The celebratory meal

The berit mila is one of the most important and joyous events in the life of the parents and family of the newborn baby.
 
The ceremony is always followed by a se’uda: a festive meal or banquet. This banquet is considered a se’udat mitzva, i.e. by taking part of this meal, we fulfill a Mitzva.
 
The Rabbis indicated, therefore, that the participation in this meal is not optional but virtually mandatory. Rama (rabbi Moshe Isserles), in his notes to the Shulchan Arukh asserted that one who does not participate of this important banquet ‘should be banned from heaven’. That is why in the Ashkenazi communities, the hosts are very careful not to ‘invite’ formally any guest to the Berit Mila, because if they are invited and do not come to the seuda it could be considered as if they rejected this Mitzva, and would be under a heavenly ban. In the Ashkenazi communities, then, the tradition is that people are not formally invited to the Berit Mila. The hosts just announce publicly the date and place where the berit mila will take place (pitche teshuba).
 
Because this banquet is not a regular meal, but the fulfillment of a Mitzva, people who are in mourning, after the shiba (the first seven days of mourning) are allowed to participate of the ceremony and the meal (when no music is played at the banquet). According to rabbi Refael Pinchasi (chayim vechesed), before thirty days (sheloshim) the mourner participates of the ceremony, but he should not participate of the banquet.
 
There are many different Minhagim (customs) on this issue. Rama, for example, says that during the twelve months, the mourner should not take part of any meal outside his house (YD 393), even if is a se’udat mitzva. Each one should know and follow his or her community’s traditions.
 

 

 

 



Should we forgive?

The days of Elul are days of Teshuba. We ask forgiveness from God, for any ritual transgressions we might have done. And we should seek our peer’s forgiveness for any offenses we might have caused them.

We also need to be willing to forgive.

In Chapter 2, Halakha 10, Maimonides talks about the appropriate attitude of the victim of an offense. He says: “It is forbidden for a person to be insensitive (akhzari) and refuse to be appeased… rather, when someone approaches him seeking his forgiveness, he should forgive him wholeheartedly and with a positive spirit”.

Forgiving is one of the most difficult emotional acts we might be performing in our lives, but at the time we ask forgiveness from God, we should be willing to forgive others as well.

Seeking revenge or even bearing a grudge is actually a Biblical prohibition. According to Maimonides, these altruistic values have had such an impact in the Jewish nation that it became already a ‘second nature’, or part of the Jews present genetic makeup. “[forgiving is part of] the nature (darkan) of the descendants of israel and the inclination of their hearth”

I must clarify, however, that we are referring here to social and personal forgiveness: when a friend, a colleague, a neighbor, etc.did something wrong to me.

 

Political forgiveness is a more complicated matter (I urge the reader to read this): we have no right to forgive the perpetrators and accomplices of the Shoa or those who had any involvement in brutal terrorists acts in Israel or in the terrorist attacks of 9/11.

Actually in this week’s Persaha the Torah states clearly that some instances, like the irrational hatred of Amaleq, should never be forgiven or even forgotten, but constantly remembered, lest it repeats itself.

 

SHABBAT SHALOM!

 

Candle Lighting in NYC: 6.57 PM

Shabbat Ends in NYC: 8.03 PM

Rabbi Yosef Bitton.

130 Steamboat Rd. | Great Neck | NY | 11024.

Email: rabbibitton@yahoo.com

 

Click here to see a wonderful presentation by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks on this Perasha, about forgiveness and remembrance.

To watch and to remember: SEPTEMBER 11, memorial



The original sin and blame displacement

In Maimonides opinion Teshuba consists of three steps:
1. hakarat hachet or, admission of our personal responsibility .
2. viduy, or confession with sincere remorse for the wrong we have done
3. azibat hachet or the resolve to abandon a bad habit.

Personally, I believe that hakarat hachet is the most difficult challenge in Teshuba. Because naturally, we tend to justify and rationalize whatever wrong we have done. Or play the oldest human game: “blame displacement“.

