The real test of integrity takes place when someone is faced between keeping his word and suffering a financial loss. King David expressed this idea in Tehillim: nishba lehara’ velo yamir… The honest man would keep his promise even at the cost of losing his money. Illustration: Mr. A promised to sell an item to Mr. B for 100 dollars. But later on Mr. C offers Mr. A 110 dollars! If Mr. A follows King David’s instruction, he will sell the item to Mr. B for 100 –despite the potential monetary loss– because he already gave Mr. B his word.

The Talmud brings the ultimate example of integrity:

“Rab Safra had a donkey for sale. A gentile came to his house and offered him 50 coins for the donkey. At that precise moment Rab Safra was reciting the Shema Israel, so he could not answer back. The Talmud asserts that in his heart Rab Safra accepted the offer of 50 coins. The buyer, however, thought that Rab Safra’s silence meant that he expected a higher price so he offered him 60. Rab Safra was still reciting the Shema, so he did not react. The buyer then offered him 70. At that point Rab Safra ended the Shema. Rab Safra refused to accept the 70 coins. He said that in is heart he had accepted the first offer, 50 coins, and he would not take extra money after that.”  Rab Safra was considered by the Talmud the epitome of yr-e shamayim, a man with a highest level of respect and reverence to God (Makot 24a, Rashi)

√ “Anywhere but Israel”

Other than for medical reasons (see for example, here) abortion is forbidden by Jewish Law.  However, Jewish Law does not considered abortion as murder, i.e., a crime which deserved a capital punishment at the times when Jewish courts applied execution.  Similarly, a case in which a person accidentally caused a pregnant woman to miscarry her baby (such a case is explicit in the Tora, Shemot 21:22) was not classified as manslaughter (unintentional murder) and the penalty was monetary compensation. In this respect Judaism is different from other religions, for example, Christianity.   For the Catholic church, life begins at conception and for the most part abortion is equated with murder.

Rabbi Isaac Cantarini was born in Padua, Italy, in 1644. He was a rabbi, poet, writer and physician.  He studied Talmud with Rabbi Salomon Marini, and Hebrew with the poet Moses Catalano. His instructor in the secular studies was Bernardo de Laurentius. Cantarini received his diploma as physician in 1664 from the University of Padua–which unlike other universities in Europe, was open to Jews.  He practiced medicine in Padua for the rest of his life.

As a Rabbi, he very often preached in the Synagogue of Padua. His sermons were frequently attended by Christians, the number of these on one occasion was so great that the Jews had to find seats in the women’s gallery (the Jews, as usual, might have arrived to the lecture later than the gentiles 🙂 .

He also taught in the Yeshivah of Padua, and officiated as cantor, especially on Yom Kippur.  His last name Cantarini, in Hebrew  מהַחַזָּנִים — seems to indicate that he was coming from a family of ‘cantors’. As he had a thorough knowledge of the Talmud, his decisions were often sought in Halakhic cases.  Among his many students were two very famous Rabbis: Moses Chaim Luzzatto (Ramchal, Mesilat Yesharim) and Rabbi Isaac Lampronti (see here).

Rabbi Cantarini wrote many books and poems in Hebrew, Italian and Latin. His most famous work is called Pachad Ytzchaq, a description of the attack against the Jewish ghetto of Padua by the Christian populace on August 20, 1684, where Jews were accused of having sided with the Turkish enemy and murdered Christian prisoners-of-war in Budapest. Fortunately, the garrison commander of Padua was able to repel the attackers but the incident made a strong and lasting impact in Rabbi Cantarini.

√ You can find Rabbi Isaac Cantarini book Pachad Ytzchaq here

√ There is also a seven pages article published in 1960 by Harry A. Savitz in “Jewish Forum” Doctor Isaak Hayyim Ha-Kohen Cantarini: Physician, poet, rabbi, preacher, and teacher (1644-1723).

