighborhood is disreputable, in which case the wife can refuse to move to a more violent or corrupt place. Moreover, if the couple lives in Israel, the wife can decline to move out of Israel or leave Jerusalem if they live in Jerusalem (13:15, 13:19-20) even to move to a more comfortable place.

3. ‘Onatah: The Tora explicitly grants conjugal rights to the wife.  Exodus 21:10 states that the husband “must not deprive his wife of her food, clothing, and marital rights.” Maimonides states that a husband’s consistent refusal to engage in sexual relations deliberately or maliciously is a transgression of a Biblical prohibition. In such a case, the woman has legal grounds to ask for a divorce, claiming the total amount of the financial compensation established in the Ketubah. However, this rule does not apply when the husband’s abstinence is health-related (Maimonides MT, Ishut 14:7). The Talmud discusses the expected frequency of the husband’s marital duties based on his occupation (14:1).

Although not explicitly based on a Biblical statement, the wife is also expected to fulfill her conjugal duties. If a wife permanently denies her husband his conjugal rights without a justified reason or maliciously (kede letsa’aro), she is considered a rebellious wife (moredet) and in the event of divorce, she is not entitled to any compensation (14:9).

The primary purpose of Mitsvat ‘Onatah is to strengthen the loving bond between husband and wife. The Tora commands the couple to have children (peru urbu) in a separate Mitsva. This Mitsva, ‘Onatah, is independent of the intention of procreation. Even when conception is impossible, such as during pregnancy, when the woman is under a permissible form of birth control, or when the wife is no longer able to bear children, the couple is still expected to have an active married life.

Tu Bishbat is the “new year of the trees.” This “new year or cycle” is an halakhic concept relevant to some commandments of the Tora related to agriculture. These precepts linked to land are called mitsvot hateluyot ba-arets  “commandments that apply to the products of the land (vegetables, trees, grains),” and almost all of them belong exclusively in the land of Israel. For example: teruma (offerings to the Cohanim), ma’aser (tithes) shebi’it (resting of the land every seven years) etc.

.

Wherever you are this TU BISHBAT,  eat fruits that remind you of Israel, feeling the beautiful taste of our beloved land. Or visualize yourself as a 17th-century European Jew savoring in the bitter carob seeds, the milk, and honey of our beautiful land. 

DUTIES OF THE BRAIN
This Shabbat we will read the Parasha Yitro, which contains the Ten Commandments, a subject of inexhaustible depth.
One example. The First commandment is the most difficult to understand as a commandment, because it is not formulated as an order. It does not specify any action that we should perform. And it does not start with the words “You Shall Not…”, such as “You Shall Not Kill”. It seems to be, rather, an introduction to what is about to come. “I am HaShem your God, who delivered you from the land of Egypt, from the house of slaves.”
Following Maimonides, it is usually explained that this commandment expresses our duty to “believe” in God. And it should not be a surprise that the Tora commands about something that is related to “thoughts” and feelings and not to action. Think of the last of the Ten Commandment, the prohibition to envy, that also refers to an emotion that we must control, a virtual reprogramming of our brain.

TO BELIEVE IS TO DO
Once we understand that this commandment is not commanding any “action” let’s review again what its content is. According to Maimonides (see here) believing in God means to “know that God is our Eloqim,” that is, to accept God as the Supreme Authority that we must obey. This commandment teaches us that it is God, and not humans, who defines what is right and what is wrong. Knowing that He is our Lawgiver implies that we should follow His guidance in our behavior and choices. There is a very important difference between the popular definition of “believing in God” and the Jewish definition of “accepting His authority”. As Jordan B. Peterson explains, when journalists repeatedly ask him if he believes in God: the simple verbal statement “I do believe in God” or “I do not believe” is practically irrelevant. Why? Because it is possible to “declare our faith in God” while referring to an imaginary “god” in our mind, and not to the God of the Bible. Let me explain: Imagine someone that believes in God but ignores His Commandments. Ignores or does not care to follow His laws and guidance. This individual actually believes in a God “for emergencies only”. Is that considered a real “faith” in the God of the Tora?

Is that the God of the Tora? Can this be considered real “faith”?

REREADING THE FIRST COMMANDMENT
Too many superstitious people of all religions (including ours!) profess this type of belief in a god that serves you but that we don’t need to obey. Perhaps that is why in His “official presentation” to His people in Mount Sinai, i.e., the First Commandment, God introduces Himself first as “Eloqekha”, “Your Authority”, :”Your Sovereign”, who demands certain behavior, guides you, and rewards the righteous and punishes the sinners. It is true that apart from being “Eloqekha” our Legislator and Sovereign, God is also our redeemer: the First Commandment mentions that He saved us from the Egyptian slavery!
But the main message of the First Commandments is about obedience, not prayer. It focuses on accepting God as our Authority. And it was formulated in this way perhaps to avoid that type of immature relationship in which God only exists to solve my problems.
“Serving” God is not like serving idols. Pagan gods demands nothing from your personal conduct. Idols do not care what you do with your life. They do not expect from you obedience but tributes. Because they do not care about you. They just use you. And they let you to use them when you need it. The relationship between pagan gods and pagans is strictly a quid pro quo relationship.