Everyone knows that God punished Adam and Eve expelling them from Paradise. But why did He expel them? What did they do wrong? Eating from the forbidden tree?

Try this. Put on a table all kind of candies, sweets, and cakes in front of a six years old child. In the middle of the table place a simple cherry-tomato. Now, tell the child: ‘You can eat whatever you want except for the tomato’. It will be only a matter of time until the child disobeys, leaves everything else and eats the tomato. The ‘forbidden fruit’ syndrome triggers an irresistible curiosity and desire. According to Rabbi Yosef Albo, Adam and Eve’s sin was not eating from the fruit. God, he said, knew they will succumb! God wanted to train them to take charge, confess and repent for one’s wrong actions. He was teaching them to do Teshuba!

Adam’s real error happened when God approached him and asked him: ‘What did you do?’ and instead of admitting his responsibility and asking for God’s forgiveness, Adam ‘transferred’ the blame to Eve. He said: ‘the woman that You (You=God. Adam was blaming God!) placed next to me, she offered me the fruit’. Then, God approached Eve, and she said: ‘It wasn’t me! The serpent made me do it’.

‘Blame displacement,’ blaming others for our misdeeds, is probably the main obstacle for repentance, or at least the oldest one.

Rabbi Yosef Bitton.

130 Steamboat Rd. | Great Neck | NY | 11024.

Email: rabbibitton@yahoo.com

 

 

Click here to see what the three most important words in a relationship are.



Teshuba and the end of life

Maimonides enumerates four different categories of transgressions for which Teshuba represents an atonement. The first category is repenting for Mitzvot ‘Ase, or positive commandments (1:4).

Lately, I thought a lot about this apparently simple idea. “Transgressing a positive commandment” means: failing to do something good!. Normally, when we think of Teshuba we recall our mistakes, flaws, misdeeds, etc. But according to Maimonides’ statement: we need to regret (and act upon!) not only for what we have done wrong but also or primarily for what we have not done!

It reminds me of one of the deepest experiences I’ve been exposed to as a rabbi. When I visited in the Hospital patients who knew they will die soon, I found out that they are not focused that much on the mistakes they have made. Rather, those patients, at these sacred last moments, are regretful for the good things they should have done and they didn’t do. For the many opportunities they’ve missed to help others, to learn more Torah, to give more Tsedaqa, etc. In other words, people regret they have missed their full potential to do good. They feel they have had the capacity to do more than what they did. The greater the person was, or the highest position that person had, the bigger the feeling of having missed so many opportunities to make a positive change in himself and in others.

In a sense, if we take seriously the Jewish concept of Rosh haShana: the rabbis’ idea that every new year we are judged weather to be granted or not an additional year of life, the days before rosh haShana are well suited to reflect, not just in our flaws, but (mainly?) in our potential to learn, to grow, to give, to help, to make a real change.

 

 

 

Click here to watch “World’s Greatest Love Story” Nancy and Howard Kleinberg’s love story is nothing short of a miracle, by Regis and Kelly. From www.aish.com



Viduy (confession) and Alcoholism

Anyone familiar with the process of Teshuba (repentance) delineated by Maimonides, would not be surprised to learn how the A.A. (Alcoholics Anonymous) or other agencies who help people with all type of addictions have developed a program which includes: “admission of one’s problem” as one of the first steps in the way of recovery.

In the process of Teshuba, as we have explained, the ultimate (not necessarily the ‘last’) step that leads into repentance is also the Viduy: confession, admission of one’s problem. Admission implies to stop the denial, and acknowledge to ourselves that we have a problem, an addiction, a flaw.

The first difficulty an alcoholic needs to overcome, if he wants to get cured is to do away with all his excuses. Anyone which is criticized of having an alcohol problem will probably begin by defending himself saying: “I’m NOT an alcoholic. I just like to have a few drinks a day, like everyone else. I’m in control. I can stop whenever I want”.

That is why when one attends A.A. meetings, the first step toward a cure is for the person to say loud and clear: “My name is Joe, and I’m an alcoholic.”