As we discussed last week (see here) since God is not a body, nothing associated with the physical realm can apply to Him. Sleep, wakefulness, anger and laughter, joy and sadness, do not apply to Him. Whenever the Tora or the Prophets speak about God in this way, they do so in a metaphorical way and allegorical manner, or as a prophetic visualization. Similarly, we cannot apply to God concepts as birth or death. God does not exist in time. Such concepts as beginning, end, age do not apply to Him.

Asking ourselves, “If God created the world, who created God?” Is like asking ourselves: “If the baker baked the bread, who baked the baker?” In the same way the concept of ‘baking’ cannot be applied to the existence of the baker, only to his actions, the concept of creation or birth cannot be applied to the existence of God. God is eternal. And other than God Himself, everything was created by God out of nothingness. In the beginning, God alone existed. Even time itself is among the things created by God.

According to Rabbi Hayim Pereira-Mendes, God’s eternity has also implications in our expectations for justice. Since God is eternal, punishment for the wicked or reward for the good man might take place beyond the time-limits of our lives. “The knowledge that God is eternal, especially when coupled with the knowledge that He is omnipotent reconciles us with our trials and sorrows, and solves the puzzles of earthly life and its many seeming difficulties and contradictions. Thus, we observe that the good often suffer misfortune or trial, and the wicked are successful and apparently happy. But God is Eternal, and will, in His own time and in His own way, in this life or in the Future or Eternal Life, show us the meaning and benefits of the sorrows and trials, the difficulties and contradictions.”

In our community it is customary to name the newborn with an Hebrew name and an English name.  Sometimes these two names are related, like Rebecca and Ribka. Sometimes both names are identical in English and in Hebrew, like: Daniel or Gabriel. And sometimes there is no relationship between them.

While the choosing of the English name is done more or less arbitrarily, the Hebrew name is normally given after the grandparents. (When more babies come, BH, they are named after the great-grandparents and so on). The source of this custom is literally pre-Abraham Abinu. The first recorded case of a man that named his son after his father was Terach, Abraham’s father. His father’s name was Nachor and he named one of his sons Nachor (Thanks to Mr Edward Dilamani for sharing with me this insight!).

In most Sephardic communities the first son or daughter is named after the father’s parents and the second son or daughter after the mother’s parents.

Parents should definitely keep away from asking mystical rabbis what Biblical names have “good luck or bad luck” or which “combination of names brings good luck or bad luck”. Those are mere superstitions and foreign practices that could bring unnecessary conflicts into the families. One example of a real case that happened in our community. A naive mother was told by a rabbi: Don’t name your newborn daughter “Rachel”, because Rachel (the Biblical Rachel imenu) died young”. Obviously, this absurd consideration does not make absolutely any sense. But the impressionable mother was now very scared for her daughter’s well-being and she refused to name her child after her own mother, Rachel, because of that ridiculous advice, causing a lot of pain to her mother.

Our Rabbis suggested in the case of Aharon and his sons, Nadab and Abihu, that actually when not naming one’s parents–especially when they have asked or wanted to be named–we should feel a great deal of consternation, for the consequences of depriving our parents from this high honor.

Click here to read:  “TEFILLIN: Everything you need to know about those powerful black boxes, placed on the head and arm” by  Rabbi Shraga Simmons, from Aish.

The name-giving of the daughter –known in Sephardic communities as Zebed haBat and in some Ashkenazi communities as Shabua haBat— takes place usually during the first Shabbat or within the first month after the birth of a girl.

As to the ceremony, there are many different traditions. I describe the ceremony according to Siddur bene tzion (there are no talmudic sources for it).

1.The father is invited to the Torah and after he finishes his Aliya a prayer is recited:

2. Before the prayer, the Chazan or the Rabbi recites a verse from Shir haShirim (The Song of Songs 2:14) praising the pristine beauty and the sweet voice of the baby girl. If she is the first girl to be born in the family, another verse (6:9) is added, describing her as a unique beautiful creature, the new Princess of the home.