GOD AS A PARENT
But HaShem does not ask anything from us in return for His good advice. Te entire relationship between God and us is not a relationship of convenience but a relationship of love. We obey Him because we trust that Him. Our relationship with God is like the relationship between children and parents. I completely trust that whatever God asks me to do or not to do is ultimately for my own good. The ultimate expression of faith, of believing in God consists in acting in a way that is consistent with His existence. It is what I “do” what expresses my faith (or my lack of faith), more than what I say or believe.

After leaving Egypt and entering the desert, the Israelites began to suffer from a shortage of food and water. At that moment, one of the greatest miracles in biblical history took place: God caused manna (in Hebrew, man) to descend — a miraculous food with unique nutritional properties. Through Moshe, God instructed the people on how to handle this “food from heaven.” These instructions were not technical but educational. For centuries, we Jews have applied these divine lessons to the way we think about our work and how we relate to money and material possessions.

There are three fundamental teachings regarding the manna — all of them are still deeply relevant to modern life.

ACCEPTING DEPENDENCY

The first message of the man is that all food and material wealth ultimately “comes from heaven.” This does not mean we are exempt from working to earn our livelihood. The manna did not fall at the entrance of the Israelites’ tents — nor was it delivered by Amazon. They had to step outside and make an effort to gather it. The key lesson is to remember that, even though we work and exert ourselves, our sustenance (parnasa) is decided by Heaven — just like the manna. A farmer may work from sunrise to sunset planting his fields, but if God doesn’t send rain, he won’t harvest anything. A businessman may be intelligent and hardworking, but his income can be affected if he gets sick or has an accident.

The first lesson from the manna is this: we must believe that, in the end, it is HaShem who determines what we will have to eat and whether we will have just enough or, B” H, even more than enough. Emuna — faith — is essential for facing and overcoming one of the most common mental health challenges: anxiety. When we don’t actively cultivate faith, fluctuations in the economy, changes in employment, salary, or business can destabilize us. We must go out and make the necessary effort to “gather the manna,” but we must also know and accept with emuna that what we receive — whether a lot or a little — is exactly what God has determined for us.

THOU SHALT NOT ACCUMULATE

In the desert, it was forbidden to hoard manna. Each person was to collect only what they needed for that day. If someone collected more than necessary, the excess would rot. As a result, no one compared their portion to that of their neighbor.

This second lesson speaks to the modern tendency to accumulate material goods compulsively. Hoarding reflects a lack of faith, a lack of appreciation, and ingratitude toward HaShem’s generosity — which is not finite. Emuna means being happy with what one has. This mindset protects us from one of the most destructive emotional conditions: envy and jealousy.

The segula — the spiritual power — of the manna reminds me of a foundational truth: I don’t need to look at my neighbor and believe that his abundance somehow diminishes mine. The essential goal in life is not to have everything I want but to want everything I have.

NOT ON SHABBAT

On Fridays, the people were instructed to collect a double portion of manna — for that day and for Shabbat — because the manna would not fall on Shabbat. This taught them that there was no need to work on Shabbat in order to have what to eat.

Any Jew who observes Shabbat knows that it’s possible to miss out on business deals or professional opportunities by not working on the seventh day. A Jewish merchant may lose potential sales or unique offers due to Shabbat observance. As the Romans once noted, Shabbat is not necessarily “good for business.”

But what greater demonstration of faith in HaShem could there be than refraining from work on Shabbat, with the conviction that “I will not earn more than what has already been designated from Heaven for me and my family”?

That is why each Shabbat, we remember the manna — in the two loaves (challot) that we prepare and in the way we cover them from above and below.

The segula of the manna teaches us to strengthen our faith in HaShem, to adopt moderation in our consumption habits, and to avoid the trap of material excess.

“

The most incredible thing about our Tora is its actuality and relevance: the fact that in its immortal lines, we read events and stories that occurred thousands of years ago, and suddenly, boom! We find something very similar in the latest news from that week’s newspapers… Sometimes it’s just a matter of opening our eyes and discovering these “coincidences”. One example.