Notice that, same as required on the Viduy, the addict must articulate and verbalize his problem, not just think about it. This articulation is an indispensable prerequisite to overcome his conscious and subconscious denial.


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Should I be specific?

According to Maimonides, the commandment of Teshuba is fulfilled when we recite the Viduy. Viduy means ‘confession,’ and it consists on the articulation of our transgressions, admitting our responsibility and feeling regret for the wrong things we have done.

The Viduy/confession is done privately. We do not disclose our sins in front of other people or a rabbi, but right in front of God. Whispering the confession to ourselves.

There is a discussion of the Talmud if at the recitation of the Viduy one has to specify his wrongdoings (Rabbi Yehuda ben Baba) or one can just state in general terms that he has acted wrongly (Rabbi Akiba).

According to the Shulchan Arukh, there is no need to mention every specific sin that one has committed during the last year. This leniency aims at not discouraging a person who wants to repent, but does not find himself capable (or courageous enough) of recalling the specifics of his bad behavior.

Maimonides, however, rules like the first opinion and indicates that one has to mention in his private confession, everything wrong he has done.

To follow Maimonides opinion, one will need to apply himself to a deep introspection, exercising greatly his memory, struggling against his own denial, reviewing last year’s actions, and perhaps, writing a list of all misdeeds he can remember.

Additionally, the text of the Viduy that we have in the Machzorim –the one we say for Selichot for example– should be seen as a reminder of the subjects one has to review, repent for, and hopefully correct.

As we have said before, all this spiritual/ethical activity cannot be done overnight. We dedicate to it forty days, from the beginning of Elul until Yom Kippur: the day we devote ourselves entirely and exclusively to Teshuba/Viduy.

 

 

Shabbat Shalom!

Candle Lighting in NYC: 7:08 PM

Shabbat ends in NYC: 8:15 PM

 

Click here to read

“Confession and Redemption”

by Rabbi Zev Leff (Aish.com)



Repentance and verbal confession

In his Mishne Torah, Maimonides dedicates ten chapters to the subject of Teshuba (repentance). In those chapters he describes and explains the technical issues involved in the process of repentance. He deals in length with the idea of freedom of choice and its relationship to Teshuba, and most interestingly, he clarifies the Jewish view on afterlife and the World to come (‘olam-habba). On the last chapter he elaborates on the proper way to serve God: if we should serve God expecting a reward or out of our unconditional love for Him. In this month, Elul, I will try B’H to cover some of these important issues.

 

 

At the very beginning of Hilkhot Teshuba (The Laws of Teshuba 1:1) Maimonides clarifies that Teshuba, understood as: 1.Admission of our wrong behavior. 2. Repentance and 3. Resolution to change our behavior, is a prerequisite for the performance of the Mitzvah which is explicit in the Torah: the Viduy, or “confession”.

 

“When one repents and returns from his sin, he must confess before God… as it is written: (bamidbar 5:6) “…and they shall confess the sin that they committed”. This refers to a oral confession. This confession is positive commandment”.

 

Oral or verbal confession is said to the exclusion of a mental confession. Similar to psychoanalysis, where the patient begins his metal healing when he or she is able to articulate his trauma, in the process of Teshuba, we reach the level of ‘admission of our sins’ only when we are able to articulate our transgressions with words, not with thoughts. Bad habits might remain forever in our subconscious mind unless we articulate them.

Confessing and verbalizing is the ultimate way of admitting our mistakes, which is the most important step we must take to arrive to the goal of the Teshuba process: positive behavioral change.

 

 



Rosh Chodesh Elul

After receiving the Ten Commandments in Shabu’ot, Moshe Rabbenu stayed in Mount Sinai for forty days. There, God taught him the Oral Torah: the meaning and the ways to perform all the 613 commandments. At the end of the forty days Moshe came down and encountered the people of Israel worshiping the golden calf. At the sight of such terrible offense, Moshe broke the tablets containing the Ten commandments. This happened on the 17th of Tamuz.