3. Then, the name is giving:

“He Who blessed our mothers Sara and Ribka, Rachel and Lea, the prophetess Miriam, Abigayil and Queen Esther, the daughter of Abichayil, may He bless this beloved girl and let her name in Am Israel be known as:…   (here her Hebrew is pronounced and the name of her father: for example, “Rachel bat Abraham”. In many communities they mention the name of the mother as well, i.e., Rachel bat Abraham and Sara…)… with good mazal and in a time of blessing. May she grow up with good health, peace and tranquility; and may her father and her mother merit to see her joy and her wedding, with sons, prosperity and honor; and may they be healthy and fresh, and live until an old age; and so may this be His will, and let us say, Amen!”.

4. In many Sephardic communities the mother is also welcomed to say from her seat the thanksgiving blessing (Birkat haGomel)  .

Previously, we explained that God does not have a body or any resemblance to humans (see here).

So different is God from us that we cannot even express with words anything about God himself on our own. We cannot say, for example “God is big” . Why? Because in our limited human language, the idea of ‘big’ might be used to refer to a ‘big’ cake, or a ‘big’ building, etc. How would we were to use that same word or idea referring to HaShem Almighty! HaShem’s greatness is absolutely beyond our knowledge, our imagination and our ability to express it with words. According to Maimonides, then, we must use words “via negativa”. We should not say, for example, ‘God is a spirit’, but we can say, ‘God is not a body”.  There is one exception. In the Tefila (prayers) we do use words referring to God, but just to address God. When they composed the Amida (main prayer), the Rabbis also dealt with this question and they were hesitant to utilize any adjectives which will, so to speak, ‘define’, HaShem Almighty. “How could we dare to say about God, like Great, Powerfull, and Awesome (haGadol haGibbor vehaNora) ? Their answer was that we might say these words to address God, because Moshe Rabbenu used them in Perashat Debarim. So, we are just quoting the words of the Tora, without any pretension of understanding HaShem’s greatness.

When we dare to think of Hashem as if He is one of us, or as if we would know in our own what He thinks, or what He likes, we are just projecting our own small mind into an imaginary god. All that can be known about the God of Am Israel, is whatever He Himself wished to reveal in the Torah. It is through His Tora (Torah shebikhtab with Torah Shebe’al pe) that He communicated to us what His will is and how to address Him.

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The Rabbis of the Talmud (=chazal) have given a few practical advices on Shidukhim, i.e., looking for the right spouse. The decision should be made based on two factors, which must be in agreement: our emotions and our mind. In other words, if we have feelings toward a person but the mind says that is not a good idea, or if the mind says ‘yes’, but there are negative feelings toward that person,  the Shidukh must be reconsidered.

 

In the area of the mind, one is advised to make sure that the other person has middot tobot, good qualities; comes from a decent family, and that the communication channels and that values and character traits are more or less compatible.  In the Talmud Yerushalmi the rabbis saw favorably to take a bride “from his tribe and (extended) family (i.e., community) lidabbeq beshibto ubmishpachto. (Qiddushin, 4:4) because the cultural and traditional common grounds are obviously greater. Some bad traits should be seen as red flags like: arrogance, greed and a short temper. Those are character flaws which are difficult to correct and one should avoid.

 

In the area of emotions, the rabbis did not to say that we must feel an immediate attraction toward the prospective candidate, on the contrary, that might be a sign of looking superficially at a person. “Falling in love”, and especially, “love at first sight”,  might be a dangerous trap. Because “falling” in love might imply a temporary shutting-off of our mind, indispensable to  make a good decision.    What the Rabbis warned us against  is having an emotional antagonism toward the other person =’rejection at first sight’. If those negative feelings are there, then, one should not proceed.

 

Most couples I know, the first times they met, did not feel an automatic attraction nor an automatic rejection for each other, they were emotionally ‘parve’ . Then, they invested some time for the emotions to be nurtured, as they interacted as a couple in the dating process and got to know each other better.