YOSEF AT THE BOTTOM OF THE NILE

This Shabbat in Parashat Beshallach we read about the Jews’ departure from Egypt. And one of the first things that this Parsha tells us is that before leaving Egypt, Moses took “the bones (the remains) of Joseph” with him to be buried in the land of Israel. The Sages of the Talmud give us some details of this event. Firstly, all agree that Joseph’s remains were not buried in the Valley of the Kings, in a pyramid, like the remains of the Pharaohs and other essential people of Egypt. Joseph’s remains were thrown into the Nile River. And Moses had to rescue his body from the bottom of the river. The Sages debate the reason why the bones of Joseph were thrown into the river by the Egyptians. The Gemara in Sota says that the Egyptians, aware that Joseph had saved the country’s economy, wanted to use Joseph’s bones as an esoteric element, an amulet, throwing his body into the Nile in a metal chest so that Joseph’s body would “bless the Nile”. Like when some people throw coins into the Fonte de Trevi with the hope that the money in their pockets will multiply. Midrash Tanchuma presents a radically different opinion, which I think it might be closer to the Peshat: Yosef’s remains were disinterred from his luxurious tomb and thrown into the Nile as an act of disdain by the new Egyptian leader, a revisionist Pharaoh who blamed the Jews for all their miseries, towards the great Jewish leader. Regardless of the reason why Yosef’s body was thrown into the river, the Sages explain that before leaving Egypt, Moses took the time to refloat Joseph’s bones from the bottom of the Nile, carry him and bringing his bones to Israel. Miraculously, Moses was able to retrieve Yosef’s remains and were buried in the land of Israel (Shekhem).

WATER, WITH JEWISH BLOOD

The Nazi invasion of Hungary in 1944 caused the largest, fastest, and most efficient mass deportation and murder in human history. In just eight weeks, about 424,000 Hungarian Jews were deported to Auschwitz-Birkenau. Within six months, over half a million Jews, 565,000, were killed in these and other concentration camps. The Jews who remained in Hungary were not faring better. Between December 1944 and January 1945, the Hungarian police forces known as the “Crossed Arrows” took thousands of Jews out of the ghettos of Budapest and murdered them in cold blood. Men, women, elders, and children were executed on the banks of the Danube, and their bodies were thrown into the river. Before killing them, the Hungarian police forces made them take off their shoes and tied their hands with their shoelaces, so they couldn’t escape by swimming.  The bodies of thousands of Jews—it is estimated to be no less than 3,500, although some say 20,000!—lie in the murky depths of the Danube. On April 16, 2005, Hungary erected a monument in memory of the victims of these terrible killings. It is called “Shoes on the Danube Bank.”

ותקח מרים הנביאה את התוף בידה

Miriam, Moshe’s (Moses) sister, was probably the most optimistic person in the history of Am Israel. I believe that when our Sages say that the Jews were able to leave Egypt thanks to the merit of virtuous women, they were referring especially to Miriam.

Miriam’s career as a prophetess of optimism began at an early age: when she was a child. At that time his father Amram, who was a well-respected leader in the Jewish community, decided that after Pharaoh’s decree ordering the killing of all newly born Jewish boys, he would separate from his wife in order not to bring more children to the world. “Why having more children? To see them die? Amram reasoned”. All the Jewish husbands saw what Amram did and decided that they would also stop having children. But when everyone saw death, despair and pessimism, a woman, a little girl named Miriam, saw the same things from a different perspective. Miriam visualized the possibility of a better future. And she told her father: “Pharaoh condemned only the male children to die, but your acts and your example would also condemn the women of Israel to extinction.” Miriam’s words had a big impact on her father. Amram returned to his wife Yokhebed and thus Moshe was born. All Yehudim of Egypt followed Amram’s example.  And Israel was saved from this self-extinction thanks to the audacity of a little girl named Miriam.

When Moshe was born, and before the Egyptian officers took him from his mother’s arms, Yokhebed, his mother, took him to the Nile River. After placing the basket with his baby on the river Yokhebed disappeared, perhaps not to see her baby die …. But once again, when everyone saw the inevitable and tragic end of the baby, a young girl named Miriam had the audacity of hope. And guided by an unreasonable but prophetic optimism, she followed her brother’s basket and saw wit her eyes that her stubborn optimism crystallized. Moshe was rescued by the last person anyone had imagined: Batya, Pharaoh’s  daughter. Miriam was present at the scene and suggested to the adoptive mother that the baby be nursed by a Hebrew woman before being taken to the palace. What we sometimes do not realize is that it was thanks to the providential intervention of Miriam that Moshe was raised by his own mother and that this is how Moshe knew he was Jewish!.  And so it was that one day he decided to go out and help his brothers …. It was thanks to Miriam that Moshe was born, and it was thanks to Miriam and her optimism that Moshe became the leader of the Jewish people.