A few weeks later, in the beginning of the month of Elul, God told Moshe to ascend once again to Mount Sinai, where he stayed again for forty days. What did Moshe do during those forty days? Since God expressed His intention to erase Am Israel for their deplorable sin, Moshe begged God Almighty to forgive His people, Israel. Moshe argued with God, advocating for the Jewish people, and invoking the merit of their ancestors Abraham, Ytzchaq and Ya’aqob.

At the end of the forty days, and at the insistence of Moshe Rabbenu, God finally absolved the people of Israel. That day, the 10th of Tishri, is Yom Kippur, the day of forgiveness.

In remembrance of those forty days during which Moshe Rabbenu begged God to absolve Israel, we dedicate forty days to ask God for our own forgiveness. During forty days we immerse ourselves in a deep process of introspection, admission, repentance and change called: Teshuba.

This period of spiritual preparation begins tomorrow and ends on Yom Kippur.

Tomorrow morning B’H, Sephardic communities start reciting the Selichot, the prayers that inspire us to reflect on our lives and embark on the process of Teshuba.

 

 

Click here to get in the mood of Selichot



BERIT MILA: The steps of circumcision. Metzitza.

Previously (see here ) we’ve explained the first three steps of the Berit Mila:

1. Sterilization,
2. Removal of the foreskin (circumcision) and
3. peri’a or removal of epithelium.
The fourth step is the Metziza, sucking the blood from the circumcision wound. The ritual of Metzitzah is found the Mishna, Masekhet Shabbat (19:2) as one of the steps involved in the circumcision rite.
Modern rabbis (Chatam Sofer) have observed that the rationale for the Metziza is hygienic.
According to Rabbi Mordechai Halperin, this action lowers the internal pressure in the tissues of the organ, in the blood vessels of the head of the organ and in the exposed ends of the arterioles that have just been cut. Thus, the difference between the pressure in the blood vessels in the base of the organ and the pressure in the blood vessels at its tip is increased.
In modern days, as our awareness of infections and sterilization procedures have increased, the rabbis dissent regarding the right procedure for the Metziza.
Some rabbis, notably Rabbi Sinai Schiffer of Baden, Germany, states in his Sefer Mitzvas Hametzitzah that most Russian (Lithuanian) rabbis categorically prohibit Metzitzah with a sponge etc. and require it to be done orally.
Most Modern Orthodox Rabbis, however, recommend to use a sterilized glass which fulfills the same mission and eliminates the risks of infections, herpes, HIV, etc.
Our own rabbi Eliyahu ben Hayim (Shelita), also recommends the Metzizta be done using a sterilized glass tube.


Click here to read the statement of the Rabbinical Council of America on the issue of Metzitza.



Why is the Kaddish such an important prayer?

During our prayers we praise God constantly, but in the Kaddish we excel in expressing our praise to God, more than in any other prayer.

We say (or respond): yehe shemeh rabba… “May His Great name be blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled, honored, adored, and lauded“.

The rabbis were not impressed with the abundance of synonyms. On the contrary. They emphasized that the real praise comes in the following phrase: le’ela min kol birkhata…. “May His name be praised… beyond any blessing and praise… that could possibly be said in this world”. The greatness of the Kaddish is that it makes us realize that no matter how many words we would use, we will be always short of grasping and acknowledging all He is, and even all He does for us. No matter how much we praise Him, for those of His actions that we are able to see, we admit that the full scope of His goodness is completely beyond our reach.

Let me illustrate: A five years old child can not not possibly realize all what his father or mother do for him. He might say ‘thank you’ for an extra candy, but a candy is only a small portion of all the parents do for their child: Love, care, attention, food, clothes, health, education, comfort, etc, etc, etc.
And we are like a child, that perceives only the ‘candies’, a small portion of all He does for us. The bigger picture of God’s kindness, is hidden.
The Kaddish or our response to the Kaddish, is the opportunity to express that if we don’t praise Him more, it is not because we are ungrateful, but just because we are limited to perceive all He does for us.