In this week’s Parasha we find another evidence of Miriam’s incredible optimistic spirit. The departure from Egypt was very quick. Almost surprising. “You have to leave NOW, in the middle of the night. And you will have to travel with whatever you are wearing, and leave everything else behind.”  Men mainly thought about carrying things of value …. and the ladies, I imagine, must have been thinking of bringing food for their families. As we all know, there was not even time to wait for the dough to rise. At that moment people thinks with fear about all the potential  dangers of venturing into the desert: Will we have food, water, shade? What about wild animals or snakes or scorpions? At the time of leaving Egypt everyone was thinking about the risks of the unknown journey and the dangers of the Divine adventure. With one exception: Miriam. When Miriam packaged her belongings, the first thing she prepared was the TUPIM (a kind of “tambourine”). But why brining musical instruments? Why carrying extra weight? Once again, when everyone saw dangers and difficulties, Miriam dared to think differently. Miriam took the tambourines because she thought of celebrating. It was not yet known that HaShem was going to open the sea and the people of Israel would cross into their freedom. But even though she was not sure what exactly would be celebrating, Miriam had the audacity to think about freedom, victory, and celebration! And she said to herself, “We must be prepared to sing to HaShem and thank Him for all He has done for us.” And so it was. When the people of Israel crossed the sea, Miriam went out with her TUPIM to celebrate freedom and invite everyone to sing in gratitude to HaShem.

As they left Egypt, when they all imagined the dangers of the journey, Miriam had the audacity of hope. Miriam visualized freedom, victory, celebration and gratitude to HaShem.

PHARAOH’S REGRET
After Pharaoh expels the Jewish slaves from his land, God does not lead them along a direct route to the Promised Land, because a confrontation with the enemy at this early stage would drive them back to Egypt. HaShem instead leads them along the desert road to the east, guiding them with a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night. God then commands the Jews to camp along the Sea of Reeds. It seems to Pharaoh that the Jews are lost in the desert, and he decides to chase after them and corner them at the seashore. When the Jews see the Egyptians arriving with their army, they panic and yell at Moshe. “Are there not enough graves in Egypt (alluding perhaps to the pyramids that were already famous at that time)  that you have brought us to die in the desert?”. “Do not be afraid,” Moshe said to them. “You will see God’s salvation today… God will wage war for you.”.

THE SEA OPENS
HaShem instructs Moshe: “Speak to the children of Israel and tell them to advance…!” The Jews need to cross to the other side of the sea. “And so the Egyptians will know I am God when Pharaoh and his armies glorify me.” Meanwhile, the pillar of the cloud that led the Jews moved behind them, separating the Jews from their enemies and preventing the Egyptians from advancing toward the Jews. Moshe stretches out his staff, and the sea splits into two columns. The Jews crossed the sea, walking in dry Land, leaving Egyptian territory towards their definitive freedom.

SALVATION AND GRATITUDE
The Egyptians decide to pursue the Jews, and their army advances toward the open waters. Moshe extends his hand over the sea, and the waters collapse and close on the Egyptians, drowning them in the sea. Seeing this, and already on the other side of the sea, Moshe and the Hebrews begin to sing, praising God for the wonderful miracle they had witnessed. Moshe’s sister, Miriam, leads the women in singing and dancing, using musical instruments.

WATER and MANA
The Jews now begin their journey through the desert and spend three days walking without finding water. When they reach Mara, they find salted water. HaShem sweetens the water, and the people are now able to drink. After a while, the food that the Jews had brought from Egypt began to run out. They complain to Moshe, saying they miss the tasty Egyptian food they left behind. God assures them that a special food will descend from heaven. In the morning, food called “manna” falls from the sky, hidden in the morning dew. Moshe tells the Hebrews to collect a limited portion of manna (approximately 1.5 lbs) for each family member and warns them again to accumulate and store extra manna. Those who ignored this indication found that the manna was infested with worms the following day. On Friday, by Divine instruction, everyone collected two portions of “manna”: the second portion was to be set aside and reserved for Shabbat since no manna would descend on the Seventh Day. Once again, some Jews ignored Moshe’s directive and went out to collect manna on Shabbat.
God commands Moshe to take a jar of manna and place it in the Holy Ark as a testimony of this miracle for all future generations. The Israelites continue their journey in the desert, and when they reach Refidim, they run out of water again. They complain to Moshe. God commands the Jewish leader to strike a rock with his rod, and water begins flowing from the rock so the people can drink.

SURPRISE ATTACK
The Amaleqites –desert nomads– attack the Jews. Moshe orders his disciple Yehoshua to gather an army and fight Amaleq. Yehoshua follows Moshe’s command, and the Jews, with Divine assistance, emerge victorious from this battle. God instructs Moshe to write that HaShem will erase Amaleq from the earth and that we Jews can never forget that Amaleq will always be there, ready to cause harm.